Questions from the NON-KILTED

**Pour1Malt** · 11th April 06, 10:17 AM

ai was in a British themed pub/resturant in 'merica...

an my lassie an ai were eatin' supper an ha'in

a bit o' verbal foreplay aboot whit we micht bae oop tae later that nicht

in the bedroom... (as ya do)...

(my lassie wuz suggestin' playin' a bit o' Pirate & Captured Wench...)

when this aulder lassie comes o'er tae oor table an asks me "are you playing tonight?"

we were baith a bit shocked an stammygaster'd...

(we thought she must o' o'er heard us- but why is is askin???)...

"weel, ai guess we will bae, ma'am" ai say...

"oh, do you play the bagpipes too?" see says tae mai sweety....

"oh, goody, I hope you'll play for us" she says...

"whit? play fur wha?" says ai...

then it hit us baiith! (kilt = bagpipes!)

"och, nay... sorry"... ai say "ai dinae play the pipes"

"oh, so what do you play? What were you talking about?" she says

my lassie starts lauchin' an almaist coups aff her chair....

"naithin' ma'am... sorry... ai misunderstood ya... sorry..."

"oh, that's a shame " she says... "I was hoping to hear you play..."

"och, nay, ma'am ya wouldnae want yae hear us playin'" says mai lassie (gigglin her heid aff)

the piur lass jus walk'd awa a' confeesed...

we lauched aboot tha a' nicht....

**Kilted KT** · 11th April 06, 10:41 AM

Originally Posted by Pour1Malt

ai was in a British themed pub/resturant in 'merica...

an my lassie an ai were eatin' supper an ha'in

a bit o' verbal foreplay aboot whit we micht bae oop tae later that nicht

in the bedroom... (as ya do)...

(my lassie wuz suggestin' playin' a bit o' Pirate & Captured Wench...)

when this aulder lassie comes o'er tae oor table an asks me "are you playing tonight?"

we were baith a bit shocked an stammygaster'd...

(we thought she must o' o'er heard us- but why is is askin???)...

"weel, ai guess we will bae, ma'am" ai say...

"oh, do you play the bagpipes too?" see says tae mai sweety....

"oh, goody, I hope you'll play for us" she says...

"whit? play fur wha?" says ai...

then it hit us baiith! (kilt = bagpipes!)

"och, nay... sorry"... ai say "ai dinae play the pipes"

"oh, so what do you play? What were you talking about?" she says

my lassie starts lauchin' an almaist coups aff her chair....

"naithin' ma'am... sorry... ai misunderstood ya... sorry..."

"oh, that's a shame " she says... "I was hoping to hear you play..."

"och, nay, ma'am ya wouldnae want yae hear us playin'" says mai lassie (gigglin her heid aff)

the piur lass jus walk'd awa a' confeesed...

we lauched aboot tha a' nicht....

that sounds like one of the best kilted nights I can think of!!!

**Mr. Kilt** · 11th April 06, 10:44 AM

One of the best replies to the "where are your bagpipes" question came from another Xmarks member whose name has escaped me. I've used it once or twice now myself, always to roaring laughter.

"My bagpipes? She divorced me for calling her that too many times."

**switchblade5984** · 11th April 06, 10:55 AM

Originally Posted by GatorUK

The old "I don't have bagpipes, Jethro..where's your banjo?" Is one of my favorites.

thats good

like the orig post too

**andyfg** · 11th April 06, 11:12 AM

I usually say something like, "Ah, you mean the highland pipes, or are you thinking of the Scotish longs, or perhaps the Scottish smallpipes with the bellows, though I prefer the Nothumbrian smallpipes myself (with a seven keyed chanter, rather than the more elaborate eleven keys), which is not to say that the Northunbrian half-longs aren't a little sweeter, but perhaps not if you come from Cornwall . . ."

Eyes have by now glazed over. End of conversation.

**Kilted KT** · 11th April 06, 11:16 AM

Originally Posted by andyfg

I usually say something like, "Ah, you mean the highland pipes, or are you thinking of the Scotish longs, or perhaps the Scottish smallpipes with the bellows, though I prefer the Nothumbrian smallpipes myself (with a seven keyed chanter, rather than the more elaborate eleven keys), which is not to say that the Northunbrian half-longs aren't a little sweeter, but perhaps not if you come from Cornwall . . ."

Eyes have by now glazed over. End of conversation.

( glazey eyed ) Huh?

**arrogcow** · 11th April 06, 11:33 AM

Originally Posted by GatorUK

The old "I don't have bagpipes, Jethro..where's your banjo?" Is one of my favorites.

Minor hijack,

I won a banjo this week in a charity raffle. Anyone know where I can get a tartan strap?

Adam

**Kilted KT** · 11th April 06, 11:40 AM

Originally Posted by arrogcow

Minor hijack,

I won a banjo this week in a charity raffle. Anyone know where I can get a tartan strap?

Adam

hijack fix...you can order tartan by the yard ( to put over a stap you have) from several vendors on the web...as far as a off-the-rack tartan strap, I've never seen one.

**Schultz** · 11th April 06, 11:46 AM

Originally Posted by Kilted KT

hijack fix...you can order tartan by the yard ( to put over a stap you have) from several vendors on the web...as far as a off-the-rack tartan strap, I've never seen one.

that's just what i did with my guitar strap. I got one of those 10 oz (or even less) tartan sashes at a highland games, wrapped it around my strap lengthwise and sewed up the seam on the back. 8 years later and it's still looking good.