Response to Comment.

[Freedomlover]

As many have said on this board respect is a two way street.
I know the answer here is to rise above it but I for one find that hard.

It certainly can be hard. But since I am in fact better than any antagonist it is incumbent upon me to keep a tight reign on my responses. To do less is to descend to the level of the unwashed masses, and simply refuse.

[Archangel]

all the "art of war" philosophies are going to suggest the same things: preparation and not underestimating.
This is why this board is so valuable and why discussions about situations and reactions are important.
I've learned several good responses from these discussions which helps me deal with my own mood at the time. It is also good to confirm that my situation is not unique. I am not the only one singled out but there is a social pressure to conform to some standard: ha! And we all face that.
My favourite from here, which I have added to my arsenal, is asking the lady her name and then asking, "So, ____, why is it that you want that information?".
I think I share Dread's appearance so I'm perceived as an ambassador to grumpy, dour Scots, so anything towards polite seems to work. That works for me. I have no intention of being an ambassador of kilts to people who are insensitive or cannot mind their own business any more than I would be any other time or dress. I strongly resent those who would stamp out any vestige of somebody's cultural identity or freedom of choice.
Don't worry, I think I'm polite more often than not.