Request to wear kilt at funeral - but I don't want to!

[opositive]

God must have liked your friend to have taken him so soon.

i offer a compromise--pants to the burial ceremony; kilt at the reception. almost every reception i have gone to has been a celebration of life: less formal, stories, coats come off, stories, whiskey, ties come off, stories... which might be where you might be more comfortable making the widow and her family happy.

[gordontaos]

Since she asked, I would wear the kilt. She would not have asked if she did not want you to wear it, and she is probably looking forward to seeing you kilted.

[sailortats]

My sincere condolences on the loss of your friend. However, as to wearing a kilt to his funeral, I do not see that you have a choice. His widow has requested it. It obviously is going to make her burden a little lighter to see you in a kilt and surely that is what you want to do for her at this sad time. Put your hesitation aside and do as she has asked, for her sake.

[Zardoz]

I'm stunned that there are posts here suggesting he should basically talk the lady out of it!

[Riverkilt]

Islandkilt's and my brother, also a Marine, passed some years back - before my kilted era. I chose to wear a bright yellow Aloha shirt to his services for the same reason your friend's widow wants that "look" at his services. I'd have worn a kilt without hesitation if I'd had one. For me, its a time of celebration and that ties with the kilt and the bright colors.

I've worn kilts to friend's funerals before without any problem. The families have made it a point to thank me for doing so.

I agree the widow's request is paramount. You have a chance to ease her grief. The possible opinions of others are not a factor in this decision.

Kilt up - you'll be glad you did.

[CDNSushi]

If the hesitation and reluctance to wear the kilt stem uniquely and directly from the concern for being the centre of attention, I wouldn't worry much about that -- since everyone else will be in colourful attire. Nor do I really think this would be talked about by anyone as sticking out in their mind long after the event either.

That said, my deepest condolences for your loss.

JD

[sevenoaks]

If he was your friend or even a personal acquaintance,
do him the honour of being whom you are. You owe that to him. Wear your kilt in the proud tradition of whom you are.
His widow, family, will thank you for your thoughtfulness in a sad time. Friends and acquaintances will respect you.

[Mickey]

Deepest condolences my friend.

To the question though, count me in with the wear the kilt comments. Think along the lines of a wedding. The day isn't really about what you want, it is about what the people near to you desire. I would honor the lady's request.

I've been to my share of funerals in the past and have never heard (or myself noticed) what anybody was wearing. Personally, I think commenting later on how someone was dressed at a funeral would be terribly bad form, whether over or under-dressed. That's just snippy.

For a more personal outlook, I no longer go to funerals for a variety of reasons (outside of family), and most people who know me, know this. However, if a friend asked me to attend one, I could/would not deny that request, regardless of my desires.

Wear it proudly, wear it well, and partake in the event in the spirit which is intended/desired.

Just my thoughts.

[Lyle1]

One of the difficult things about funerals is knowing what to say to the family and knowing what can be done to help them through the bereavement process. In this case the widow has told you what you can do that would be meaningful to her. The choice is of course yours, but the widow has made a simple request that can hardly be considered an imposition on you, and it would be kind of you to oblige her in her time of mourning.

[LANCER1562]

Tobus,
Let me say how sorry I am for your loss. As has already been said, I think that you should honor your friend's widow's request and wear your kilt (especially if it is in the Loud McCleod). I have worn my kilt to a few funerals and the family appreciated it. At the funeral for a member of my Reniassance reenactment guild a few years ago a couple of other member wore their faire garb and none of the other mourners said anything. In fact, his widow said how much "Doc" would have really appreciated it.