Rules for Dating My Daughter

[davedove]

I really like these:

This ones for all the firemen out there.

When we burn down a house for training, nobody ever looks in the closets.

Most of my friends are cops, paramedics, or firefighters. WE ARE 911. If you make me mad who do you think you're going to call for help?

Whenever you're alone with her, you better remember that someday you may be alone with me!

[Livingston]

All well and good....BUT what do you do when your daughter is dating a cop The good thing is that she REALLY likes him. AND even tho he is a big guy, he was very nervous when they were out here at the beginning of the month and we took them up to meet my 79 year old father. I think Dad scared him even tho he's 5' 5" and out of shape.

[smaughazard]

My girls are 18 and 20 now, and well able to take care of themselves. When they first started dating, I simply insisted that they be picked up at home- and I made a point of answering the door. Usually in an old bike rally shirt that says "What the F*** are YOU lookin' at?" Plus, I'm 6'3'', 250 lbs. and ugly…

[Sciuropterus]

Rules for younger kids:


Household Principles for Children Based on the Old Testament

Laws of Forbidden Places:

* Of the beasts of the field, and of the fishes of the sea, and of all foods that are acceptable in my sight you may eat, but not in the living room.
* Of the hoofed animals, broiled or ground into burgers, you may eat, but not in the living room.
* Of the cloven-hoofed animal, plain or with cheese, you may eat, but not in the living room.
* Of the cereal grains, of the corn and of the wheat and of the oats, and of all the cereals that are of bright color and unknown provenance you may eat, but not in the living room.
* Of quiescently frozen dessert and of all frozen after-meal treats you may eat, but absolutely not in the living room.
* Of the juices and other beverages, yes, even of those in sippy-cups, you may drink, but not in the living room, neither may you carry such therein.
* Indeed, when you reach the place where the living room carpet begins, of any food or beverage there you may not eat, neither may you drink. But if you are sick, and are lying down and watching something, then may you eat in the living room.

Laws When at Table:

* And if you are seated in your high chair, or in a chair such as a greater person might use, keep your legs and feet below you as they were.
* Neither raise up your knees, nor place your feet upon the table, for that is an abomination to me. Yes, even when you have an interesting bandage to show, your feet upon the table are an abomination, and worthy of rebuke.
* Drink your milk as it is given you, neither use on it any utensils, nor fork, nor knife, nor spoon, for that is not what they are for; if you will dip your blocks in the milk, and lick it off, you will be sent away.
* When you have drunk, let the empty cup then remain upon the table, and do not bite it upon its edge and by your teeth hold it to your face in order to make noises in it sounding like a duck: for you will be sent away.
* When you chew your food, keep your mouth closed until you have swallowed, and do not open it to show your brother or your sister what is within; I say to you, do not so, even if your brother or your sister has done the same to you.
* Eat your food only; do not eat that which is not food; neither seize the table between your jaws, nor use the raiment of the table to wipe your lips.
* I say again to you, do not touch it, but leave it as it is.
* And though your stick of carrot does indeed resemble a marker, draw not with it upon the table, even in pretend, for we do not do that, that is why.
* And though the pieces of broccoli are very like small trees, do not stand them upright to make a forest, because we do not do that, that is why.
* Sit just as I have told you, and do not lean to one side or the other nor slide down until you are nearly slid away. Heed me; for if you sit like that, your hair will go into the syrup. And now behold, even as I have said, it has come to pass.

Laws Pertaining to Dessert:
For we judge between the plate that is unclean and the plate that is clean, saying first, if the plate is clean, then you shall have dessert. But of the unclean plate, the laws are these:

* If you have eaten most of your meat, and two bites of your peas with each bite consisting of not less than three peas each, or in total six peas, eaten where I can see, and you have also eaten enough of your potatoes to fill two forks, both forkfuls eaten where I can see, then you shall have dessert.
* But if you eat a lesser number of peas, and yet you eat the potatoes, still you shall not have dessert; and if you eat the peas, yet leave the potatoes uneaten, you shall not have dessert, no, not even a small portion thereof.
* And if you try to deceive by moving the potatoes or peas around with a fork, that it may appear you have eaten what you have not, you will fall into iniquity. And I will know, and you shall have no dessert.

