funeral piper's story

[JS Sanders]

Yesterday’s funeral gig has provided another chuckle.

I played in the mortuary’s chapel with all the accompanying effects from those present. After the service, the flowers are loaded into the appropriate vehicle, family & mourners are herded to the limousines, and the vehicles are assembled for the drive to the cemetery for the graveside portion.

I was catching a ride in the hearse, so I had to wait for the funeral directors to make last minute preparations. Ordinarily I do what I can to assist, but mainly try to remain available and out of their way.

Behind the closed curtains, the staff was taking steps to seal the coffin – this model was metal. In case you were unaware, they use an Allen wrench key. The lid is closed and the attendants insert & tighten the two Allen bolts to make a very strong seal. Coffin nails belong to the distant past.

I was carrying a bouquet of flowers to the van and a mourner found his way behind the curtains. He asked me if he could place ‘something’ into the deceased’s coffin. That’s beyond what I was hired to do and I referred him to the senior funeral director.

I couldn’t help but hear the request. The mourner, I know not if he was family/friend/other wanted to place a manually operated can opener into the (metal) coffin. He wasn’t keen on identifying his relationship to the deceased, so the funeral director firmly told him it was outta the question.

He must’ve not been ‘dead-set’ on getting the kitchen device interred, since he gave almost no argument.

Slainte yall,
steve

[Jack Daw]

The Celtic big wig at Halstatt got to have a lot of stuff buried with him on his death journey. What's a can opener? Seriously, the request was too weird to allow.

[turpin]

Very Strange, that.

[sorcererdale]

Not if the person wasn't "dead" and needed to open his way out!

DALE.

[Howard Clark]

Or was it an old guy inna box that used a "church key" (often equipped for both cans and bottles) to open his beer ? And the request made by an old friend ? Who knows ? ;)

[beloitpiper]

Maybe it was a bet?

[beowulf67]

I don't know. A can opener and a small shovel. Just in case.

Can't be to careful.

[Dirk Skene]

That is just too weird. I think the googiest think I ever witnessed like that was a frozen parrokeet It had actually died about a month earlier.

[beowulf67]

That is just too weird. I think the googiest think I ever witnessed like that was a frozen parrokeet It had actually died about a month earlier.

'E's not pinin'! 'E's passed on! This parrot is no more! He has ceased to be! 'E's expired and gone to meet 'is maker!

'E's a stiff! Bereft of life, 'e rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed 'im to the perch 'e'd be pushing up the daisies!
'Is metabolic processes are now 'istory! 'E's off the twig!
'E's kicked the bucket, 'e's shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisibile!!

THIS IS AN EX-PARROT!!

[JS Sanders]

<< ...to open his beer... >>

At two or three graveside services while waiting for the cleric to finish, I've heard the distinctive sswwiiisshh of a beer can being popped.

There had been agreements between friends, whoever cashed in his chips first, the other would drink a beer to his memory at his funeral. Sorta sentimental in its own way I suppose - as long as it wasn't Bud Lite.

Many are the times I've seen mourners break out a bottle of spirits post-graveside service, or even back at the mortuary and toast the deceased.

Slainte yall,
steve