Daughter's objection to the kilt - need advice.

**Blupiper** · 8th April 13, 09:48 AM

My daughter (now 26 years old) doesn't mind--she was a highland dancer and I used to be her chauffer and pack animal at competitions (when I wasn't busy over at the piping venue!). While I don't resemble Father Bill's piping banana GIF's above (I'm slightly more pear-shaped), we still go to the Highland Games and have a good time. Maybe your daughter would get into Highland dance?

JMB

**Nile** · 8th April 13, 11:17 AM

Spinnaker,

When I was younger, it bothered me that my dad would come from work dressed in a suit, to watch me in little league or gymnastics while the dads of my friends would be mostly, in jeans and plaid shirts. There was certainly nothing wrong with the way my dad dressed, it was just that he was dressed different than the circumstantial "norm" (for example, all the fathers would be expected to be in suits in church, in those days).

Part of our responsibility as parents is to teach our children by being examples, not to turn them into "mini-me's" but to encourage them to think for themselves, to seek and follow their own interests. If you present a positive picture of your interests, they may become interested in it too, but if you try to push it on them... well that's just not the best way in my opinion. (I've raised three children and have made all the mistakes and yet, somehow, they turned out OK!)

To me, it's wonderful that you are concerned about your daughters feelings and acceptance but, be careful regarding your interest in wearing the kilt; it's your interest, not necessarily by extension, your families. As much as you want them to accept your interest, you must understand their point of view as well.

Your daughter is young but soon, as she broadens her horizons (& discovers boys), she will discover more of the world around her and will come to realize that her slightly unusual Dad is kinda cool.

Nile

**grizzbass** · 9th April 13, 11:35 AM

While I tried never to antagonize my children I thought the best way to deal with "cool" was to demonstrate true cool was to be yourself. In my case it seem to work. None of my children ran with the fads.

**Bearded Man Brew** · 9th April 13, 12:41 PM

With no children myself, I havent dealt with this directly. However, who cares what they think. Be yourself. If you want to wear it, wear it. From my experience teaching, kids are dumb when it comes to anything that is not in the mainstream.

**creagdhubh** · 9th April 13, 12:53 PM

Originally Posted by ForresterModern

Get used to it. Ignore it. Tell her she can walk ten paces behind you or ten paces in front of you if she does not wish to be seen with you. She can sit at a different table in a restaurant. Don't try to reason with her, she is a pre teen and not logical in general. Nothing you do or wear in her presence will be cool enough for her. She would most likely not be seen with you at all. Tell her it is either you wear the kilt or a fluorescent speedo bathing suit, and take her shopping at a swimsuit store to show her the exact one you will buy to wear. You dress in a kilt you embarrass her, you dress in age appropriate fuddy duddy clothes and you embarrass her, you dress in hipster young clothes like her friends and you are a poseur and you embarrass her. What are you to do? Just wear it and smile in the satisfaction of knowing that both you and she are normal and have as healthy a relationship as a father and a ten year old daughter typically have. Enjoy your kilt. Wear it in style, with pride and confidence.

Well said, Jeff!

***

**Katia** · 9th April 13, 05:26 PM

Originally Posted by Chas

If it were me, I would use it as a learning experience (maybe a whole family learning experience). Being tolerant of other's choices is something to be admired.
Chas

Originally Posted by grizzbass

While I tried never to antagonize my children I thought the best way to deal with "cool" was to demonstrate true cool was to be yourself.

Originally Posted by Bearded Man Brew

However, who cares what they think. Be yourself. If you want to wear it, wear it.

All of these.

**TheOfficialBren** · 9th April 13, 05:52 PM

***

I would add that, although I have no children at the moment, I have a similar situation (although inverted). I am the son of a man who is descended from Scots. He was not raised with the kilt or even very much of his Scottish heritage, save what was leftover from the hillfolk of Arkansas and Kentucky.

I discovered my love for my father's heritage relatively late and since he was raised more-or-less with some (regretably there is no other word and I mean this with the UTMOST respect) ignorance regarding his own heritage and ethnic customs it has become a personal quest to revive some of those customs, including but in no way limited kilt-wearing. My mum is in no way Scottish (her roots are English and Cherokee), so there is the occasional raised eyebrow. Dad, although having no interest in donning a kilt of his own, seems to take some mild interest in it.

My sister approves very much. From her perspective, it is part of the beauty of our family's diversity (she and my older brother are very much involved in celebrating our Cherokee roots).
My extended family (aunts, uncles, cousins) are curious and show lots of love and support.
The whole family are all fascinated and impressed with the workmanship and quality of Highland leatherworks and the beauty of tartan.

It's safe to say that the family as a whole is warming up nicely.

**Chas** · 10th April 13, 03:45 AM

I have been thinking about this a lot since my first post and have come to this conclusion.

Cool is overrated.

When my son was at school all the cool parents had a constant aura of 'drama' about them. The simplest of tasks could not be performed without public announcements, press releases and all the preparations for a Normandy invasion. I don't think that they were particularly good parents.

But in their heart of hearts, children don't want cool. They want dependable, reliable and maybe a little bit boring. They want to know where they stand and where their parents stand and to be able to rely on that knowledge. When they fly too high and singe their wings and fall to earth, they want to know that their parents will be there to catch them and keep them safe. They do not want to think that maybe Mum and Dad will be off, on their own flight of fancy.

So, do what you do. Do not do less of it - do more of it. So that all your children will know it and can depend on it.

Cool is overrated.

Regards

Chas

**tundramanq** · 10th April 13, 04:28 AM

*** on the whole thread. A whole lot of common sense and many sympathetic laughs here. The best one liner I have heard was from my sisters husband," We had kids so that we could warp them into own image." They did, successfully, great young adults, no physical or mental scars on the kids nor mom and pop. They are themselves and think uncle Chuck is cool.

**macwilkin** · 10th April 13, 10:48 AM

Originally Posted by TheOfficialBren

***

I would add that, although I have no children at the moment, I have a similar situation (although inverted). I am the son of a man who is descended from Scots. He was not raised with the kilt or even very much of his Scottish heritage, save what was leftover from the hillfolk of Arkansas and Kentucky.

I discovered my love for my father's heritage relatively late and since he was raised more-or-less with some (regretably there is no other word and I mean this with the UTMOST respect) ignorance regarding his own heritage and ethnic customs it has become a personal quest to revive some of those customs, including but in no way limited kilt-wearing. My mum is in no way Scottish (her roots are English and Cherokee), so there is the occasional raised eyebrow. Dad, although having no interest in donning a kilt of his own, seems to take some mild interest in it.

My sister approves very much. From her perspective, it is part of the beauty of our family's diversity (she and my older brother are very much involved in celebrating our Cherokee roots).
My extended family (aunts, uncles, cousins) are curious and show lots of love and support.
The whole family are all fascinated and impressed with the workmanship and quality of Highland leatherworks and the beauty of tartan.

It's safe to say that the family as a whole is warming up nicely.

Sounds like you need to tell the Cherokee side of your family about Principal Chief John Ross, who was more Scottish than Cherokee. After the Trail of Tears, he raised $200 in the 1840s for Scottish famine relief, given the strong ties between the Scots and Cherokees. There's even a Cherokee tartan.

T.