A glowing review...

[The Kilted Chef]

I need to get some background on this momentous event, to get a 'feel' of how it all happened.

Graham, my wife tells me that she can follow the exact same recipe that I use, but my food always tasts better. I just tell her that I was using a secret ingredient - Mine was made with love! So now we all know Kellys' secret!

Larry

[Kelly]

Hey Guys.......
Answering all of your questions here. It is time to let Rocky out of his cage and take him for a walk.
Thanks for the lovely welcome. Awesome. Yes, Sean, I do need groupies. Yes, I really am Stewart. Of Appin. It is NOT a screen name. I am the Queen and soon Rocky will realize this.
Graham: While Rock and I were making your kilts, (and I kid you not) mostly we talk about was how he was going to kill me. Everyday (I call it the 'White Hot Death Du Jour'), Rocky tells me what kind of 'White Hot Death' I will recieve. But he jests. He really loves me. Today it is a steaming bowl of Cream of White Hot Death. (Ask Jimmy Carbomb - he has witnessed this firsthand).
We drank Harp while we made your kilts. We partake about 2x a week. A kind customer drops it off for us once in awhile. We listened to the Real McKenzies, as usual, or the Tossers. No Barbara Streisand here, fellas. And all of this is what we do on a daily basis to make your kilts. I never would have imagined that this little formula would make you all so happy.
And Sean - Yes, I always walk thru malls criticing (???) pleats (among other things). Yes, I quite frequently have to wear a MP3 with headphones to drown out Rocky, since we share a sewing room about 10' square. What do I do for fun? Well, I am a kiltmaker and an artist (yes, for real), and I beat the heck out of Rocky when the need arises, even though he has about 50 lbs on me.
As for my picture fellas, I will post soon. Haven't had much time to take one. But please be relieved to know that I don't look like Rock. I do have hair. 8)

[RockyR]

Here's the TRUTH about what goes on here...

Kelly and I fight like brother and sister. We spend all day harassing each other in a little room (10 X 15) and have to take breaks to kickbox. It's VERY fun to kickbox with a pair of 10 holed steel toe boots and see the FEAR in her eyes...

Kelly comes at me with 3 types of attack... The "Angry Rabbit" attack, the "Charging Bull" mode, and the "Stevie Wonder" defense.

The "Angry Rabbit" is when she squishes up her face, bares her teeth (i.e. fangs) and stares at you. She then makes this "hard obstructed breathing" type noise. She hyperventilates and foams at the mouth and little puddles of spit accumulate in the corners of her mouth like a rabid dog. She flails her arms at lightening speed as she approaches. This is really more amusing than anything.

The "Charging Bull" is when she puts her head down, scrapes her foot on the floor and puts her fingers aside her head and tries to ram me. This is the easiest to defend against as I just grab her by the back of the neck and force her to the ground like a dog.

The "Stevie Wonder" defense is something to behold... First, she'll turn her head to the side and look up into the air, as if to spot a plane overhead. Then, with slow mechanical resolve she'll move her arms out in front of her as if she's in a dark room looking for a light switch. When she comes into contact with her prey (usually me), she'll launch a full on assault into the "Angry Rabbit". The Stevie Wonder defense is just a "confusion tactic".

As for the "WHITE HOT DEATH", the stories are true. I make up a few songs every day about new ways to kill Kelly. Think of me as the "perverted and Angry Weird Al Yankovic of Irish Music". I usually just make up new lyrics to existing Irish songs or to songs on the radio. Every day, I also let her know what the WHITE HOT DEATH Du Jour is. I am running out of recipies though. Hey Chef, can ou help me cook up some SPECIAL dishes for Kelly? Here are some of my favorites...

Nice cold glass of WHITE HOT DEATH
Steaming hot bowl of WHITE HOT DEATH
Salami and WHITE HOT DEATH on Rye
WHITE HOT DEATH over Angel Hair Pasta
Cream of WHITE HOT DEATH...

The list goes on.

We COULD PROBABLY have orders out within a few hours if we didn't keep stopping to kick each other's A$$E$.

You think that "The Osbournes" and "Family Plot" are amusing? You guys gotta spend a day here. I am thinking of making it a pay per view event. Anyone know the number for Don King?

[Clan Ewan]

Kelly/Rocky,

Thanks for the lyrical descriptions of life at USA Kilts. It was worth waiting for! Regarding your personal interactions, sounds like love to me!

I'm putting my Victory thru its paces today. As soon as I get done in the woodshop, finish working on the kennel and get my ginseng seedlings planted, I'll get some pictures. Ye ole' Victory has been upgraded from virgin to workhorse and it's loving it.

Sean

[richardljohnson]

There really is a Kelly! I have heard stories but never though Rocky would let you out of the kilt making cell!

I too would like to thank you for the insight into USAKilts. I also wanted to thank everyone for the USAKilts. No matter where I go I get comments. Ya'll (a little Texan lingo there) are still my favorite!

RLJ-

[Kelly]

Yes! Yes, Richard, I really do exist! Rocky always hogs my computer so I rarely have the chance to type anything to you all (y'all!). But I have finally put my foot down.

And Sean, don't get the wrong idea at all! It is not 'that' kind of love, but a strange and strong type of tolerance that I have for the lad. Besides, his girlfriend is the best!!! No, really, he is my best friend. And he is one hell of a kiltmaker, let me just state that for the record. (So take that, Rock!)

On a more serious note, it pleases me immensly that you get that many compliments, and you like your kilts so much. I genuinely thank you all for your kind words and kudos. No matter what we joke about, we really and truly work very hard on the kilts and want you all to have the best. You are all the reason we work 80 hours a week in a little tiny room in a cottage! :P

[Alaskan Celt]