Lets see if this will work for you Jamie.

A political Candidate, who has asked to remain nameless, wore a Pink Kilt into the church of his choice. In place of the proper kilt belt he wore instead a gun belt.
The preacher/minister/father/ rabbi took one look at him and shouted over the congregation. HEY YOU! YOU CAN'T COME IN HERE WITHOUT WIPING YOUR FEET!!!

There, that should do it. I mentioned politics, guns, religion, confrontation and filth.

Is there anything else I can do for you?