Whatever has happened to manners

[creagdhubh]

Oh my gosh! Derek, chap, I cannot believe you brought your story to light! Almost the same thing happens when I ride the bus, as I take an express bus from a commuter parking lot to my job in downtown Cincinnati (my wife and I live out in the 'country') every morning and every evening.

There have been more times than I care to count, where the bus will be completely full, and people are forced to stand. Now keep in mind, my bus route takes approximately 35-45 minutes to reach the parking lot where everyone's cars are parked, awaiting their arrival. this typically is 35-45 minutes of stop and go, mind-numbing traffic, so the idea of having to stand the entire way, holding on for dear life, is appauling!

I have seen countless times, where the people that are forced to stand, due a crowded bus, are women. Not one time as any man stood up and offered his seat to one of the ladies - and often times there have been men sitting at very close distances. Every time I have been too far away, and usually 'pinned' in between people, to where it would prove challenging to get up and offer my seat, otherwise I would most definitely do so! I had sent a text to my father when this has occurred before, and and asked him, "am I the only true gentleman left?" It just doesn't make any sense to me that no man sitting relatively close to where these women were standing, would offer their seat. I suppose we are are a dying breed, Derek. I am only 30 years of age, and I credit my good manners, selflessness, and social etiquette to my parents, grandparents, and to my military service - they all helped mold me into the man I am today.

Thank you for sharing your story,

[Lyle1]

I have seen countless times, where the people that are forced to stand, due a crowded bus, are women. Not one time as any man stood up and offered his seat to one of the ladies - and often times there have been men sitting at very close distances. ,

While I agree that people are not as considerate of others as they once were, I also think that as social values change, so to should manners change. Women are no longer considered frail beings who are constantly in need of the care and protection of randomly encountered males. Women have proved that they can compete both in the workplace and in society, and that they are quite capable of taking care of themselves. When I commuted to work on crowded urban transit, I did not automatically give up my seat so a women could sit, though I did give up my seat to people who I thought needed to sit more than I did. I am more than twice your age, and I have given up my seat countless times to people who were both older and younger than I, and who were more in need of a seat. To consider a person to be less capable of standing (weaker?) because of their gender is no longer considered gentlemanly behavior, and what can be meant as a nice gesture can be considered insulting.

Many years ago, one of my sisters-in-law was embarrassed because a man gave up his seat on the bus on the way home from work so she could sit down. She accepted the seat only because she was visible pregnant, could not get off the bus, and needed to sit. She felt that most of the people on that bus were on their way home from work, were as tired as she was, and had as much right to a seat as she did. Her normal habit during her pregnancy was to only get on the bus if she knew there were empty seats before she boarded, but that day she miscounted; if there were no empty seats, she would wait for the next bus so that no one would need to stand on her account.