Your worst puns

[tpa]

I did a theatrical performance about puns. Really it was just a play on words.

[GrainReaper]

Last night I had a dream I was working on a car, I was fixing dents, I started to float up and was looking down at myself fixing the car, I woke soon after that and it was then that I realized I just had an auto-body experience.

[Mikilt]

I was delighted when the candle burned out.

[tpa]

Smaller babies may be delivered by stork but the heavier ones need a crane.

[Blupiper]

Heard this one the other day (with apologies if it's a repeat): How do you track Will Smith in the snow? Follow the fresh prints.

JMB

[Mikilt]

I have a phobia about over-engineered, multi-unit buildings.

It's a complex complex complex.

[Mikilt]

How do monkeys get downstairs?

They slide down the bananaster

[LANCER1562]

That last pun had a certain a peel to it.

[Mikilt]

This took a while to write. It might be my Magnum Opus. I should be ashamed.

A pun is a play on words
From the intellectual to the absurd
A pun is in the domain of wit
So says the “pun”dit

A pun is sort of an enigma
Once you’ve punned you bear the stigma
Warning! If you take the plunge
Your record may never be ex”pun”ged

A pun’s in a class all its own
A comedic Rosetta Stone
When you get it, you groan a bunch
When you get it, it’s like a “pun”ch

In every language ever spoken
Someone’s sense of humor’s broken
Timing, of course, is always key
Delivered with “pun”ctuality

Sometimes your mind is bereft
Sometimes you just have nothing left
When you razor wit is blunt
You have no choice, you have to “pun”t

From my mind these puns do burst
If allowed to pun, I’ll do my worst
On my puns you mustn’t pass judgement
Even when my puns are “pun”gent

As I grow older, I grow fonder
Of the elusive double-entendre
Because the puns that are silliest
Are invariably “pun”ctilious

When I pun, it’s with a dash
Of je ne sais quoi tinged with panache
When I pun, it’s full frontal
No sense being contra”pun”tal

Even if you think you’re above
The puns that I so dearly love
You must admit, puns are fun-ish
No good line goes un“pun”ished

I probably pun more than I should
My power is only used for good
I should stop at this juncture
Lest my pun balloon be “pun”ctured

It’s well known that my puns are awful
In 22 countries they’re unlawful
My ignominious end is fated
A punsters life, “pun”ctuated

Now it’s time I took a rest
From my puns, worst and best
Yes, I think this rhyme is done
The punniest rhyme ever s”pun”

[James Hood]

An aspiring novelist submitted his manuscript sample to a publisher.

To his delight, he was told, "Write on."