Going To Walmart By Age

[Southern Breeze]

Another gift from the humor Gods. No, I did not write this.

Scenario:

You are in the middle of some kind of project around the house.... mowing the lawn, putting a new fence in, painting the living room, or whatever.

You are hot and sweaty, covered in dirt or paint. You have your old work clothes on.
You know, the outfit - shorts with the hole in crotch, old
T-shirt with a stain from who knows what, and an old pair of tennis shoes.

Right in the middle of this great home improvement project you realize you need to run to Wal-Mart to get something to help complete the job.

Depending on your age you might do the following:



In your 20's:

Stop what you are doing. Shave, take a shower, blow dry your hair, brush your teeth, floss, and put on clean clothes.
Check yourself in the mirror and flex. Add a dab of your favorite cologne because you never know, you just might meet some hot chick while standing in the checkout lane.

You went to school with the pretty girl running the register.



In your 30's:

Stop what you are doing, put on clean shorts and shirt. Change shoes.

You married the hot chick so no need for much else. Wash your hands and comb your hair. Check yourself in the mirror. Still got it. Add a shot of your favorite cologne to cover the smell.

The cute girl running the register is the kid sister to someone you went to school with.



In your 40's:

Stop what you are doing. Put a sweatshirt that is long enough to cover the hole in the crotch of your shorts. Put on different shoes and a hat.

Wash your hands. Your bottle of Brute Cologne is almost empty so you don't want to waste any of it on a trip to Wal-Mart.
Check yourself in the mirror and do more sucking in than flexing.

The spicy young thing running the register is your daughter's age and you feel weird thinking she is spicy.



In your 50's:

Stop what you are doing. Put a hat on, wipe the dirt off your hands onto your shirt. Change shoes because you don't want to get dirt in your new sports car. Check yourself in the mirror and you swear not to wear that shirt anymore because it makes you look fat.

The Cutie running the register smiles when she sees you coming and you think you still have it.

Then you remember the hat you have on is from Buddy's Bait & Beer Bar and it says, 'I Got Worms.'



In your 60's:

Stop what you are doing. No need for a hat anymore. Hose the dog poop off your shoes The mirror was shattered when you were in your 50's. You hope you have underwear on so nothing hangs out the hole in your pants. The girl running the register may be cute, but you don't have your glasses on so you are not sure.



In your 70's:

Stop what you are doing. Wait to go to Wal-Mart until they have your prescriptions ready, too. Don't even notice the dog poop on your shoes.

The young thing at the register smiles at you because you remind her of her grandfather.



In your 80's:

Stop what you are doing. Start again. Then stop again. Now you remember you needed to go to Wal-Mart. Go to Wal-Mart and wander around trying to think what it is you are looking for. You think you hear someone called out your name.
You went to school with the old lady who greeted you at the front door.

[Mipi]

I almost fell of the chair. By the way; I'm somewhere between 40's and 50's and for some years now I don't do almost anything if I run to fetch something in store (when in the middle of some project - waste of time).

The story reminds me on a similar story on how men are changing there readiness for sex (the bulls & cows are the actors of the story I have in mind).

[Splash_4]

That is quite funny... Of course, even when I was in my 20's, if I was in the middle of a project I went like I was.... No sense in changing twice!

[heartofglass]

I can relate....and it's H*** to get old lol

[Jerry]

Tell me about getting old. I'm 65 and retired. For me, I live 30 miles from WalMart as well as most other places, for that matter.. If I was in the middle of a project, I'd stop what I was doing (today is Friday) and and say, I'll be heading into town on Tuesday for my senior Golf Group, it can wait until then, I don't want to use the extra gas.

[Larry124]

Tell me about getting old. I'm 65 and retired. For me, I live 30 miles from WalMart as well as most other places, for that matter.. If I was in the middle of a project, I'd stop what I was doing (today is Friday) and and say, I'll be heading into town on Tuesday for my senior Golf Group, it can wait until then, I don't want to use the extra gas.

Jerry, you’re not old. I’m 59 and retired and Home Depot is only five miles away, but I’d still wait until Tuesday.

[Southern Breeze]

I'm not getting old, just well rounded.

[Jerry]

Jerry, you’re not old. I’m 59 and retired and Home Depot is only five miles away, but I’d still wait until Tuesday.

As Paul Harvey says, "Here is the rest of the story". After I return from senior golf and WalMart on Tuesday, I'll be so stiff and sore that I'll put off my project until Friday. Then, if I need something else,(CRS Syndromw) I'll wait until the following Tuesday. This is sometimes a never ending circle, and by the time I've got everything, I can't remember why I wanted to do it in the first place

[george7]

In your 20's you don't shave every time you go to walmart!!! Just the first time that day.

[Aggie]

Well, it's nice to know my best years are still ahead of me. Now where did I put those keys?