Big Mikey.......AGAIN?!?

**Big Mikey** · 19th March 08, 11:05 AM

OK, now this is only one mans opinion (or rules).

1) Is the lady mildly curious or does she really HAVE to know?

2) If mildly curious, she will discreetly run her hand along the fell line in order to feel for any line that would be created by an elastic. This may involve more than one pass of the hand.

3) To perform a true check, first you both must ensure that no numpties can see, find a quiet corner. Next, the checker must warm the hand to be used. The checker is then told to NOT lift the kilt but to discreetly place the hand under the kilt, ONLY AT THE REAR OR SIDE, and proceed to a height that will answer the question.

4) When the check is complete, try not to look too smug as the lady blushes and walks away feeling like a school girl.

The basis for the rules/procedure have been gleaned from articles and comments I have read on our forum over the past year. I must say that there is no pleasure in going through this, but a man must do what a man must do.

I must also add that before performing a kilt check, the checker must ask permission or it's NO GO!

**McFarkus** · 19th March 08, 11:08 AM

Brilliant!!!! This should be pinned somewhere under Kilt Advice!

**Colin** · 19th March 08, 11:14 AM

I am sure Mikey has the t-shirt with criteria and fee rate designed and ready to go

**davedove** · 19th March 08, 11:29 AM

From the Maryland Chapter of the International Wenches Guild:

All You Ever Wanted to Know About Kilt-Checks.*
*(But Were Afraid to Ask.)

Ah, the kilt-check. Famed in song and story, it's a renfaire traditon of sorts, much to the amusement of some, and trepidation of others. *G* Let me be absolutely clear on one thing though, you are *not* obligated, as a Wench to perform them. If someone tries to pressure you in to giving one when you aren't comfortable with it, tell the idiot to "go soak their head in the privy." End of story. However, if you'd like to be able to give a *proper* kilt check but are unsure of how to go about it in a way that won't get you slugged or tossed out of the faire, keep reading.

During A Wench Walk
During a Wench Walk, kilt-checks (if called for) are performed only by the Walk Leader, unless the kilt-wearing gentleman has an S.O. amongst the wenches walking. The Check shall be performed according to the procedures listed below.

Outside of the Walk
Outside of a Wench Walk, I personally suggest only perfoming checks in areas of the faire that are less frequented by children, I.E. the pubs. I myself generally prefer a less trafficked corner of the pub or somewhere there is no clear line-of-sight to other areas of the faire. I have also asked the kilted gentleman's friends to form a discreet "wall" with their bodies in order to keep possible spectators down to a minimum. It's all about respecting other guests of the faire who may have no wish to *see* a kilt check or have their children witness such a thing.. Be aware of your surroundings. Be aware of who's watching.

The Handy How-to Guide
Now, let's go over the proper procedures:

1) ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS get the check-ee's permission!
(and if the gent is with a lady, get her permission too!)
And remember "no" means NO! If he's not interested, let it go.

2) Check the immediate area to make sure NO
impressionable children are watching or close by.

3) Stand behind the gentleman and place your
hand on the OUTER side of his knee.

4) Slide your hand up the OUTER thigh,
feeling for underwear material (example: boxers)
Use your free hand to make sure his kilt doesn't
"ride up" while you do this.

4a) For a even more decorous check, run the edge of your
thumbnail up the outer thigh, OUTSIDE of the kilt,
feeling for the "speed bump" that indicates undies.

5) Don't be all day about it! A 5 to 10 count "up",
5-10 count "at the top", 5-10 count "down" should be
more than sufficent! It's not as if we're hoping to find
the ark of the covenant up there, 30 seconds and
the job *should* be done, even with "lingering".

6) If the man is indeed regimental (meaning you felt no
undergarment material) then declare him to be so and present
the blue ribbon.The ribbon should be tied to his outer garments
or around his arm, not...er...THERE.

("Ribbon tying" as written in the song the "Scotsmans Kilt"
is something best done privately, "backstage" only, so as not to
frighten the fairegoing public.)

Big, Honking "NO-NOs"

DO NOT:
Lift or "flip up" the gentleman's kilt.
Lay down in the road to look up his kilt.
Use your hands to go under his kilt and grab the family jewels.
"We are checking to see if he's regimental, NOT checking to see if he's MALE!"
DONT EVER give a kilt-check without the gentleman's *express* permission.

In Closing
Kilt-checking is an amusing traditon that can be flirtatious fun, if you find it so. It also needs to be carried out with a care for the check-ee and any witnesses. Our ability to play our "Reindeer Games" at MDRF is a *privilidge* extended to us by the management, not a right. If a fellow patron complains to the management about us, that privilidge can be withdrawn. Ladies, remember that your actions represent our entire guild (whether you like it or not). Please keep in mind that men usually don't like to be manhandled any more than you do. (if you don't believe me, go into the a.f.r. archives to research some of their feelings on this matter). Respect the checkee, the other patrons and most of all, yourself. *G*

Happy wenching!
-Keltik
IWG 1040
Madame, Local 42

Important Footnote!!
The procedures and suggestions listed above are valid for MDRF only!
Be *Extremely* circumspect about kiltchecking at other faires,
There are many faires where *any* form of public kiltchecking is inappropriate!!!!
Find the local madame for the faire you are visiting to find out what's appropriate at that faire.
If you can't find such a person....then *don't* kilt check!

Keeping to the rules above, the Kilt Check can be a fun and flirtatious activity. Breaking them, especially the part about consent, is terribly disrespectful, and possibly illegal!

**Big Mikey** · 19th March 08, 04:06 PM

Ain't no way I'm going to get that to fit on a shirt!!!

**ccga3359** · 19th March 08, 04:14 PM

Originally Posted by Big Mikey

OK, now this is only one mans opinion (or rules).

1) Is the lady mildly curious or does she really HAVE to know?

2) If mildly curious, she will discreetly run her hand along the fell line in order to feel for any line that would be created by an elastic. This may involve more than one pass of the hand.

3) To perform a true check, first you both must ensure that no numpties can see, find a quiet corner. Next, the checker must warm the hand to be used. The checker is then told to NOT lift the kilt but to discreetly place the hand under the kilt, ONLY AT THE REAR OR SIDE, and proceed to a height that will answer the question.

4) When the check is complete, try not to look too smug as the lady blushes and walks away feeling like a school girl.

The basis for the rules/procedure have been gleaned from articles and comments I have read on our forum over the past year. I must say that there is no pleasure in going through this, but a man must do what a man must do.

I must also add that before performing a kilt check, the checker must ask permission or it's NO GO!

Admittedly I'm tripped up at No. 1, but for future reference I see a problem with No.2.
As there is no elastic in my kilt I'm assuming that you are referring to the elastic in underwear. I tend to wear the elasticated band of my undergarment at or around my nipple line. My question is in which direction is she feeling?