On Screaming:

* Do not scream; for it is as if you scream all the time.
* If you are given a plate on which two foods you do not wish to touch each other, are touching each other, your voice rises up even to the ceiling, while you point to the offense with the finger of your right hand; but I say to you, scream not, only remonstrate gently with the server, that the server may correct the fault.
* Likewise if you receive a portion of fish from which every piece of herbal seasoning has not been scraped off, and the herbal seasoning is loathsome to you and steeped in vileness, again I say, refrain from screaming.
* Though the vileness overwhelm you, and cause you a faint unto death, make not that sound from within your throat, neither cover your face, nor press your fingers to your nose. For even I have made the fish as it should be; behold, I eat it myself, yet do not die.

Concerning Face and Hands:

* Cast your countenance upward to the light, and lift your eyes to the hills, that I may more easily wash you off. For the stains are upon you; even to the very back of your head, there is rice thereon.
* And in the breast pocket of your garment, and upon the tie of your shoe, rice and other fragments are distributed in a manner wonderful to see. Only hold yourself still; hold still, I say.
* Give each finger in its turn for my examination thereof, and also each thumb.
* Lo, how iniquitous they appear. What I do is as it must be; and you shall not go hence until I have done.

Various Other Laws, Statutes, and Ordinances:

* Bite not, lest you be cast into quiet time.
* Neither drink of your own bath water, nor of the bath water of any kind; nor rub your feet on bread, even if it be in the package; nor rub yourself against cars, not against any building; nor eat sand.
* Leave the cat alone, for what has the cat done, that you should so afflict it with tape?
* And hum not the humming in your nose as I read, nor stand between the light and the book. Indeed, you will drive me to madness. Nor forget what I said about the tape.

[Kiltman]

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, of a sort. Daughters are well able to take care of themselves. I have to admit, my daughter is 25 and a lawyer, but. . .
When she was born I looked about for advice on raising a daughter. Who better to ask than my father-in-law who raised four. His comment to my questions was: he had no idea how to raise a daughter.

So I just treated her as an able human person, pushed here and pushed there when she was going the way I thought made good sense for her.
She's an absolute wonderful, powerful human being who happens to be female and one of the finest people I know.

Whenever the conversation about daughters turns to shotguns etc. I have to smile at our male presumption that we can do a better job of protection our daughters than they can. Never, ever sell the female community short on ability to protect themselves and make very good decisions about what to do when confronted with a male. After all, they have been making the human race work for millennia.

[CapnJ0]

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, of a sort. Daughters are well able to take care of themselves. I have to admit, my daughter is 25 and a lawyer, but. . .
When she was born I looked about for advice on raising a daughter. Who better to ask than my father-in-law who raised four. His comment to my questions was: he had no idea how to raise a daughter.

So I just treated her as an able human person, pushed here and pushed there when she was going the way I thought made good sense for her.
She's an absolute wonderful, powerful human being who happens to be female and one of the finest people I know.

Whenever the conversation about daughters turns to shotguns etc. I have to smile at our male presumption that we can do a better job of protection our daughters than they can. Never, ever sell the female community short on ability to protect themselves and make very good decisions about what to do when confronted with a male. After all, they have been making the human race work for millennia.

This is pretty much how I hope to do things with my daughter. Of course, I have plenty of time - not due till October!

[Southern Breeze]

Sciuropterus,the rules for younger kids is too funny and oh so true. Great post.

[mudd]

Usually in an old bike rally shirt that says "What the F*** are YOU lookin' at?"

Where can I get a shirt like that? I've got to have one.

[mkmound]

Thanks, Guys!! These are all great!!

[beloitpiper]

As a man of dating age, I'll keep these in mind during future dates. Luckily, all the dads I've met were fond of my kilt. But I'm willing to take on any that aren't...