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Thread: Your worst puns

  1. #221
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    A couple of repeats, but this was fun to write!

    I roux the day I had bad clam chowder
    I mist my chance when it was cloudy
    There was a coffee bruin bear
    Sub Ubi is “Under where”

    A bicycle is just two-tired
    I got close to the kiln and I got fired
    If I put up a wall don’t take a fence
    The traveling circus was in tents

    A corkboard is prone to a tack
    Chiropractors have got your back
    Statute of Imitations is copyright law
    What did Tennessee? Same thing Arkansas

    I get a cab whenever I drink red wine
    Cows don’t grow on a bovine
    How did I escape from Iraq? I ran
    Chicken coupes with 4 doors are chicken sedans

    Runners know agony of de feet
    Attempted Murder when two crows meet
    Rabbits like hops in their beer
    There are a staggering number of deer

    It dawned on me when the sun rose from below
    If someone was selling drugs, weed know
    He talked about circles in a roundabout way
    His supper was left at the door, entree

    She was a moonshiner but her loved her still
    Be sure your dentist knows the drill
    A cow with no legs is beef that is ground
    When you’re in for a punny, you’re in for a pound
    Quote Originally Posted by Alan H View Post
    Some days you're the bat, some days you're the watermelon.

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  3. #222
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    The technology store sold computers at a disk-count

    A punster died. Whether there will be a wake remains to be seen.
    Quote Originally Posted by Alan H View Post
    Some days you're the bat, some days you're the watermelon.

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  5. #223
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    The medical profession is full of morose puns that are used as tension relief. Here are some examples,

    stomach wound -- Won't have the guts to do that again.
    organ transplant -- Her surgery was a half-hearted attempt.
    amputation -- One step at a time toward recovery.
    Hitting one's elbow is not humorous.
    Last edited by Tarheel; 30th July 16 at 06:28 PM.

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  7. #224
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    As is psychiatry.

    "Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined." Samuel Goldwyn

    Patient to doctor after undergoing a lobotomy—"I've got half a mind to ask for my money back."

    I just got the bill from my psychiatrist. It was shrink wrapped.

    I told the Dr. I had multiple personalities. He said he didn't give group rates.
    " Anything worth doing is worth doing slowly." - Mae West -

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  9. #225
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    Different people have tried to count the prison population but they've failed to come to a consensus.
    Quote Originally Posted by Alan H View Post
    Some days you're the bat, some days you're the watermelon.

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  11. #226
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    A recent study found the prison population of one Northeastern state is much more polite than in the rest of the nation. It appears to be con etiquette.
    " Anything worth doing is worth doing slowly." - Mae West -

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  13. #227
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    My dog is sort of mustard colored.

    He's a Gulden Retriever.
    Quote Originally Posted by Alan H View Post
    Some days you're the bat, some days you're the watermelon.

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  15. #228
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    I use a burro as a golf caddy. Most golfers don't use my a$$-in-nine solution.

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  17. #229
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    A moat protects a castle in a roundabout way.
    Quote Originally Posted by Alan H View Post
    Some days you're the bat, some days you're the watermelon.

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  19. #230
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    Squirrels don't like my climb-it controlled bird feeder
    Quote Originally Posted by Alan H View Post
    Some days you're the bat, some days you're the watermelon.

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