Rules of E.M.S

[Southern Breeze]

1. Skin signs tell all.
2. Sick people don't complain.
3. Air goes in and out, blood goes round and round, any variation on this is a bad thing.
4. Newbies have there own way of doing things.
5. The more equipment you see on a EMTs belt, the newer they are.
6. There is no rule 6.
7. When dealing with patients, supervisors, or citizens, if it felt good saying it, it was the wrong thing to say.
8. All bleeding stops....eventually.
9. All people will eventually die, no matter what you do.
10. If the child is quiet, be scared.

(And A few more)
11. Always follow the rules, but be wise enough to forget them sometimes.
12. If the patient vomits in the rig try to hold thier head to the side of the rig with the disposable equipment, not the stuff you have to clean.
13. If someone dies by chemical hazards, electrical shocks or other on-scene dangers it should be the patient, not you.
14. Any EMT, FF, LEO and/or scene chief who is more drunk (or more stupid) than the patient is the real problem.
15. There will be problems.
16. You can't cure stupid.
17. If it's wet and sticky and not yours, LEAVE IT ALONE!
18. If at all possible, avoid any edible item that firefighters prepare, especially the tuna casserole.
19. Heaven protects Fools and Drunks.
20. EMS is extended periods of intense boredom, interrupted by occasional moments of sheer terror.
21. Every Emergency has three phases PANIC, FEAR, AND REMORSE.
22. You are bound to get a call either during dinner, while you are on the can, or at 02:00 in the middle of a great dream.
23. Rocket scientists that get into stupid car crashes are the first ones to complain how bumpy the ambulance ride is.
24. The severity of the injury(s) is directly proportional to the difficulty in accessing, as well as the weight, of the patient.
25. Turret mounted machine guns usually work better than lights and sirens.
26. Make sure the rookie EMT knows that a med patch is a radio term, and not a medicated bandage.
27. Paramedics save lives; But it's EMT skills that save Paramedics.
28. When a patient vomits outside, be sure to aim it at the citizens who wouldn't back up.
29. Never trust your rig, drug box, or airway bag to be
fully stocked. In spite of the assurances of the offgoing crew.
30. If you don't have it, don't give up, Adapt, Improvise, Overcome, (then call for a second unit).
31. There is no such thing as a "textbook case"
32. Newbies always look for large things in the smallest compartments and vice versa.
33. There is no such thing as a bad call. Only calls that didn't go the way you planned.
36. If there are no drunks at an MVA after midnight, keep looking, some one is missing.
37. Just cause your paranoid does not mean the Supervisor isn't around the corner.
38. Remember what MICN stands for, "May I interrupt your Call Now?".
39. Just because someone's license date is before yours does not mean they know what they are doing.

[GlassMan]

36. If there are no drunks at an MVA after midnight, keep looking, some one is missing.

That reminds me of a call back when I was riding on the ambulance at Station 31 in PG County Maryland.

We got dispatched for a stab wound at an MVA on Route 1. Well, we drove up and down and up and down Rte 1 but couldn't find a Motor Vehicle Accident. We radioed dispatch and they assured us that there was an MVA somewhere on that block on Rte 1. They even said that cops were already on the scene. Finally we noticed a darkened cop car in a parking lot - the parking lot of the MVA, as in Motor Vehicle Administration. After muttering a few choice words about the clueless folks at Communications we then went to treat the patient who was sitting on the steps of the Motor Vehicle Administration.

There should be another rule added: "Never trust a dispatcher to get any information right."

[fhpdo]

Glassman,
As a dispatcher I kinda resent that remark. You would be amazed how many people call for assistance and have no clue where they are. Not taking too much offense because it goes both ways....we make fun of you guys in the field as well. Please bear in mind this is not in any way a hostile post ....just sticking up for those of us on the other end of the radio.
John

[GlassMan]

Glassman,
As a dispatcher I kinda resent that remark. You would be amazed how many people call for assistance and have no clue where they are. Not taking too much offense because it goes both ways....we make fun of you guys in the field as well. Please bear in mind this is not in any way a hostile post ....just sticking up for those of us on the other end of the radio.
John

No offense taken. And I should have qualified that with "don't trust PG County Dispatchers (if you can even understand them)." When I was with Arlington County we never had any problems with the dispatcher.

And to illustrate your point about the crazy things ambulance crews say, there is the infamous case of the Lost Ambulance of DC. This one even made the local news. And ambulance was dispatched to a call in South East DC in a rather dangerous area. When no one heard from the unit for a long time the dispatcher called for their location. The EMT responded with "We're at the corner of Walk and Don't Walk."

Departments all around the District are still making fun of that one.

[Southern Breeze]

I would just like to add this, the back and forth between dispatch and the crews in the field often reaches legendery status.

[Caradoc]

I would just like to add this, the back and forth between dispatch and the crews in the field often reaches legendery status.

Not just for EMT/Paramedics/etc.

I've heard some very weird conversations on MANY communications channels.

Air traffic, for example, has some rather choice anecdotes.

And if you're *really* looking for weird conversations, listen to a group of UNIX sysadmins on an outage call at 2AM, when they're sure that none of the management are listening.

[Kiltedfirepiper]

I remember one day I was working a fire resQ got sent to BFE for a BS call ....well the map book they had wasnt up to date so they got lost ...Alarm called them and asked where they were.....they responded with " we're on a dirt road....heading west ....we're directly under the sun nnnnnnnnnnnnow !


oh yeah they got in trouble .......
theres one of those murphy 's laws that goes like this

paramedics are to assume dispatch is stupid till dispatch proves your assumption

Dispatch is to assume paramedics are stupid till the paramedics prove your assumption

stupid questions...

nurse saying to medic U/A to the hospital w/ an active code arrest
whats his name?....answer "I dont know...I've asked him 4 times and he wont answer!
same code ....."whats his vitals ? .....answer....well.... if we're doing CPR correctly about 100 beats a min. 24 breaths a min. and a systolic of about 40 !

why did you bring him here?
answer.....well the big sign that says EMERGENCY ROOM over the bay kinda tipped us off that we were in the right place!!

there are a lot more of those but I cant remember what site I found them on

NOTE TO NURSES.........please dont be upset with this post ...it was meant in fun ....besides I'm sure you could come up with 100 or more stupid FAQ'a from medics and personally I would LOVE to hear em!
if we cant make fun of ourselves than how can we make fun of anyone else?
as far as dispatchers go ...I'm always nice to them .....cause they can make me work harder if I get them mad!!


Scott.....starting medic school in AUG. ....and cause Im a glutton for punishment medic to NURSING school after that