Missions of the Retrieval Team - Kiltmen Down

[Panache]

... Since each man is an adult, with his full mental faculties...

Are you absolutely sure about that?

“Mr. Dove, ladies, we believe that these gentlemen have been abducted by the Kilt Police.”

MY GOD MAN! The general public isn't ready to know the truth!

Cheers

Jamie

[davedove]

Since each man is an adult, with his full mental faculties...

Are you absolutely sure about that?

Well, I thought I would give them the benefit of the doubt.

MY GOD MAN! The general public isn't ready to know the truth!

Dear readers,

Please understand that this is a work of fiction. The Kilt Police do not exist, nor have they ever existed. Please go back to your forum reading.

(There Jaime, do you think that will keep them in the dark?)

[davedove]

Scene 7


Media Room, Great Hall of X Marks the Scot

I was tempted to laugh, but I could tell that Mike was completely serious. “But Mike, there are no kilt Police.”

That did bring a small smile to his face. “Well, I will agree that there is no organized group calling themselves that. That’s just a name we’ve given to the abductors. We all know there is no one running around with badges giving citations to those who wear kilts incorrectly.”

“However,” he continued, “There are forces at work that the League has kept from the general members of the forum. Forces that are working to make all men conform to their own twisted ideas of what is proper for men to wear.”

Ms. Starling had to speak up at this. “Sir, are you trying to tell us that there is some sort of conspiracy to force kilt wearing men into certain modes of dress?”

“That’s exactly what I am telling you. And in fact it goes deeper than that. This conspiracy is trying to get men into one single set of rules on how to dress, completely eliminating freedom of choice. However, it seems that, for now, this group is focusing on kilt wearers, as they are a small segment of the general population.”

“But why would they kidnap these men?” I asked.

“Because these men are on the forefront of kilt freedom. These men are kilted nearly all the time, and wear their kilts in a variety of settings. In other words, they are the poster children of kilt freedom. Everything they do is against the beliefs of this conspiracy.”

“Okay, Mike, I can buy all that. I suppose you called us because you want us to find these men.”

“Yes, find them and rescue them.”

“But why come to us at all? This seems like it would be a League matter. Surely you have the resources to operate on your own.”

“Ordinarily you would be correct and we have been dealing with this conspiracy for some time. However, these kidnappings couldn’t have happened at a worse time. The League finds itself short of personnel at this time.”

“How so?”

Mike looked at though he were reluctant to answer, as though he was weighing his response carefully. Finally, he answered, “Only Colin, Nelson, and myself are here to work this issue. Hank has become ill and is bedridden. The other Moderators are … unavailable.”

I could tell that Mike was holding something back, but I had to know. “What do you mean by unavailable?”

Mike hesitated again, clearly not wanting to answer.

Dee spoke from the back of the room. “You better tell him Mike.”

At that, Mike burst out angrily. “Okay, okay, they are unavailable because Panache has decided to go to the North Pole hunting some mythical creature. Worse yet, he managed to convince Todd and David to accompany him.”**

“A mythical creature?” I asked.

“Yes, something called a … what was it again Dee?”

“A Greater Acryli-beast.” Dee responded from the back.

“Right, and they equipped themselves using X Marks funds. When they return they have a lot to answer for.”

“Oh,” I responded. “So you needed to get help from outside the League and you contacted me.”

“Exactly, you’re a member of the forum and your team is known for finding things that have been taken. This time we would like you to find our missing people. Will you do it for us?”

My team all looked at each other and each nodded in turn. I turned back to Mike. “Yes, we’ll do it.”

“Good, thank you. I expect you’ll want to be paid your normal fee?”

“No sir. We don’t expect to be paid for something like this. This is for the missing men. All we ask is that you cover our expenses.”

“Again, thank you. You don’t know how hard it is for us to have to ask for your help. Anything the League can provide to assist you is yours. It’s getting fairly late now, so I expect you’ll want to start in the morning. You will be provided rooms in the guest wing and dinner has been prepared. Dee, please show them their rooms.”

** For the complete narrative of this tale, read 'Panache and the Great Hunt for the Acryli-Beast'

[Livingston]

This is getting good.

I'll have to keep an eye out for the Kilt Police. Of course, since I am not a full time kiltie I shouldn't have a problem.

[ccga3359]

Alexander, do you happen to have Veronica's number? I distinctly felt her slightly trembling hand slide down wool clad milky white thigh. I think she was about to kilt check me before you abruptly beckoned her away. Please?

[Canuck]

Alexander, do you happen to have Veronica's number? I distinctly felt her slightly trembling hand slide down wool clad milky white thigh. I think she was about to kilt check me before you abruptly beckoned her away. Please?

Watch it ...rumor has it, you will be kidnapped to some far exotic place...inhabited by monkeys...they have been trained to search for bananas in the most unlikely places....your kilt checking dreams will be Granted...hahaha...not sure how long it will take to get a rescue party in order...we figure it will be at least a week....Oh did I mention the flying squirrels ...they have a passion for nuts......

[ccga3359]

Watch it ...rumor has it, you will be kidnapped to some far exotic place...inhabited by monkeys...they have been trained to search for bananas in the most unlikely places....your kilt checking dreams will be Granted...hahaha...not sure how long it will take to get a rescue party in order...we figure it will be at least a week....Oh did I mention the flying squirrels ...they have a passion for nuts......

... ...

[Panache]

Why is everyone always so mean to Grant?

Oh that's right, he deserves it!

Cheers

Jamie