It is the Utilikilt and if your nae Batman ya can nae wear t'Utilikilt.

I suggest that you drop some change on Stillwater for a nice wool kilt and invite your "friend" to dinner at a nice place. Then tell her that her critism is endangering your friendship and that she needs to zip it as every word she says gets back to you.

If she seems unrepentant then duck out the side door leaving her with the check.