With apologies to Jenny Joseph and "Warning" from the Red Hat Society

When I am an old kiltie I shall wear purple
With a red hat which doesn't go, and doesn't suit me.
And I shall spend my pension on single malt and sporrans
And ghillie brogues, and say we've no money for butter.
I shall sit down on the pavement when I'm tired
And gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells
And run my stick along the public railings
And make up for the sobriety of my youth.
I shall go out in my slippers in the rain
And pick flowers in other people's gardens
And learn to spit.

Brian