Wearing a Kilt to a wedding

[MacMillans son]

Hey guys, long time no see! My sister is getting married and I want to wear a Kilt, but my mom says I'll be showing up the bride and groom and that it would be bad manners. What do y'all think?

I agree that you would not actually show up the bride and groom, but I think it is quite possible that people would wonder why you wore, what will likely viewed as, a "Scottish costume" to a wedding in Florida, other than to draw attention to yourself. Unless you are known by those in attendance to regularly wear the kilt, it will likely be interpreted as "Look at me, look at me!" regardless of your motive for wearing it.

Actually, I don't agree with the feedback to ask the bride, as brides usually want people to be happy at their weddings, and so may not give you honest feedback. I would ask yourself why it is so important to wear the kilt vs. something more traditionally worn to a wedding in America. If what you wear is consistent with the formality of the event, why would you have to ask the bride if you can wear it? Would you do that with the suit you may wear in it's place? I am of the belief that if you have to ask someones permission to wear the kilt, then you probably shouldn't wear it.

The primary reason I wear the kilt is to honor, and draw attention to, my ancestral heritage, something I am quite comfortable doing. But for me, drawing attention at someone else's big day is not that important, there are 364 other days I can do that if I want to.

That's just my honest opinion, and why I would consider other options if you have them.

Enjoy the day regardless of what you choose.

[Braveheart88]

D'oh *facepalm* Why didn't I think of that? Thanks everyone!

[Braveheart88]

I agree that you would not actually show up the bride and groom, but I think it is quite possible that people would wonder why you wore, what will likely viewed as, a "Scottish costume" to a wedding in Florida, other than to draw attention to yourself. Unless you are known by those in attendance to regularly wear the kilt, it will likely be interpreted as "Look at me, look at me!" regardless of your motive for wearing it.

Actually, I don't agree with the feedback to ask the bride, as brides usually want people to be happy at their weddings, and so may not give you honest feedback. I would ask yourself why it is so important to wear the kilt vs. something more traditionally worn to a wedding in America. If what you wear is consistent with the formality of the event, why would you have to ask the bride if you can wear it? Would you do that with the suit you may wear in it's place? I am of the belief that if you have to ask someones permission to wear the kilt, then you probably shouldn't wear it.

The primary reason I wear the kilt is to honor, and draw attention to, my ancestral heritage, something I am quite comfortable doing. But for me, drawing attention at someone else's big day is not that important, there are 364 other days I can do that if I want to.

That's just my honest opinion, and why I would consider other options if you have them.

Enjoy the day regardless of what you choose.

My family knows I wear kilts sometimes (I didn't give up pants, but I was wearing a kilt about as often as anything else) but the groom's family doesn't. It's been awhile since I've worn a kilt because the velcro me and my mom used to fasten the one we made when I was sixteen broke a couple of years ago and I've never got around to repairing it, and the one I got from SportKilt hasn't fit for awhile. I thought I would use the wedding as an excuse to finally buy a nice kilt and an argyle jacket. I've always wanted a serious kilt, but always talked myself out of spending the money.

[Zardoz]

Zardoz' standard response to the 'wedding question' version 2.0

Why worry about wearing your best to a friend or relative's wedding? As a guest I will dress appropriately for the time and venue of the event, wedding or otherwise. My 'appropriate' dress will currently include a kilt.

I've been to plenty of weddings kilted, and since I rarely attend the weddings of strangers, I have never felt the need to ask the bride, (who has enough to worry about) or the bride's family, (technically the hosts) or anyone else to get permission to dress in my usual manner. Do you think the wildly inapproprately dressed folks who always seem to show up at these events asked if it was OK to wear their tube-tops, shorts and crocs?

Look at my friend Barbara here;

See how happy and pretty she is on her wedding day? How in the hell is the bald fat boy in the kilt going to "upstage" her?

[guardsman]

As the old joke says. Man asks kilted groom , whats the tartan, Groom replies Oh shes the one at the bar in white! Hope your sisters day goes well.

