What time was it...

**KiltedCodeWarrior** · 14th February 06, 09:25 PM

The other night I was invited out for a night with "the boys". I told my wife that I would be home by midnight ..promise!

Well, the hours passed and the beer was going down way too easy. At around 2:30 a.m., drunk as a skunk, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly, I realized she'd probably wake up, so I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself, having a quick-witted solution, even when smashed, to escape a possible conflict.

The next morning my wife asked me what time I got in, and I told her twelve o'clock. She didn't seem disturbed at all. Whew! Got away with that one!

She then told me that we needed a new cuckoo clock.

When I asked her why, she said, "Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said "oh ****," cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then farted."

**Southern Breeze** · 14th February 06, 09:34 PM

:-D Warning: Genius at work!

**Jeremiah** · 14th February 06, 09:39 PM

Originally Posted by KiltedCodeWarrior

The other night I was invited out for a night with "the boys". I told my wife that I would be home by midnight ..promise!

Well, the hours passed and the beer was going down way too easy. At around 2:30 a.m., drunk as a skunk, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly, I realized she'd probably wake up, so I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself, having a quick-witted solution, even when smashed, to escape a possible conflict.

The next morning my wife asked me what time I got in, and I told her twelve o'clock. She didn't seem disturbed at all. Whew! Got away with that one!

She then told me that we needed a new cuckoo clock.

When I asked her why, she said, "Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said "oh ****," cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then farted."

If this is a true story, then that is simply hilarious!

**cavscout** · 14th February 06, 09:47 PM

Careful dude, you're gonna get us caught. She might be onto us!

Hilarious story.

**Southern Breeze** · 14th February 06, 11:09 PM

THE CORRECT WAY TO COME HOME DRUNK!

Two married buddies are out drinking one night, when one
turns to the other and says, "You know, I don't know what else to do...

Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off
before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the
garage. Take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs,
get undressed in the bathroom. I ease into bed and my wife STILL Wakes Up,
and Yells at me for staying out so late!

"His buddy looks at him and says "Well, you're obviously taking the wrong
approach.
I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps,throw my shoes in the closet, undress in the bedroom, then jump into bed,
say LETS PARTY!!!" and she acts like she's sound asleep. It Works
Every Time!!

**Eujeankilt** · 15th February 06, 07:34 AM

Originally Posted by KiltedCodeWarrior

The other night I was invited out for a night with "the boys". I told my wife that I would be home by midnight ..promise!

Well, the hours passed and the beer was going down way too easy. At around 2:30 a.m., drunk as a skunk, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly, I realized she'd probably wake up, so I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself, having a quick-witted solution, even when smashed, to escape a possible conflict.

The next morning my wife asked me what time I got in, and I told her twelve o'clock. She didn't seem disturbed at all. Whew! Got away with that one!

She then told me that we needed a new cuckoo clock.

When I asked her why, she said, "Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said "oh ****," cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then farted."

KCW,

Thanks for that. I'm glad I put my coffee down first. That's one of the best chuckles I've gotten from this forum. :mrgreen:

Dale

**KiltedCodeWarrior** · 15th February 06, 07:42 AM

Glad everyone enjoyed! I wish I could take credit for this being a real life story of my own party times, but alas, it is something I found surfing last night. I would love to think I would come up with this after coming home late, but I doubt I would be thinking that clearly at that point in time after a night of partying!

**djweso** · 15th February 06, 08:02 AM

I don't care if its true or not. Its definitely funny.

**pdcorlis** · 15th February 06, 08:12 AM

Hilarious!!!!!!!!!! :grin:

**Mr. Kilt** · 15th February 06, 09:41 AM

Ok, those were pretty darn funny!! I have to add one of my own now...

The Rancher’s Widow

A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife. She was a very good-looking woman and was determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching.

So, she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand. Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk. She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk.

He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching. For weeks the two of them worked and the ranch was doing very well.

Then one day, the rancher's widow said to the hired hand, "You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great. You should go into town and kick up your heels."

The hired hand readily agreed and went into town one Saturday night. One o'clock came, however, and he didn't return. Two o'clock, and no hired hand.

He returned around two-thirty, and upon entering the room, he found the rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him.

She quietly called him over to her.

"Unbutton my blouse and take it off," she said.

Trembling, he did as she directed.

"Now take off my boots."

He did as she asked, ever so slowly.

"Now take off my socks."

He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots.

"Now take off my skirt."

He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire light.

"Now take off my bra."

Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was told and dropped it to the floor.

"Now," she said, "take off my panties."

By the light of the fire, he slowly pulled them down and off.

Then she looked at him and said, "If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you're fired."