Wives' objections...kind of long...

[Randy]

Marriage or any relationship is a team effort. It seems the needs of relationship are not being met, support of the spouse with new clothing choice, maybe she is confused about kilt wearing. He may not be explaining his desire for new wardrobe adequately. Quid pro quo, you must know what one can bend on and what you can not.

My wife saw I was interested in kilts and demanded I order one. Now she enjoys me being happy and admires the swish. Our children are split. My daughter gently teases but realizes I'm old and humors me. Our son is a little more into eye rolling but knows it too late and will not join Kilts Anonymous.
We rarely sit down and talk about dividing up tasks or whatever. As things happen, the person best suited for the task steps up and if needed advised of other viewpoints for resolution.

It took forever to find someone to put up me. And after all these years she still puts up with my ways.

[ByDand]

My wonderful wife has always been supportive of my wearing the kilt. My brother on the other hand refuses to be seen with me if I am in a kilt which means we don't see each other very often. He is not into heritage very much and will not even discuss the kilt so if we are going to a family thing, I don't wear the kilt. Needless to say, we don't attend many family outings!

[Graham]

I think it all comes down to the relationship, mutual love, tolerance etc.

My wife has never really liked me in kilts, nor the money I spend on them. However, she respects my decision and come to accept that I want to wear the kilt.
I guess it comes down to the type of person she is, and her past, her biases, her teaching...all kinds of stuff that makes her the way she is.
Mostly, it's about love, love is patient, love is kind (1 Corinthians 13).

So the outcome is going to be different for different couples.
OTOH, some here have wives who rave about their husbands in kilts, mine is not and never will be like that. But I am content with the mutual respect we have.
Hope this helps.

[Schultz]

My wife loves that I wear kilts. Sure, she likes to see me wear pants every now and then (something about my "perfect posterior") and she does thanks to the fact that I do wear a suit to work once or twice a week, mostly because it was made by one of my dearest friends, a professional tailor,and he always asks about it. He even made me a second pair of trousers for my birthday last year.

Anyways, as I said, Miranda loves me wearing the kilt. However, she absolutely abhors the comments wearing one produces, particularly if they come in a flirtatious manner. Now me, I'm quite oblivious to such flirtations because I'm most decidedly an unflirtatious person. I tend to see such comments as complimentary encouragement. My wife, however, being a flirtatious person herself, doesn't and it has, in the past, caused some consternation between us. She can't understand why I can't see such comments (even apparently benign ones like, "Is that really that comfortable?") would upset her, and I can't understand why she would choose to get so upset over a passing comment that I've obviously ignored. She finds it incredibly disrespectful of people to "ask the question" and I always tell her that I agree with her. However, I'm just not the type of person to get upset at passing moronic comments from ignorant people. She is.

We have, however, talked at length about it, and we've come to a point of tolerance and respect for each other's feelings on the subject. If someone makes a comment, I accept it for what it means to me and I also acknowledge that it may be upsetting to Miranda. For her part, she's learning not to get so upset because someone chooses to pay me a compliment and that I'm oblivious to what may be another's flirtatious behavior.

As some pointed out earlier, it's all about communication and, through that communication, mutual respect and tolerance. I've never been the most communicative person (I unfortunately take after my tight lipped father in that regard) but I can honestly say that one thing has really helped foster communication between my wife and I: The Kilt.

[ronstew]

I disagree with both Shay and MacSimoin. My opinion is that it is none of your business.

But I think Shay, MacSimoin and I all agree that no good can come of it if you get involved.



(If it were me, I'd probably get involved, but I am much better at giving advice than following it.)

[mddock58]

Ask any law enforcement officer, a domestic argument is the last place you would want to be in the middle of.

Keep, safe, keep out!

Support by your encouragement to him, She needs to change through her means. Maybe she will, maybe it will never happen.

[Riverkilt]

Jeez Zardoz,

I'm with the "put your helmet on and stay low" folks. And, I'm a licensed professional counselor in my state with education, training, and experience in marriage and family counseling.

All any of us can do is take a wild guess at what's with the relationship. My wild guess would be that J is off sewing kilts, making furniture et.al. and Mrs. J is lonely and hating the stuff he makes for stealing time from her.

Then a therapist would delve into why this "stuff making" is more important to J than his relationship....and on and on it goes until they decide to work things out or split up and try again.

But no way advice from this most wonderful board is gonna help since its based on almost total lack of knowledge of what's happening...and that includes my advice. Worse, what we do "know" is based on near gossip.

Okay, broke my own rule. Helmet back on, digging in low.

Ron

[Pleater]

Maybe trying to include Mr and Mrs 'J' in occasions where a kilt is not a spectacle but just plain ordinary might help to defuse the situation to some extent - but I think there is little else an outsider can do without seeming to take sides, never a good idea.

It might do them good to be out together in a convivial atmosphere, solitude and isolation can be destructive when combined with angry or bitter thoughts.

[NewKilt]

My wife did not like the idea of me wearing kilts at first, but was tolerant. She warmed to the idea over time, and has even said I look nice. I think she was afraid of what people might say when we were out in public. After she had been out with me a few times and saw that it was no big deal, she has no problem being with me anywhere while I'm kilted.

However, she doesn't understand why I need so many kilts . . . the addiction you know.


Darrell

[Zardoz]

Believe me, I'm not gonna jump in their business! I didn't get to the age I am by butting into folks personal stuff! I limit my advice to the few things I feel really confident about; primarily motorcycling, firearms, and film reviews!

I will let my co-worker, the mutual friend, who knows them much better worry about this one if he wants to! He seems to think there is a bigger problem there too, but is at a loss as to how to help.

I did find it enteresting that some of our members here have spouses that are not that supportive of the kilt thing, but as we've observed, everyone has a different give and take intheir relationships.

Cheers!