I apologize if this is innap, I need to release steam

[JamieKerr]

I genuinely apologize if this thread is innapropriate. I had a particularly upsetting day at work today, and I just need to release some steam. Since I'm not really an established member of this site, I also apologize if any of you have a "who cares" type response. I simply wish to share this morning's experience with a group of people who may have experienced similar things.

Just a quick tidbit about me. I'm a 24 year old social worker. I'm what my friends describe as bi-gendered. Basically, I don't believe in traditional male roles or stereotyped dress. If I want to do something or wear something, I'll do what I like. Though, I will state, I do it with style and taste. That being said, I understand some people have a problem with it.

This morning I had a supervision meeting at Hospice. I typically have one every two weeks so that my supervisor can check in on what I've been doing with my clients, and we can work through any potential problems that may be going on. Well this morning I had my usual meeting, though my supervisor was clearly not as involved in what I was saying as she usually is. After we finished discussing what I had been doing during the past week, she told me we needed to discuss a problem. As it turns out, it had to do with my attire. Last Tuesday I had worn one of my kilts to team meeting. I've worn my kilts to work on several occasions previously, and ne'er heard anything but praise. Well as it turns out someone at that meeting was gravely offended by seeing a "kid" in a "skirt", and reported it to her supervisor who then spoke to my supervisor. In this individual's words; "If he can wear a skirt, I don't see why I can't wear jeans." Firstly, comparing a well made kilt to a pair of jeans is a rediculously inappropriate comparison. Secondly, how DARE she be so ignorant as to mock my choice of dress without even being able to properly identify it. And if that is how she chooses to treat a fellow coworker, I don't even what to THINK about how she talks to and treats her patients. We're supposed to help people and provide services to them while withholding our judgments about their cultures, decisions, and ways of living. Yet this person feels it is ok to lash out at someone who is different by comparing a beautiful traditional garment to a pair of jeans. Lastly. If this zealot, she doesn't like the idea of me in a "skirt" because it is non-traditional (kilts aren't traditional?), has a problem with me expressing my heritage then we need to make other prohibitions as well. I suppose I should mention that my agency is comprised of about 85% individuals from a highly conservative background. No more crucifixes for the chaplains. No more wearing of the Yamaka for anyone expressing their Jewish faith. No more prayer at team meetings. None of that. Any one of those things MIGHT offend one person somewhere. If you think your traditions are more important than mine, you're wrong. As it turns out, though, I'm not the only one stirring problems. We have a black female RN who started working here in October, and I just found out a number of people at the agency have a huge problem with that. I am so disgusted...

Lastly. I think I'm most hurt by the fact that though I don't know exactly who it was that complained, I know it was one of 4 people. And all of these people I had concerned professional, and I've always been very friendly with. This just seems to be characteristic of how people treat me. Polite and friendly to my face, and then talk about me behind their backs. As I was told, my supervisor has come to my defense on several other occasions where people were badmouthing me based on my appearance. I cannot say my appearance has no impact on my abilities as a social worker, my appearance has everything to do with my abilities. I relate to my clients like no one else is able, and they love me for it. My appearance makes people smile and brings them a little happiness

So tomorrow morning at team meeting it is very likely that the situation I was involved with will be discussed in depth. I guess leave it to a kilt to stir up problems, but then again, isn't that what we Scots do best?

End rant..

[Chef]

Jamie,

First welcome.

Second I am very sorry that you have come across this. I do have a question for you though. You mention that you "don't believe in traditional male roles or stereotyped dress. If I want to do something or wear something, I'll do what I like." I think that a kilt is a man's garment as , I believe, most on this forum do. So my question is how do you wear your kilt? In other words do you wear it in the traditional manner with the expected accessories etc, or are you wearing it in a way others might consider your kilt not a kilt?

I'm not trying to offend just looking to understand your comments and whether that is pertinent to the situation.

[Panache]

Jamie,

I have edited your post as you posted language that is inappropriate to our forum. X Marks the Scot is a family friendly site. You are new here and I ask that you please take a minute to review our forum rules.

You are certainly welcome to our kilted corner of internet.

Personally I think that when one wears a kilt, one must prepared to deal with the consequences both good and bad.

Sorry to hear that this roll of the dice wasn't good.

Cheers

Jamie

[beloitpiper]

I'm pretty upset you had this problem, too. But you are not alone. We have all gone though discrimination on some level. It may be as small as a snide comment in a bar to as large as not being allowed to wear them at work or school. BUT, I have found that the best way to deal with it is to discuss it, be a gentleman about the situation, and SHOW them how good, fashionable, and, I guess in your case, conservative a kilt can be. Again, don't change yourself for them, so I don't want to tell you how to wear the kilt, but if you wear it with pride and dignity, then it will show.

