Pet Rules

[Southern Breeze]

PET RULES

To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door - snout height.

Dear Dogs and Cats,

The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The
other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print
in the middle of my plate of food does not stake a claim for it becoming
your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the
slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack.

Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help
because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry
about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure
your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep.
It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to
the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out
and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing
but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by
some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not
necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under
the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I
entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years --canine or feline
attendance is not mandatory.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt.
I cannot stress this enough!

To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our
front door:

To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets

1. They live here. You don't.

2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.
(That's why they call it "fur"niture.)

3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.

4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who
is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.

Remember: Dogs and cats are better than kids because they:

1. Eat less

2. Don't ask for money all the time

3 Are easier to train

4. Usually come when called

5. Never drive your car

6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends

7. Don't smoke or drink

8. Don't worry about having to buy the latest fashions

9. Don't wear your clothes

10. Don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and

11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children.

[mddock58]

I like that!

I'm gonna send it to my better half.

[Vince]

Thank you, that made my day. I e-mailed a copy to my cat. Maybe he will take the hint.

[KiltedCodeWarrior]

LOL, as a pet slave myself, these are all great!

[Panache]

S.B.

I printed out your post and taped it to the wall at pet appropriate height. Sadly our dog Bella doesn't read and our cat* Smudge has chosen to use it as a scratching post. Nice idea though!


-GREAT POST!

Cheers



* Who has been described my sister as "Panache's psycho familiar" no one who knows this feline has ever disagreed with this description.

[switchblade5984]

love the rules!

[starbkjrus]

Good Gawd. My cats almost put a contract out on you for that. They are VERY upset that you would dare to place restrictions on them. I'm having a tough time containing theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.................... .................................................. .....m