Family Kilt Theft

**auld argonian** · 17th December 07, 07:17 AM

Hope it all works out for the best.

Best

AA

**Mike1** · 17th December 07, 07:19 AM

Let me share a little story with you.

My own mother passed away 25 years ago, this past August. I would give up every kilt I own, to be able to spend just 10 minutes with her. Heck, I would give up every kilt I own and my own time with her, if the grandson she never met could spend 10 minutes with her.

I'm going to ask, one more time, for people to use a modicum of common sense when adding to this thread. Let's try to keep all the elements of this issue in perspective.

Going once...

**cacunn** · 17th December 07, 07:24 AM

Originally Posted by jordanjm

My wife and I had a business meeting to attend. My mom does not get to see my kids to often, so I let her babysit. While we are gone my mom and my wife's mom get together, and plot to take control of our lives, because they were worried about us. My mom (maybe with my wife's mom's help) stole my kilt and took it to her house. I can not have it back until I present a professional image to the UT business community, get a job (not get a business going), and clear up clutter in my room.

jordanjm - background for understanding - about 6 months ago my mother had a fight with my wife and I. I still do not know what was the basis for her feelings. Since that time I have not been able to find out because when she left my house to move in with my sister, my sister contacted a lawyer and all contact must be between the lawyers. So I understand a little about the irrationality of parents.

If I remember correctly you recently lost a job to downsizing. Since that time you have been trying to start your own business. Looking at your Member Since of August 2006 it would appear that you started kilting not long before you were caught in the down sizing.

Looking at all of this from your mother(s) side are they concerned about the financial heath of their Daugther/Daughter-in-law and the grand childern. Do they connect the timing of the kilt thing with your loss of job. Do they have cause, did you start wearing it at work when you knew it was unwelcome? I do not agree in any way with the actions taken. Stealing a kilt for any reason should be a hanging offense.

Talk with your wife, is she in agreement with you starting your own business? Does she understand what it takes to start a new busines and how long it might take? Is she willing to support you in this effort? Does you wife understand and support your kilting?

If the answer is yes to these question ask your wife to talk to the Mothers. Have her tell them that she was hurt by their actions and hurt becuase how much you were upset. That she is fully supportive of you starting a business and that she understands what it will take. Support of both families would also make the effort to start a business
easier.

If your wife is willing to be a mediator it might make things go easier.

**TheKiltedWonder** · 17th December 07, 07:34 AM

Originally Posted by Mike1

Let me share a little story with you.

My own mother passed away 25 years ago, this past August. I would give up every kilt I own, to be able to spend just 10 minutes with her. Heck, I would give up every kilt I own and my own time with her, if the grandson she never met could spend 10 minutes with her.

I'm going to ask, one more time, for people to use a modicum of common sense when adding to this thread. Let's try to keep all the elements of this issue in perspective.

Going once...

Mike, I can truly, truly understand the sentiment. Family is family, even (especially) when they drive you crazy. Of course I would trade my kilt/guitar/car to bring back some of my missing (and missed) family members and friends.

However, I do think something has to be done. Nothing to alienate the mother, but something to let her know that such passive-aggressive behavior is not appropriate. Because it isn't. And it doesn't create a healthy relationship. A mother can voice her displeasure and she could raise religious objections, but to launch a kilt-theft (and it technically is grand larceny I'm guessing by the fact that two expensive garments were taken, not that I'm suggesting one report ones own mother to the police) in order to be able to control what your son, who is married with kids and his own life, does is ridiculous.

In addition to her being out of line, the other reason a solution needs to be reached is that if she feels she "won" then she might be emboldened to to try and unduly influence other aspects of her son's life. And I don't believe that would help maintain the normal Mother-Son relationship that I'm sure they both want.

**mbhandy** · 17th December 07, 07:43 AM

I feel you need to talk to your wife. I have a feeling that this is a situation that has been well thought out and not just a simple swoop down and take the kilts ploy. You said she arrived unannounced from Ca. and your mother in law was also there. Help was enlisted???
Talk to your wife. Find out the hole story. If she is on your side then get the Bishop involved and write the letter expressing your concern for her actions.
Oh yea send the kilt back Priory Post, need it for Christmas?

From a Guy that has his own Business,
MrBill

**pipesndrumsnun** · 17th December 07, 07:49 AM

Originally Posted by RockyR

Isn't pipesndrumsnun a nun? Isn't SHE a "religious counselor"? Perhaps she could make a small phone call or letter or at least email.

Sure thing. I'd be happy to if you'd so desire...all with "gentleness, peace, and joy" (the hallmarks of a Sister of St. Joseph)!

It is certainly an annoying thing that they did, and, alas, sounds exactly like something my own mother would do!

**Mr. MacDougall** · 17th December 07, 09:21 AM

In my experience, most Mormon Bishops are reasonable people. If your mother is still in town, perhaps you, your bishop, and your mother need to sit down and have a discussion about why she believes taking your kilts is an appropriate course of action, and why you believe it isn't. Sometimes, having a moderator present is a good idea.

**Bugbear** · 17th December 07, 09:22 AM

Never mind, it's already been brought up. Sorry.

**canawler** · 17th December 07, 10:10 AM

I know this is a serious issue but I just can't resist. This sounds like a job for Mr. Dove and the Retrieval Team!!

**Riverkilt** · 17th December 07, 10:27 AM

Different strokes for different folks....my late mother found joy in my wearing kilts in her clan tartan.

Pretty difficult to set up any sort of boundary with your mother...near impossible.

On her side "stealing" your kilts (taking your toys away until you behave) is about as effective as trying to sober up an alcoholic by pouring their booze down the sink.

She didn't cause your kilt purchases, she can't control your kilt purchases, and she can't cure you of purchasing kilts.

So...you're both kinda at a stalemate. No fun. And, as Mike1 has pointed out the wrong moves can only exacerbate an already delicate situation.

Seems maybe she's operating from a shame base...i.e. your wearing kilts brings shame on our family. Education seems the proper antidote for kilt shame. Course, she'd have to be open minded enough to listen.

If this is an LDS thing, maybe tell her about kilts and pipe bands becoming popular in Nauvoo (? spelling)...or there's just GOTTA be a few Scotsmen in your family tree.

Sometimes, when treated unfairly, the best thing to do is not respond...just sit in it...let it go (not easy, takes courage) and eventually maybe just leaving it hanging will get her to return the kilts....or not.

What a difficult situation she created...a real chess player that lady.

Ron