Quote Originally Posted by davedove View Post
All right, that's it. I can't take any more.

I have decided that since this is my reality, you are all figments of my imagination and you no longer exist.
Lest you forget . . .

"A figment of one's imagination is a mythical creature about 1/3 the size of the yearly pumpkin average. It is yellow in skin, but covered with purple fur. Figments have several rows of semi-blunt teeth, three myopic eyes and smell like almost dry dogs. If one is not entirely sure if the creature in their presence is indeed a figment a simple test may be applied: kick the creature with the off-foot (that is opposite of the the hand that one normally uses when handling farm implements). If the creature rolls in the opposite direction of the force of the kick one must assume two things. First, the object or creature is not, indeed, a soccer ball. Second, there is a high probability that it is a figment. If the kicking leg returns with a partially gnawed foot (huge bite marks with only minimal damage) then the figment of one's imagination has been confirmed. The only solution (i.e. cure) to the bite of the figment is to either reduce or increase the usual dose of chemicals leading to altered states of consciousness by a factor of two, turn ones trousers inside out, and commence a daily regimen of thrice-daily traditional jig sessions lasting exactly 27.9 minutes."