A Scotsman was shipwrecked and finally washed ashore on a wee island. As he regains consciousness on the beach, he sees a beautiful unclad woman standing over him. She asks, "Would you like some food?"

" Yes, please, “croaks the Scot, “I haven't eaten a bite of food for a week and I am starving !"
She disappears into the woods and quickly comes back with a basket of food. When he has gobbled it down, she asks, "Would you like something to drink?"
" Oh, yes ! That food has made me very thirsty and I would very much like a drink!"
She goes off into the woods again and returns with a bottle of 75-year-old single-malt Scotch whiskey. The Scotsman is beginning to think that he's in heaven when the unclad woman leans closer and says, "Would you like to play around?"

" Oh, you gorgeous lass” says he, “don't tell me you've got a golf course here as well!"


I'll be using this to open a speech, the "toast to the lasses" at an event upcoming.