What to say to a woman with a husband not brave enough to wear a kilt?

[Bill aka Mole]

Two weeks back, the missus and I both had Friday off, so we skipped down to the North Charleston area to just have a day. During our travels, we stopped at the Navy Exchange onboard Joint Base Charleston (formerly Naval Weapons Station Charleston) to do a bit of shopping. While checking out, a woman a little older than us started asking about my kilt (Firefighter Memorial from USA Kilts) and when I stated that I'm not Scottish, she stated that I must have a lot of courage to wear a kilt. I replied that I wear it for comfort and no real courage was necessary. She replied with, "Well, my husband could never wear one," implying to me that he didn't have the stones to be seen in public wearing a kilt. The only response I could muster was, "I'm sorry." On the way to the truck, I asked my wife and she confirmed that she thought that the woman was stating that her husband was lacking in fortitude to wear a kilt. An odd episode for me, most people are curious but this was the first time someone had told me that they or someone that they knew was too self-conscious to wear a kilt.

[NPG]

I don't know that there is anything you can say, other than that you, yourself are comfortable wearing one. My father would never wear the kilt despite his Scottish ancestry, the impression I got was that his generation (early baby boomer) found it to be playing dress up. Norms of dress are often dictated by those around us for him wearing the kilt wasn't an option just like growing a beard wouldn't have been an option for him.

I mention this because I currently have a rather large beard, I get women asking me about it all the time (How long did it take to grow? Does my boss mind?) and lamenting that their husbands don't grow one. I work in academia and I recognize that the rules are a bit different for me. I often tell these women, and truthfully, that I teach college freshmen and in order to look less like one of their peers and more like their professor I decided to grow my beard.

For some people they just might not have a professional or social circle that allows them to stray from the norm or they may not feel comfortable straying from it. The kilt is one of those things I think you have to feel comfortable wearing, so if someone doesn't feel it, I don't know there is much you can say to change that. Just wear yours with pride and maybe they'll get the courage to try it if they wish to.

[Rick Y]

Not surprised about the gentleman at all. Many, many people have voiced their fears on XMarks about first going out into the public wearing a kilt. Young adults are free to buck the norm; it is nearly treated as their obligation as part of the rites of maturation. Not so, however, for those of us who have reached, or surpassed, the age of expected maturity (whenever that is supposed to be.) I think I would have advised her to have him (them) seek out Scottish venues such as highland games. This would enable them to see that there are many who wear the kilt and it would provide him with a starting point to get comfortable in a kilt.

[ratspike]

I'd have said I'm glad to be married to someone who wouldn't talk about me like that, especially to random strangers.

[Taskr]

Or, she meant she would never let him

[Chainsaw02]

My answer the woman's statement is usually "Tell him that real men wear kilts and ask him if he qualifies." I've fielded this question several times in 15 years of being kilted.

Larry Dirr

[OC Richard]

My father would never wear the kilt despite his Scottish ancestry, the impression I got was that his generation (early baby boomer) found it to be playing dress up. Norms of dress are often dictated by those around us for him wearing the kilt wasn't an option just like growing a beard wouldn't have been an option for him.

For some people they just might not have a professional or social circle that allows them to stray from the norm or they may not feel comfortable straying from it.

Thanks for that thoughtful and articulate post, which hits the nail on the head.

My father, of an earlier generation (a tweener, too young to be of The Greatest Generation, too old to be a Baby Boomer) had something of a nonconformist streak and delighted borrowing one of my kilts a couple times. His chief delight, when he wore it to a local Highland Games, was telling everyone who inquired about his tartan that it was "Cook of Kintyre". (It was actually random plaid wool got at a local fabric shop.)

It's hard for me to relate to people who come to kiltwearing mid-life and have to overcome shyness about it, since I've been a kiltwearer since I was a teenager, over 40 years ago.

Offtopic, but here's a little thread about my recent attempt at recreating the plaid of my first kilt

http://www.xmarksthescot.com/forum/f...0-years-83387/

[davidlpope]

Guys,

Al too often XMarks becomes an echo chamber and we are so busy agreeing with each other that we miss the way the rest of the world thinks.

It's an unusual thing for a native Scot to wear a kilt except for weddings, funerals, formal events, etc.

It's an unusual thing for an American to wear a kilt to a Highland Games or other similar venue.

It's a highly unusual thing for an American to wear a kilt around as daily wear.

It's not that other men who don't wear the kilt are "less manly". They just don't have this "bug" that we have that makes us want to wear a kilt around.

When you turn it into some sort of fake machismo thing you make it worse for the rest of us who simply want to wear a kilt. It's simply the inverse of people ridiculing kilt-wearers for being feminine. Stop it.

Why do you care if someone else does or doesn't want to wear a kilt? Why do you care if some woman who is not your wife wants her husband to wear a kilt?

[JohntheBiker]

I think that Father Bill is right on this.

We are a rare breed and that's a fact. Gents who wear kilts because they like to are indeed the exception, even amongst men who have kilts.

Most pipe band members would never wear a kilt outside of performances or competitions; soldiers in kilted regiments only wear the kilt in uniform; few wear kilts to highland games, even if they have them; even folks I know that own/work in kilt shops take them off before going home. Clearly, based on some of the postings here, there are some that have the desire but are timid. I would suggest that they are a subset of a subset of a subset.

[joek]

Too often people see in others what they fail to see in themselves. Could be the woman doesn't want her husband to wear one. Being an American and non Scotch or of any other kilt heritage when I first took to wearing kilts one item was what others thought. Bravery never into my mind. The comfort was what mattered. When I researched and found that males in countries that wore something other than pants full time did not get testicular cancer, that simply made it even more appealing. It seems the incidence of prostrate cancer also follows. Add in the comfort while driving, hiking etc. I think women should be encouraged to have their man wear kilts.