Advice/support regarding attitudes towards kilt-wearing

[Alan H]

I think my problem is that I live near Boston, in Massachusetts, and while people here are liberal by tradition, they are very conservative (if not downright xenophobic) by nature. Basically, if you're a male and you're not sporting a beer belly, a tee-shirt and a baseball cap, the attitude is that there must be something wrong with you.

So I have a question for you....

Do you buy into the attitude that you just explained to us? You know, the "if you don't look like this, then there's something wrong with you" attitude?

I bet not.

And if you don't, then why are you considering conforming to it?

I'll make a public confession here. The first half-dozen times I went out and about with a kilt on, I loaded up a HUGE chip on my shoulder and paced around. I stood up taller, I stuck my chest out a bit. I met a whole lot of people eye to eye, though with a smile. If I got a hint of a look from another guy I looked them good and hard straight in the eyes with a smile and a challenge in every fibre of my body language. Nobody said a word.

I didn't come to blows with anyone, I wasn't an aggressive jerk. But I radiated a challenge to anyone and everyone. Nobody took me up on it and I've gotten a lot of stares from Hispanic men around here.

Now that it's almost a year later, I don't worry about it. I'm back to being plain old me, maybe standing a bit taller, but I don't radiate "challenge" every singe second that I'm outside. But if I hadn't done that, I might not have gotten to where I am now, which is a place where a kilt is just another piece of clothing, although a nice one and a fun one and one that people notice.

[Beery]

So I have a question for you....

Do you buy into the attitude that you just explained to us? You know, the "if you don't look like this, then there's something wrong with you" attitude?

I bet not.

And if you don't, then why are you considering conforming to it?

Because I only just started wearing the kilt, and I have 43 years of being accepted for who I was when I wasn't wearing it. That suddenly went away as soon as I took off the trousers. If I put 'em back on, I know that all of a sudden I'll be accepted for who I am again. Is that right? No. Is it easier, hell yeah!

On the 'radiating a challenge' thing, I don't really accept that I should have to 'stare people down' in order to be accepted. I can do it, heck, I DO do it, because there really isn't an alternative as far as I can see, but doing the mental equivalent of a genial "f*** you" every time I meet someone isn't exactly my style.

[KumaSan]

Because I only just started wearing the kilt, and I have 43 years of being accepted for who I was when I wasn't wearing it.

I'm going to go ahead and bet that is wasn't true. If people knew who you were before you started wearing a kilt, then you wouldn't have to worry about who people thought you were before you started wearing a kilt full time.

This sort of thinking does a great disservice to you and those of use who can think outside of our clothing limitations.

[Beery]

I'm going to go ahead and bet that is wasn't true....

Well, at the very least they assumed I wasn't a transvestite. I'm not at all sure that's the case now.

[Mr. Kilt]

Well, at the very least they assumed I wasn't a transvestite. I'm not at all sure that's the case now.

The first time my sister in law saw me kilted we were in a restaurant with a bunch of the family. She's quite outspoken, and she asked, quite loudly, why I wanted to look like a woman. I told her to look around the restaurant. If I wanted to dress like a woman, I'd be wearing pants. She shut up. That's my normal answer to anyone who even suggests I might be cross-dressing. It usually works. On the plus side, I've only been questioned about that a couple of times in the past 3 years.

[Alan H]

Because I only just started wearing the kilt, and I have 43 years of being accepted for who I was when I wasn't wearing it. That suddenly went away as soon as I took off the trousers. If I put 'em back on, I know that all of a sudden I'll be accepted for who I am again. Is that right? No. Is it easier, hell yeah!

On the 'radiating a challenge' thing, I don't really accept that I should have to 'stare people down' in order to be accepted. I can do it, heck, I DO do it, because there really isn't an alternative as far as I can see, but doing the mental equivalent of a genial "f*** you" every time I meet someone isn't exactly my style.

I hear ya!!! Who wants to live their lives with a chip on their shoulder all the time? It's not my style, either. However, in a way it was good for me to be/think/act very differently for a little while. I know that sounds nuts, but I really think it was good. For me personally, it was good to have a charged issue with my spouse that I would not back down on. Not giving in to her misgivings, little looks, comments and eyerolls has helped the power-balance and respect issues within our marriage. I learned some things during that chip-on-the-shoulder period, and that was good. I don't expect other people to necessarily want to do the same thing, though, and I very much wouldn't want to spend my whole life living like that..

It may very well be that it's a tremendous lot easier to exist in your part of town in trousers than it is in a kilt. So you'll have to make that decision yourself. I will say that I think you should try it and see if more of the negative reaction you feel that you're seeing is in your own head, rather than actually out there. A few glances from men from cultures with no exposure to kilts, women checking out a sporran, and/or a gaggle of immature teenagers pointing and laughing is not unusual. Having the men at the lumberyard laugh at you and refuse to find the 3/4 inch ACX plywood and haul six pieces of it to the bed of your truck is a problem and that is very different. Being refused service in a restaurant is a problem.

On the one hand, it's easier to trot around in what everyone expects you to wear. And after all, you (and I) wore pants for forty-ump years and I don't think either of us would say we were weak-kneed, spineless conformists just because we happened to wear pants. So if you want to wear pants, heck yes....wear pants. I wear pants 3-4 days a week.