Oh, and as a little post-script, it doesn't matter how many of few posts you have. You are a member here, and as such we treat you with as much respect and dignity as anybody else on the board. Welcome to Clan X-Marks.

[JamieKerr]

Allow me to answer some questions.

Firstly, I do not perceive the kilt as gay. I would have to say the kilt is about as manly as it gets in terms of dress! I wear my kilt as traditionally as possible, and I do so to honor my heritage. I also wear that one piece of clothing as traditionally as possible to honor all of you, a sort of brethren, as well.

Secondly. As was already mentioned by someone else, I do fully expect to hear negative remarks when I wear "odd" garments. I am very accustomed to being referred to by any and all slurs you can possibly think of. I am not, however, used to hearing them from people I know so well (or thought I did). My anger and hurt comes from the fact that I have worked in this office for 5 years now, and this is the first time I have ever been degraded in this fashion (knowingly). The real sting is the result of thinking that I knew these people, and that I could enjoy a certain level of acceptance amongst them. When I am referred to by any one of a million slurs by those I don't know, I have no problem shrugging them off. Those people don't know me, and so their words mean nothing.

[ccga3359]

Thank you for the correction.i don't know what sort of councelling you work place does but I'm rather shocked at the attidude of management and staff. I'm in no way religous but I'm offended that a Chaplain may not wear a cross nor a Jew his yamulka. It sounds that a kilt does not have a snowball's chance. I don't know US laws but I'm sure these are contravening rights and freedoms. All these were started by the same individual in a similar line of work. Somewhere here you may find very important information. Ignore any posts made by me, I'm there for smart-aleck retorts only.

Here are acouple of threads about wearing kilts at work.
http://www.xmarksthescot.com/forum/s...ork+supervisor
http://www.xmarksthescot.com/forum/h...ork+supervisor
http://www.xmarksthescot.com/forum/d...ork+supervisor
http://www.xmarksthescot.com/forum/m...ork+supervisor
http://www.xmarksthescot.com/forum/m...ork+supervisor

[BoldHighlander]

My anger and hurt comes from the fact that I have worked in this office for 5 years now, and this is the first time I have ever been degraded in this fashion (knowingly). The real sting is the result of thinking that I knew these people, and that I could enjoy a certain level of acceptance amongst them.

Betrayl always stings the worse.
If any good comes from it you now know the truth about where these individuals, and can move on from there.
At any rate I'm sorry as well that you had to experience this.

And if I haven't done so before:


...from the far nw corner of Washington state!

[Pleater]

Hello Jamie

The complainer probably has no real opinion on kilts - I get the feeling that they simply wanted to hurt you, and to show their power through their manipulation of the establishment and environment you work in.

I'd put money on their real aim being to get you to give them a show of just how angry and upset they have managed to make you, so I can only advise that you stay cool, calm and collected if/when the subject comes up.

I can't believe that anyone wanted to wear jeans to work so much that they would make such a fuss. Perhaps they have a problem with authority and dress codes.

Do keep it firmly in your thoughts that it is someone else who has the problem - you might even commiserate with the supervisors who have to deal with such petty 'office politics'.

[sharpdressedscot]

Allow me to answer some questions.

Firstly, I do not perceive the kilt as gay. I would have to say the kilt is about as manly as it gets in terms of dress! I wear my kilt as traditionally as possible, and I do so to honor my heritage. I also wear that one piece of clothing as traditionally as possible to honor all of you, a sort of brethren, as well.

Secondly. As was already mentioned by someone else, I do fully expect to hear negative remarks when I wear "odd" garments. I am very accustomed to being referred to by any and all slurs you can possibly think of. I am not, however, used to hearing them from people I know so well (or thought I did). My anger and hurt comes from the fact that I have worked in this office for 5 years now, and this is the first time I have ever been degraded in this fashion (knowingly). The real sting is the result of thinking that I knew these people, and that I could enjoy a certain level of acceptance amongst them. When I am referred to by any one of a million slurs by those I don't know, I have no problem shrugging them off. Those people don't know me, and so their words mean nothing.

I concurr with that last sentence, you don't need squat from anyone to be who you are. One of the lines I run by is: you are who you are, so be proud of it.

[bchunter]

Jamie,
I too am sorry to hear of your distress and treatment. I've not walked in your shoes and have no great words or wisdom or advice, but echo the sentiment that we all must be prepared for the social ingraces of our society. If not for your kilt it may have been something else that raised anothers ire, and likely as a defense mechanism for their own feelings of inadequacy or failures. These incidents remind us all to walk the high road.