[Chas]

Has that ever happened in the whole of recorded history?

When the organ starts playing "Here comes the Bride", does everybody stand and look towards the entrance or will everybody's heads swivel round and look at the guy in the kilt?

If you said that you were thinking of dressing like Ronald McDonald, that might be different.

Regards

Chas

[gary meakin]

Post deleted

[Father Bill]

You know folks, I always tell my young couples that the day is about making the bride happy, and keeping her Mom from climbing the walls so that the bride can be really happy. I then turn to the groom and say, "You just keep your mouth shut, and at the end of the day you get to take her home." That always gets a nervous laugh from both of them because ultimately there's some truth in it.

Parental disquietude is the biggest stressor for the couple in a wedding. I therefore tell my young couples also, that if there's something they really want or don't want, to check with me and if I can possibly support them, they can then say "Father Bill insists it be that way." The parents can be ticked with me all they want; I don't have to live with them for the rest of their lives.

So... this mom is one that you share with the bride. In my little equation, the question is whether she'll natter at the bride and make her life miserable because of your kilt, ("Your stupid brother..." etc. etc. ad infinitum) or if on the other hand it will deflect any grumpiness from the bride to you. You know your Mom; if she's likely to make an issue over it, choose accordingly. The honourable goal is to make your sister really really carefree and happy on the most important day of her life since she was born.

[Tobus]

A couple of things that should be taken into account when considering whether to wear a kilt to a wedding:

1. Are you a part of the ceremony in any way? Being her brother, are you attending only as a guest, or do you have a role such as usher, etc.? If so, she may wish that you wear attire that matches the rest of the party.

2. Does your family have any known connections to the kilt, tartan, etc.? It's much easier to make the family comfortable with a kilt if it's part of one's heritage, as opposed to simply choosing to wear a kilt (which some people would find odd and inappropriate). If you have any ancestral ties to it, push that angle!

3. Yes, check with the bride. Don't just show up kilted and surprise her if you think she might have a negative reaction. A little thing like that can ruin her big day. And when you do ask her if it's OK, you might want to show her a picture of what you intend to wear. I ran across that issue with my step-daughter's wedding last year. My wife (her mother) asked her if it was OK if I wore the kilt, and she didn't sound too thrilled with it. That's because she had only really seen me wearing it casually or for Renaissance faires. Once my wife showed her a picture of me wearing it in a more dressy/formal manner, she readily agreed and said it looked great. So don't make your sister conjure up an image in her head of what you'll be wearing - it may not be what you want it to be. Let a photo do its thousand words worth of work for you. Even if it's a picture of someone else whose manner of dress you intend to emulate.

4. If you do wear it, please make sure it's appropriate to the event. It sounds like you're on track for this already, planning to buy a nice kilt and Argyll jacket, etc. Just remember that this event will be photographed for posterity, and remembered by your sister for the rest of her life. Don't be the guy who she cuts out of the photos from embarrassment!

[seanachie]

I know this is not your wedding, and in case my earlier comment sounded cynical, it was borne of the idea not to get caught up in "the things" the marriage is absolutely the most important thing. I have attended two DIY weddings. One was a friends in New Zealand where we started the day doing grounds keeping early in the morning at a rented place and ended many, many hours later doing tear down and clean up. The second was my own wedding, where the day after we had large trash bins filled with soapy water in the back yard and my wife and I washed all our dishes. The weddings and the parties were 2 of the best I ever attended. My sister has multiple college classmates that spent so much on their weddings and went into so much debt it took them years to pay off. Marriage has been great for me and I dearly love my wife, it's when people get so caught up in the externals that turns me off.

So the long story short to my earlier comment, if I invited someone to the wedding their presence is what really matters and short of being dressed like a buffoon them being there is what matters. We did not have brides maids, a best man, rehearsal dinner and all those things people stress so much about and hence the genesis of my comment.