thanks. I have appreciated eveyones replies. I understand what you and others are saying. My son always goes in white shirt and tie so that wasn't the problem. I am active and have been my whole life. I'll admit things aren't like when I was young (but then again what is). I worked for the church and that definately gave me a different prospective between the "gospel" and the "church". and maybe that is in play here as it colors my relationship with him. I believe in a post I mentioned my older son has had problems with the others in the ward. They don't like his independence. He is also trying to figure out who he is and at 16 is well 16. He isn't rebelling but sometimes I understand why my dad use to roll his eyes when I'd talk. I think the bishop is responding to all of this (as well as the fact his own son rebelled). I was just interested if others had had similiar experiences. I've always thought of the kilt as special. The idea that it is like a sweat shirt or ball cap or something negative was really out of right field to me.
The only thing that upsets me is personally is A. his decision is based in ignorance but isn't open to review B. he hurt my sons feelings and C. (and the thing that really got under my skin) giving him a blessing without my permission. What he said was wrong. Trying to give it an eclesiastic stamp with a blessing irks me. I know he views it as just trying to help him understand but that doesn't excuse it to me.
I should also say that haveing been in a bishopic I do understand the huge work load/pressures/etc on a bishop. I also understand the temptation to go over the line and preach/administer trying to stamp your personal beliefs and thoughts with the authority of god rather than just your best, especially since we are talking about untrained nonprofessional clergy. Actually many members often want and expect that "security" and that increases the problem.
Again thanks for the thoughts, both yours and the many others here. It seems a nice community.