Wedding Kilts

[Ugly Bear]

My partner and his best man actually have family tartans. My best man and I do not. Should we pick a single tartan for everyone to wear? Or should those who have family tartans wear their tartans, and the other two wear --- what?

Well, that depends. Who is marrying into whose family? Who will be keeping his name? If you will be taking your husband's name, you should wear his tartan; if he will be taking yours, then you should both agree upon a tartan for the both of you to adopt.

The best man (or men), not marrying into either family, should stick with the tartan representing his (or their respective) clan. These aren't bridesmaids, after all, and uniformity is discouraged.

But perhaps this wedding is not so traditional, despite it being held in a church, and you will both be keeping your names, as is the fashion these days. In that case, you may take the spirit of the best men and wear which tartan best represents you. The groom with clan affiliation already has the tartan picked out, and need not worry further. Those who do not feel strong clan affiliation should NOT wear a clan tartan, but, rather, choose a non-family tartan (for example, Irish National, Flower of Scotland, or a tartan representing a US state, organization or military branch).

If a groom and his best man will wear full-tartan kilts, then so should the others. Assuming that traditional regalia will be worn (as a traditional wedding suggests), then having one side in said regalia and the other side in a modernized interpretation will baffle your assembled guests, who may gossip among themselves, "What, they're getting married when they can't even agree on a consistent look for the wedding party?!"

Now where this REALLY gets complicated is if there will be groomsmen and/or bridesmaids. There, a level of conformity is to be expected (assuming, again, that this is at least a semi-traditional wedding). Careful consideration will have to be made so that they appear as a unified party without ostentation -- that is, supporting the union without overshadowing either groom. As you did not mention either groomsmen or bridesmaids, it is assumed that you will either dispense with them or save the adventure of getting everyone to agree on a look, making it your own endeavour private from this forum.

Whatever the outcome, congratulations, and may the experience be as memorable as the preparation is smooth.

</JUDITH_MARTIN_MODE>

[crboltz]

Wow, so many answers and in such a short time! I think what I've learned on and off list is that variation in tartans: good. Variations in types of kilts (i.e. mixing Utilikilts with great kilts): bad. Since I'll be building all the kilts for the wedding party, that's not a big issue, cuase I'm not developing 6 designs.

I'll promise to post pics after the wedding (but that is 8 months away).

Thanks all (and any more advise or suggestions will continue to be welcome!)

Cheers
Chris

[Blu (Ontario)]

A sincere (and hopefully not indelicate) question from a straight fellow.....

At affairs such as this is "Bride and Groom" still the proper terminology or are other references used?

Can there be bridesmen and groomsmaids as well?

[Beertigger]

Congrats!

[crboltz]

Terms for same sex weddings are up in the air. I know, for lack of a better term, I was a brides maid in a dear friends wedding (in fact the only 2 females in the wedding party were the bride and the maid of honor -- as the bride put it "I don't get along with women") We are going with the statement that there are 2 groomsmen, 2 best men, and 2 ring bearers. We are toying with asking the spouces of the best men and the parents of the ring bearers to be ushers and ask our guests "Friend of the groom or friend of the groom?" But i'm not sure everyone will appreciate my sence of humor. There are a number of people coming who I said they want to come who I thought would be upset with the concept, and a bunch who will be shocked when we are all in kilts. So there will be enough 'angst' without my bad jokes all day.

BUT who knows.

Thanks again for all the advice I've gotten.

[Tiran]

Terms for same sex weddings are up in the air. I know, for lack of a better term, I was a brides maid in a dear friends wedding (in fact the only 2 females in the wedding party were the bride and the maid of honor -- as the bride put it "I don't get along with women") We are going with the statement that there are 2 groomsmen, 2 best men, and 2 ring bearers. We are toying with asking the spouces of the best men and the parents of the ring bearers to be ushers and ask our guests "Friend of the groom or friend of the groom?" But i'm not sure everyone will appreciate my sence of humor. There are a number of people coming who I said they want to come who I thought would be upset with the concept, and a bunch who will be shocked when we are all in kilts. So there will be enough 'angst' without my bad jokes all day.

I say go for it. Its a harmless joke, and it is YOUR day (well yours and his lol) not theirs. You don't have to be "Bridezilla" but it is about the two of you.
I have been part of two weddings now where I was not standing on the bride's side because of family memebers not being comfortable with my being a "bridesmaid". And both of them have told me later they regret not doing it the way they wanted in the first place.
So do as you will, if it harm none
After all for the one day at least it really is "All about YOU".

[porrick]

Terms for same sex weddings are up in the air. I know, for lack of a better term, I was a brides maid in a dear friends wedding (in fact the only 2 females in the wedding party were the bride and the maid of honor -- as the bride put it "I don't get along with women") We are going with the statement that there are 2 groomsmen, 2 best men, and 2 ring bearers. We are toying with asking the spouces of the best men and the parents of the ring bearers to be ushers and ask our guests "Friend of the groom or friend of the groom?" But i'm not sure everyone will appreciate my sence of humor. There are a number of people coming who I said they want to come who I thought would be upset with the concept, and a bunch who will be shocked when we are all in kilts. So there will be enough 'angst' without my bad jokes all day.

BUT who knows.

Thanks again for all the advice I've gotten.

Yes, the terminology poses an interesting challenge. I guess we are fortunate in Norway, where each of the partners traditionally has a "forlover" (sorry, has nothing to do with a stand-in lover) which is a non-gender specific word meaning bridesmaid/best man.

I surprised quite a few at my wedding by having a female "forlover" ! It is certainly not usual, but the term is gender-free, and she is probably the friend who knows me best (naturally, it goes without saying she was not an ex...)

A lot of good advice given, but most importantly: it's your day, and if you want to get married kilted, then the two of you decide what you want, and don't worry about what old auntie Clare has to say

[cessna152towser]

Just because you and your best man don't have a family tartan there's no reason not to wear a tartan kilt - plenty of smart modern tartans with no family or locality connections nowadays - Pride of Scotland or Spirit of Scotland spring immediately to mind. Best of luck!

[crboltz]

Some good news, we discovered that my best man's family does have a tartan, the bad news is my best man says he wouldn't be caught dead in it. (I haven't seen the tartan, but seeing my best mans wardrobe, I shutter to think what is so ugly he wouldn't be seen in it -- JUST KIDDING) We are now leaning to putting the grooms in my finencee's tartan, and the best men in my partner's best man's tartan --- and the ring boys? I don't know yet, one does not have a family tartan (to quote his mother, "I don't think there are scottish jews, chris", his dad actually did some research and came back with "no family tartan that I can find"), and the other is my partners best man's son -- so maybe we will dress the little one's to match the best men.

On the up side I just sewed my first kilt that wasn't a solid color, on the down side, I don't want to do it again -- boy do kilt paterns get more complicated when you have to take the set into account. I got off about an inch and didn't notice until I sewed in the waist, luckily I was smart enough to place the most obvious evidence of messing up on the under apron, but the right hip isn't as nice as I'd like. I also learned -- Flannel, warm, comphy, not fun to sew (but it was on sale so it make a good thing to experiment with!)

Cheers all,
And Thanks again
Chris

[Panache]

... the bad news is my best man says he wouldn't be caught dead in it. (I haven't seen the tartan, but seeing my best mans wardrobe, I shutter to think what is so ugly he wouldn't be seen in it...

Tell your best man a hearty hello from someone who married into his clan, which I assume must be Mcleod of Lewis ...

Cheers