Panache and the Great Hunt for the Acryli-Beast

[Panache]

Panache and the Great Hunt for the Acryli-Beast

A Victorian Tale of Horror told in Chapters

Chapter 22


“Put it on speaker”. The violinist did as instructed and a crackling noise sounded about the bridge of the Saltire. The violinist patiently adjusted various knobs trying to find the elusive signal amongst the static. As he did, Mr. Splash, Mr. BEEDEE, and Mr. Mender descended the ladder to join us. Finally, words became discernable in amongst the static. Our communication with the Maple Leaf was broken by bursts of static. The discourse of our talk went like this.

Grant: “ ……..fierce storm…….penguins….You great bloody tartan twit……”

Myself: “Grant what is your position?”

Grant: “We have graciously decided………….……. allow you join our expedition…. ……..We will of course be in charge as befits our Royal status…………….…will allow you some position suitable to your skills and disposition…………………. Perhaps we will deign to allow you to be our cabin boy……you shall proceed to the Maple Leaf whence………… and loyal crew shall board your airship and we will assume command of the Saltire…….“

Myself: “Grant what is your position? If you are in trouble we will render assistance. But frankly I’m going to put you all in the brig until we get back to civilization!”

Aside I whispered to David “We have a brig don’t we?” David smiled evilly and nodded his head in the affirmative. "With chains!" he said with glee.

Grant: “………will not tolerate such impudence! Who is the Queen here? ……………. … …our Royal command we order you to get over here immediately! You will turn over command of your Zeppelin to us! ……..then proceed to the Mountain and kill the Acryli-Beast and take its pelt for a sporran……………. It is our grand destiny……..We’ve no intention of letting a prat like you ….deny …………GORGEOUS, FLOWING, GOLDEN LOCKS AND FIRM ROUND BUTTOCKS I …”

Improv (cutting off Grant): “GRANT I TOLD YOU IF YOU MENTIONED YOUR **** AND THE HAIR ON YOUR POINTY LITTLE HEAD AGAIN I WAS GOING TO TAKE THAT RUBBER CHICKEN AND SHOVE IT UP…….”

Grant: “……We are NOT amused! ……….. UNHAND US!…………… BY MY GORGEOUS, FLOWING…. ( a burst of static cuts off Grant there is a a strange rubbery sound and a muffled scream.)

Big Mikey: “Err…sorry ‘bout that. This here is Big Mikey and we are having a wee bit o’ trouble blimp-wise……….…..Grant promised us the repairs to the Maple Leaf were good enough for the trip to the pole and back, but it would appear the duck tape he used on the gas bag wasn’t quite up to the job. Most of it seems to have fallen off in the cold …and well… anyway we have had a another crash………..we are somewhere a few hours south from the mountain……… The Maple Leaf is wrecked for good this time, but on the whole we are alright. Improv, ScoutNiagra, Ricky, and the Reverend and I are all fine. Our Pilot MacHummel got a bit squished and the Captain hit his head and has gone all delusional…well, that is to say, more delusional. He swears he saw a flock of man eating penguins out the gondola window and now he has declared himself the Queen of the Arctic Circle…

Grant: Do not mock us!

ScoutNiagra: “Would you just shut up Grant!”

Myself: “Where are you? Can you give us the coordinates of your current position?”

Uncle Ricky: ….Big Mikey would you restrain her Majesty? …..Our position…… that’s a bit tricky……………. instruments got smashed in the wreck and our pilot, MacHummel, is still out….Something heavy fell on Pete during the crash..… well…actually Big Mikey fell on him………….. I’m sure he will be alright whenever he wakes up…………..that might be a while……….cold and we aren’t going to last long without aid………….hope you………………………………...........can’t be held responsible……….not our fault…………..Grant’s a wanker…………………….................................... .................................................. ........ need help…………………please assist………………………….

The words were lost in a cacophony of static. After several moments of trying the violinist looked up from his instruments. “Sorry Captain, I’ve lost them!” he said.


I regarded the crew there on the bridge, all eyes were on me as they waited for my response. My head dropped a little as I said “They must have gotten caught in the storm we have been trying to outrun. I’ve said it before, a sporran is not worth a human life. We will turn around and begin search and rescue operations“.

David immediately argued “we can’t turn back and search for that idiot and his pirate crew! If you are going to get to that mountain, climb it, and be at the summit by nightfall you can’t afford to waste a moment!”

“The Chief said this was the night to find the creature“ said McMurdo.

“Und dieser Sturm kommt herauf schnelles!” added Todd for whatever that was worth.

“Captain if I may offer an alternative?” interrupted Mr. BEEDEE to these deliberations.

“Yes?”

“Sir, the Sparrowhawks can cover a lot more territory faster than the Saltire. Mr. Splash, Mr. Mender and I can take out the biplanes and search south for the Maple Leaf. We will find them, pinpoint their position, and take along supplies that we can drop to get Grant and his team through the night.” he said.

“Meanwhile you can take your plane to the mountain ahead of the Saltire. It will gain you a little time” suggested Mr. Splash.

“We will do our best to find them and get back to the ship. We can pick them up after your hunt” added Mr. Mender.

“What about pilots?” I asked.

“We’ve all taken Alex’s Flying Airplanes Made Easy! correspondence course. We will pilot them ourselves” said Mr. Splash.

“Our duty on this expedition is to protect this ship, her Captain, and her crew. It is only fitting that we do this ourselves and not put the crew or the ship at risk. We ask you Captain to have a little faith in us and let us do our jobs” said Mr. BEEDEE taking my own words and handing them back to me.

I couldn’t argue and reluctantly agreed. I gave Todd his zeppelin Captain’s hat back. “The bridge is yours. I will proceed to the mountain. Follow us and keep an ear out for our security detail. I will send the plane back and signal you when and where to recover me.” “Gutes Glück mein Kapitän” replied Todd. I shook hands with him and David then exchanged salutes with my brave security team and McMurdo. I wished all success and with this I and my security ensigns marched to the hangar with Jake following after us.

We boarded our aircraft. Jake thoughtfully drew his finger across his throat with one hand as he waved goodbye to me with the other. “Each to their Fate!“ I called out in a fit of bravado. With this our planes were lowered into the bitter white artic sky. Mr. BEEDEE, Mr. Splash, and Mr. Mender immediately turned their craft about and headed south. Though not instructed to, my pilot took our biplane in a slow circle around the magnificent blue zeppelin. At every window the crew was gathered waving and cheering. I saluted them all and then yelled defiantly above the howling wind “Onward! The Mountain awaits!”

With this we sped towards the fog shrouded peak.

To Be Continued