Whatever has happened to manners

[Derek]

Will relate what occured on the bus home from town yesterday. Firstly let me say that I will always open a door for a lady, and when queing in bus stops and there are a women behind me, I will always let them on the bus first ... and so I could go on. I call it manners and that is how I was brought up ... So yesterday, I am sat three quarters of the way back on a long single decker bus. At this one stop an elderly lady got on with her shopping and was struggling to stand at the front as there were no seats. There were some young people, as well as able bodied men close, who could have given up a seat for her but were obviously not budging. So, I get up and parade the length of the bus and said to her to go and take my seat, which she did and was very grateful. A few women were sat at the front with their shopping and all smiled while one said its good to see there are still some gentlemen around. I was cilted by the way.
Guess thats the way of life today ...
Iechyd Da
Derek

[Downunder Kilt]

Derek, Derek, Derek did you not realise that manners, such as you are talking about, are in the most, only for people born prior to the 1970's maybe the 1980's

[EagleJCS]

Unfortunately, it's the same the world over. It seems many parents have abdicated/abandoned their responsibilities in regards to teaching their children good manners and/or social responsibility. There are adults (educators, Scout leaders, church elders, etc.) who can attempt to provide instruction or guidance, but without positive reinforcement at home, that instruction can often go unheeded.

Fortunately not all parents have done so, and there are even some young adults who are now finding that they actually need some of these skills to survive and *gasp* possibly even receive promotions in the working world. There are even etiquette blogs to be found online.

As adults, we can only attempt to stem the tide of rude/boorish behavior by setting the example - as you did Derek. Bravo.

[ohiopiper]

Amen, Brother Eagle! Can I get an Amen from the choir?

I'll never forget the look on my wifes' face when I took her to my old hometown. People held open doors, she got called Ma'am by everyone under the age of 20 and most folks actually spoke to you when you passed them on the sidewalk.

She nearly fainted several times.

Currently, I have two creatures in my house. My wife assures me that someday they will resemble human beings. Friends often comment how polite my kids are. I just explain that if they are impolite or rude, their great-grand daddy will come up from his grave and whup them. And me for not raising them right.

[Silent Raven]

i was raised with chivalry and manners such as your self, even for being born in 1985. my parents raised me that way, and scouts no doubt helped to secure those virtues in place. i always give my seat to elders, hold doors and even say please and thank you, as well as excuse me. but you are right in the fact that you just dont see it much any more with the newer generations. a friend of mine says that "chivalry towards women, died when they became equals to men (ie right to vote, etc)" not sure i concur with this thought but its does in some ways make sense.

[Chas]

The older I get, the less I understand.

Should we be blaming our children's generation for their lack of respect? Or should we blame our generation for not doing its job properly? Or should we blame our parent's generation for not instilling in us values that we want to pass on?

Or maybe it is none of these and there is an outside influence which we can neither discern nor control, which is thwarting our hopes and aspirations.

Or is that just a cop-out. After all that is only one step away from blaming it all on black magic or aliens.

Maybe our job is to continually provide a good example for those around us. Maybe our job is not done till the next generation realise that it is their job to provide an example.

Regards

Chas

[Jock Scot]

Maybe our job is to continually provide a good example for those around us.



Chas

The trouble, I fear, is that not enough of us are providing good examples for those around us to follow.

[Phil]

Manners and civility are what make it possible to live in today's crowded societies. When they break down the symptoms are only too evident - road rage, supermarket trolly rage not to mention a whole raft of more damaging anti-social activities. It is no longer possible to reprimand young people for such behaviour - you are likely to find an irate parent on your doorstep or worse, police with an arrest warrant! Yesterday while out driving I encountered three young girls cavorting on the roadway close to passing vehicles, quite heedless of the danger they were in. No sane person would dare to stop and speak to them for fear of retaliation or worse from their parents or police - and the children know it. I have asked a young person if they had bought a ticket for the rucksack occupying the only vacant seat beside them on a bus without reaction before moving it myself. Shortly after I was the only person on that crowded bus to give up their seat to an elderly lady.
I have to say that manners and behaviour have to be instilled into a child at an early age but that child, when an adult, has a huge headstart in life over its less favoured peers who have never learned such niceties as civilised eating habits and polite social behaviour. Once learned they can fit into any social circle, without them they will always be pariahs and exhibit their resentment of this by their behaviour.

[Tobus]

Or maybe it is none of these and there is an outside influence which we can neither discern nor control, which is thwarting our hopes and aspirations.

Television.

When first introduced, it was a bit of novel entertainment and nothing more. But with each passing generation, it becomes more and more "social programming" to children, whether we intend it to or not. And with each of those generations, the quality of programming goes downhill. I'm not sure it's even possible to instill values in children any more without banning the television from the house. Or at least severely limiting (censoring) what they watch.

[Newfoundlander]

Derek, Good on you lad!

One thing that was driven home to me in the forces was "lead by example" and that was a fine example indeed. If only one of those "men" up front of the bus realized what they were doing on that day because of your actions, and from now on will emulate you, than that's a success. If we all can get one in each situation like that to change their views a little, it's a success.

Like you, and many of you here, I always pay the proper respect where it's due. This is largely due to my upbringing in an outport Newfoundland town of a few hundred. Older men and ladies are called Sir or Mrs. surname, or quite commonly "Uncle" and "Aunt" regardless of blood relations or not. To a certain extent, this still holds true today where I'm from. The larger town by my small hometown, not so much, and in the City of St. John's, lesser still. I've often wondered if it's a lack of teaching from our parents generation (I'm born in '83 btw), or if it has something to do with the metropolitan mentality and lack of the close-knit ties and community that I see in cities versus "around the bay". Or a combination of both.

Hard to say for sure I think. Or at least, hard for me to say. I just keep living and acting as I was raised.

I'll echo a good comment here and say that I think it's up to those of us here that act as Men, to lead by example for those who don't know any better.