I hearby offer my services......

Any kiltmaker, or supplier, who sends me a kilt and a T-shirt (from their business), I solemnly swear to wear the kilt and shirt in unison, to the numerous events I will attend this summer. The gatherings include Major League baseball games (15+), Highland Games, concerts (including Ozzfest in Kansas City), and many other events. This is limited to events that have more than 1,000 people in attendance, and if business cards are sent as well, I will distribute them. I will wear the outfit with dignity, class, and maturity. I will send photos as proof. My fee will merely be that I keep the kilt and shirt.

My body will be your billboard. I will start the day I recieve the items, and will continue until Labor Day, 2006.

Now, how's that for an offer?