I attended my brother-in-law's wedding as the only kilted guest. And I did struggle with the same question as you did. Despite the fact that we all say "the kilt is clothing, not a costume" and we all agree that you should be able to wear the kilt anywhere you like, the fact remains that a man in a kilt draws a certain amount of attention -- especially if it is in a non-Scottish event context -- and I did not want to be perceived as wanting to draw attention to myself on my brother- and sister-in-law's special day.

This has nothing at all to do with how comfortable I am in the kilt, or whether I personally think the kilt is fine to wear at such an occasion (I do). Rather, I was thinking of the couple getting married and wanting to defer to their opinion in this case. It's good to think of others, especially on an occasion such as this.

What did I do? I brought pants and a kilt. I decided to let my brother-in-law decide. My wife and doughter were both in the wedding party. My responsibilities were a) to get my brother-in-law to the church on time, and b) take care of my (at the time) infant son during the service. So in the hotel, while we both got ready that morning, I mentioned to my BIL that I had brought my kilt and I could wear it if he wanted.

He was thrilled. He was stoked. He was extatic. He said he would consider it a great honor for me to wear my kilt to his wedding. So I did.

It turned out great. I was the only one kilted there, of course, and spent most of the actual wedding in the back of the chuch holding my son, or pushing him about in his stroller. No one said anything about my kilt -- all eyes were up front on the couple.

At the reception I got a few of the usual questions, lots of compliments, and a few offers to dance. But it was really no big deal.

And once I figured out that my brother- and sister-in-law were happy to have me wear the kilt to their special occasions, I took that as a green light to go kilted to my neice and goddaughter's baptism (as did my son, no longer an infant by that time).

But -- and I stress this -- if my brother-in-law had told me he'd rather have me wear pants at his wedding, whatever the reason, I'd have done so happily. My purpose that day was to support them on their special day, and if it made them happy for me to wear pants, what did that matter to me? I'm not that hung up on what I wear, and it would have made me happy to be making them happy.