Burns Night at the Great Hall of X Marks the Scot (A Poem)

[Panache]

They come to the great Hall in cars painted midnight black
Once inside, enjoy the ride-there ain’t no turning back!
They gather to honor the poet that will ne’er be forgot
'Cause it's Burns’ Night at the Great Hall of X Marks the Scot

At the door Dee and Glen welcome the guests to the great Golden Hall
They are all ready for the party, they’re gonna have a ball
The festivities began at seven o’clock right on the dot!
'Cause it’s Burns’ Night at the Great Hall of X Marks the Scot

Todd gives the Immortal Memory to start off the night
He’s been working on it hard to make sure it be just right
Bradley lifts his Perrier and drinks himself a tot
'Cause it’s Burns’ Night at the Great Hall of X Marks the Scot

Colin’s been drinking him some whisky, he’s been drinking him some beer
He’s feeling very merry, he’s full of good cheer.
At the end of the table the Eye of Sauron is burning bright and hot
‘Cause it’s Burns’ Night at the Great Hall of X Marks the Scot

David’s on his cell phone, he’s talking to some goon
The guy’s got class as he eats his haggis with a silver spoon
“Kill Bond NOW!” he orders and waits to hear the shot
‘Cause it’s Burns’ Night at the Great Hall of X Marks the Scot

Nelson’s keeping tabs on the musicians playing in the room
Making sure they play it cool, making sure they’re keeping it in tune
While Hank leans back in his chair, thinking about his yacht
‘Cause it’s Burns’ Night at the Great Hall of X Marks the Scot

Old Mike gives a "The Toast to the Lassies", and Nelson does "No Churchman I"
Colin recites "Scotch Drink", David gives a bawdy toast on the fly.
The cock-o-leekie soup is then served up piping hot
'Cause it's Burns' Night at the Great Hall of X Marks the Scot!

It’s time to Address that old haggis, and Jamie will do it well
He’s got it all in memory, he thinks everything’s swell
The pipers play “Scotland the Brave” and they give it all they got
'Cause it’s Burns’ Night at the Great Hall of X Marks the Scot

Now old Spasm the butler comes in with a big silver platter
He totters on up to the table and sets it down with a clatter
Jamie lifts the cover to see the rubber chicken Spasm brought!
'Cause it ‘s Burns’ Night at the Great Hall of X Marks the Scot

When all the poems are recited and “Auld Lang Sang” sung
When the whisky is all drunk and the party is all done
Then for the happy revelers it’s off to bed they trot
'Cause that’s how they do Burns’ Night at the Great Hall of X Marks the Scot

With apologies to Tom Waits

Cheers

Jamie