Sounds like my house when I was growing up, only we didn't have ceiling fans. We had to improvise...using wooden shingles on a string. Same principle, though.

Oh, you forgot to mention:

1. A couch is a fantastic crash mat.

2. A 5 yr. old boy can find his way onto the refridgerator, and fly with his batman underroos and superman cape.

3. The word "MOOOOMMMMIIEEEEEEE" is a surefire sign that you either need to replace something very expensive, or go to the hospital to sew someone up.

4. Mashed potatoes dry hard in about five hours.