Well... Kilts are better than wives. They support you, don't mind if you have more than one, never complain about "man stuff', accessorise well, hold you just right all the while giving you plenty of room to breathe.

Just a bit of wisdom I have observed.

Edit. I just realised that there are women that know me on this very forum that will read this, and likely kill me. Or tell my wife.

I hope my funeral is nice. Please bring a piper and make sure my marker reads "The doggamn bats finally got him."