On the other hand, if you want to wear a kilt and you let other peoples expectations prevent you from doing that, then where does that leave you?
Certainly if your workplace has a dress code that forbids kilts, then you're pretty much stuck, eh? If you're in an industry where you don't necessarily go to a workplace, but you depend on contacts and "impressions" of clients and other people you work with to keep work flowing, then perhaps you will be sacrificing income to indulge a kilt-wearing habit. Only you will know if that's worth it to you.

I, personally, live in a University town in Northern California. I dress cleanly and reasonably smartly for work. I've worn kilts 2-3 days a week to work now for almost a year, and no real repercussions. However, I was *Very* leery those first few weeks, I can tell you. For me, it became an independence issue. I know this sounds crazy, but I wanted to wear a kilt. I found this online place called XMarksthe Scot and found a mess of other guys that wore kilts out and about in all sorts of different communities. I decided that I should try it. I faced objections and mistrust from my spouse about it. But I am adamant about ME making MY OWN decisions and so I stuck with it.

That's just me. Other people have other stories. You're obviously a thoughtful, intelligent guy who knows himself well enough to know how he wants to handle his life. This post may not provide answers for you, but I'll say this...I have confidence that you will come to a good decision for yourself.

Alan

[Alan H]

There's "attention" and there's "attention".

If the punked-out teenagers on the corner heckle you on the street, uh.....well, that's not really all that important is it? If the third graders in school from the community that has no introduction or awareness of kilts point and laugh, well...uh...

I bring these up, because they've happened to me, you see.

If you feel that you're getting "looks"...if you notice people looking at your chest as you walk by, and then their eyes slide down just as you're almost even with them so that they can check out the kilt....uh....I'll share this. That happens to me about twenty times a day. Nobody actually says anything, they're just checking out something that's a little bit different. No worries.

If people seem confused, especially people that have known you for a long time, well...that's disturbing, but you know what? They've known you for fifteen years. They know WHO you are. It's not like your'e wearing a floral print miniskirt, you know? They can deal with it. They KNOW you.

If your spouse or girlfriend is freaking out, well, that's an issue, isn't it? That might take some tact, patience and understanding. you know her better than we do, I'm sure you can come to a wise decision.

all of the above are totally everyday experiences that any guy in the USA that's wearing a kilt will have. Be prepared for them.

What's NOT so much fun is if you're running into this....

People are calling you "crossdresser" or epithets for "homosexual" to your face, in a nasty, menacing tone of voice.

When you go to the store, all the people unashamedly stare at you like you're a space alien, and dangerous...not one or two not-so-bright peoploe...ALL the people.

When you go to a restaurant or a pub, they won't serve you. So you go to another one and they won't serve you there, either.

When you go to work, you discover that all the office dirt you used to get has suddenly dried up. You discover that all of a sudden the people you used to eat lunch with don't want to be seen near you. You notice the secretaries giving you funny looks and conversation suddenly goes quiet when you walk by.

THOSE....are not funny.

[Beery]

What's NOT so much fun is if you're running into this....

People are calling you "crossdresser" or epithets for "homosexual" to your face, in a nasty, menacing tone of voice.

I wish they would come right out and say it. I find confrontation very easy to deal with. One thing is for sure, they wouldn't say it again because I'm not the sort of guy who suffers fools gladly, and I can out-menace pretty much anyone - when I'm angry I won't back down from anyone and I've faced down people twice my size. The biggest part of the problem for me is not being sure that they're idiots. If they would just say what's on their minds we could sort out their problems.

When you go to the store, all the people unashamedly stare at you like you're a space alien, and dangerous...not one or two not-so-bright peoploe...ALL the people.

Hehe, I had that yesterday. I went into my local liquor store to buy some beer and the clerk started staring and whispering to her coworker, then she actually looked out the window to check what sort of car I was driving - as if that would clue her in on what was going on, LOL. I just smiled and acted as if nothing odd was happening, but I felt like the guy in the movie 'The Station Agent' when he goes to the grocery store.

When you go to a restaurant or a pub, they won't serve you. So you go to another one and they won't serve you there, either.

I haven't had that happen yet. If that happens, there will be pub/restaurant staff who will become acquainted with my temper, and they will surely regret it, LOL.

[Jerry]

i'm one of those here who is definitely NOT a full time kilt wearer. Until recently, I wore only at festivals and such.For one thing, I only had a couple of kilts. Now I'm soon to be up to 8, only 5 of which I even consider wearing out in public. My suggestion, if you are interested in wearing your kilt, get a Tartan kilt from Stillwater kilts.The Standard model will run you from 70 to 80 dollars and the economy will be between 40 and 45 dollars. Many people who haven't been to Celtic events don't recognize the UK as a kilt. All they know about kilts is that they are tartaned garments worn by Scotsmen. Get people used to seeing you in a tartan kilt, then bring out the UK again. Then people will probably ask about the UK and you can explain that it is a modern kilt, but sttill a man's garment just like a tartan kilt.

[davedove]

If you're really having a problem with it, why don't you try easing into it a little slower. First, like it's been suggested, try getting an inexpensive tartan kilt like Stillwater. Then try going to a few Scottish/Irish/Celtic Festivals where others will also be kilted to build up your confidence in a friendly environment. Then start wearing it on special days, like St. Patrick's Day or National Tartan Day. All of these will help build up your confidence and get others used to seeing you kilted. Then just start wearing it on other days.

There will always be some people who look at you funny, and sometimes you may get some derogatory remarks. But the only way to get used to wearing the kilt is to wear it. I think everyone here will admit that wearing the kilt is doing something outside the societal norm, so you just have to accept that. The trick is to get comfortable being outside the norm.