Told NO!

[R. Anderson]

Been a while since I last posted but something came up that needed the advice of fellow kilt wearers.

My family is going to a concert (classical) this evening and I wanted to wear my kilt instead of just a suit and tie. The answer was of course, NO! The reason: We are there to enjoy the show, not to steal the spotlight.

Now I feel that I look great in my kilt but the Frau feels that it makes too much of a scene. Anything I can do about this mindset without getting in a fight?

Thanks,

[Bob C]

Probabaly not. If it's important enough to you, you're going to have to have the fight. It's pretty presumptious of her to declare why "we" are doing something.

If it's not that important to you, let her have her way and store this incident for ammunition in a future squabble.

[Robin]

Take your loss...and have a nice evening out.

You can't solve this in 1 day without a serious argument I think.
Start from scratch and wear your kilt (casual) when you both go to a mall. When she figures out people like to see a kilt she might change her mind.
When you start a fight...she will hate your kilts forever and the war is lost.

Start a well planned guerilla war

[M. A. C. Newsome]

I know all of us really love to wear the kilt as often as we can, and some of us are full-time kilt wearers, but at the same time we have to be aware of one of the realities of kilt wearing. And that is that when you go out in your kilt, you will attract attention, comments, and questions.

This can be a good thing or a bad thing, depending on how you want to spend your evening!

It's perfectly fine (and not a betrayal of the kilt!) to decide that you don't want to attract any attention to yourself and just "blend in" for the night. And it's perfectly fine for your spouse to make the same request.

Aye,
Matt

[Roan Carter]

We are there to enjoy the show, not to steal the spotlight.

I never understood this argument ... I've heard it used against the kilt on more than one occasion. Sorry you're having troubles.

If I wear my kilt when my family says not to, we go through a short period of not talking for a while. At twenty years old, I am single and have no kids, so it's really not that big a deal and I do it anyways. But be warned that it irks people ... even if you are in the right and should be able to do whatever the hell you want.

[cavscout]

My Wife is the same way. This is a problem with her perception of what the kilt wearing is about. She may have given you more information than we realise.

She feels you're dressing this way to get attention. Which means she dresses up to get attention. Which means she may feel you will not give her the attention she is wanting becuase you will be getting all the attention...Who's on first?

Anyway, Robin is spot on with the strategy of wear it in more casual settings for a while and allwo her to warm up to it a bit.

A friend had a wedding a few months ago Where the invitation said "Formal Opptional", and I decided I wanted to wear my kilt and "PC-like" outfit I've compiled. I asked my friend if she would mind if I wore my kilt. Of course she said it would be fine, so I asked again for her to tell me if she was truely OK with it becuase I did not want to create any problems for her wedding. She again said it was OK. My Wife did not want me to wear it for the same reason your wife has told you. I told her that the people coming to this wedding were coming to see my friend, not me. We had quite a blow out argument and basically, I implemented some guerilla tactics of faining surrender in anticipation of her conceeding so I would not have a victory to hold over her later. (Why women insist on doing this is beyond me, but knowing it will happen, I will use it to my benefit). I told her OK I won't wear the kilt. She waited a few hours and then came back and said I cold wear the kilt. What she wanted was to know that She was more important to me at the wedding than wearing the kilt. She still doesn't like it, but she's getting more used to it. After over a year and a half she's approaching neutrality

Anyway, since this is an event it sounds like you will do again, I would not make this the hill to die on. Concede and see what she does but encourage her that you really want to be there with her and whatever reaction others have is up to them.

[Graham]

I don't understand the argument either. I've been to a great variety of functions kilted and don't believe I was stealing anything.
Most recently I conducted a funeral kilted, if there is ever a time when you don't want the focus to be on the kilt - that is it. Yet I think I managed to keep the focus on why we were at the funeral.

Sure, some may have thought a kilt was not appropriate, but nothing was said.

Lastly, I don't want to presume on any relationship but my own, but I can only say that my wife allows me the freedom and my right to make sensible decisions about what to wear, where and when. Of course, I also respect her good sense, and for us the result is that my wife is happy for me to go kilted anywhere, guess I am blessed!

[Rusty]

I have been reading this thread with great interest as I went to a friends wedding last weekend, full argyle outfit, tux shirt, bowtie, the works. Felt like a million bucks. I did ask my friend if it would be okay for me to wear a kilt? He stated it would be fine. I said you might be okay with it! What about the bride? Long story short, the bride said it would be perfectly fine. It was such a hit that one of the groomsmen went home and changed into his kilt for the reception. Of course we had to pose with the bride for some photos. The Bride even asked me for the first dance (after the groom of course). Everyone thought it was great and the two of us gave a mini seminar (by request) on kilt wearing, etc. The only person that has ever been negative is one of my daughter’s in law. We changed her opinion by taking her to the Longs Peak Highland festival. Poor child was so overwhelmed with kilts that it dulled her senses.

[JimB]

I think that the kilt would be totally appropriate and that you would not steal the show. It would draw attention though and your wife may not want to deal with that on this occasion.
Wear it often casually and let her get more used to it. It's not worth a fight in my opinon.
Best of luck

[auld argonian]

Well, I think that it's wise to work this out...to paraphrase an old saying: a wife will get you through times of no kilts better than a kilt will get you through times of no wife...I am, however, sure that some of you who are convinced that kilts are the ultimate chick magnets will take exception to that.

Several things occur to me about your situation and they touch on my situation as well...so you're not alone in this.

One is how - shall we say - humble or grand is your outfit? A recent thread concerned one of our fellows who showed up in full Jacobean garb to an event and got the hammer dropped on him by his companion...I feel sorry for his trouble but perhaps his outfit was a little too much for the circumstances. I appreciate that a lot of the kilted brethren are Traditionalists but we are talking about a mode of dress that is firmly anchored in the Nineteenth Century...is it any wonder that the average person has to pause and digest it when they see someone in a kilt let alone in a full dress kilt outfit. I personally try to keep it looking like I'm wearing clothing appropriate to "today" but with a kilt instead of trousers...not easy but worth a try. I'm not out to attract attention and I REALLY don't want to spend any of my time explaining why I'm wearing a kilt let alone having some dimwit asking "the Question". I'm really going to try to match the level of dress to the occasion...can't show up looking like you're part of the entourage at the Opening of Parliament...I know that a lot of the gang love the way they look in their Prince Charlie jackets but the PC's look very formal to me and I could only wear one to a real formal event.

One of the things that I've encountered is that you will always run into someone who has had a couple of Psych 100 level courses that will assume that you have some deep seated craving for attention and that you are intentionally trying to upstage everyone else at the event...usually these folks resent the fact that you might be taking attention away from THEM, thus frustrating THEIR deep seated craving for attention...hey, it's a Hard Knock Life, y'know?

I figure that you can probably work the kilt into your wardrobe without undue criticism by planning to attend some events where it's a low key situation, take your dear wife and don't let it be a big deal. My logic is that if it's YOUR event then YOU should have the final word on what you're going to wear. Some kind of casual concert event like a Folk Music group or (if you're lucky) some good ol' Celtic Music...an afternoon concert by a chamber group or string quartet...like I say, low key. If anyone compliments you on the kilt (and they will) be brief and humble in your responses...demonstrate to the wife that you're not going to make a big deal out of it and she might get the message that this is not as much of a distraction as she thinks it is. This opens the door to your being able to wear it whenever you jolly well please.

Best

AA