The Only Kiltie at a Wedding

[M. A. C. Newsome]

I attended my brother-in-law's wedding as the only kilted guest. And I did struggle with the same question as you did. Despite the fact that we all say "the kilt is clothing, not a costume" and we all agree that you should be able to wear the kilt anywhere you like, the fact remains that a man in a kilt draws a certain amount of attention -- especially if it is in a non-Scottish event context -- and I did not want to be perceived as wanting to draw attention to myself on my brother- and sister-in-law's special day.

This has nothing at all to do with how comfortable I am in the kilt, or whether I personally think the kilt is fine to wear at such an occasion (I do). Rather, I was thinking of the couple getting married and wanting to defer to their opinion in this case. It's good to think of others, especially on an occasion such as this.

What did I do? I brought pants and a kilt. I decided to let my brother-in-law decide. My wife and doughter were both in the wedding party. My responsibilities were a) to get my brother-in-law to the church on time, and b) take care of my (at the time) infant son during the service. So in the hotel, while we both got ready that morning, I mentioned to my BIL that I had brought my kilt and I could wear it if he wanted.

He was thrilled. He was stoked. He was extatic. He said he would consider it a great honor for me to wear my kilt to his wedding. So I did.

It turned out great. I was the only one kilted there, of course, and spent most of the actual wedding in the back of the chuch holding my son, or pushing him about in his stroller. No one said anything about my kilt -- all eyes were up front on the couple.

At the reception I got a few of the usual questions, lots of compliments, and a few offers to dance. But it was really no big deal.

And once I figured out that my brother- and sister-in-law were happy to have me wear the kilt to their special occasions, I took that as a green light to go kilted to my neice and goddaughter's baptism (as did my son, no longer an infant by that time).

But -- and I stress this -- if my brother-in-law had told me he'd rather have me wear pants at his wedding, whatever the reason, I'd have done so happily. My purpose that day was to support them on their special day, and if it made them happy for me to wear pants, what did that matter to me? I'm not that hung up on what I wear, and it would have made me happy to be making them happy.

[KiltedBrewer]

Well said, Matt. A couple's wedding day, while a very happy day, can be extremely stressful for them. Anything that I can do as a guest to make their day smoother, I'll be happy to do. If wearing the kilt makes them feel that I'm a distraction, I'll wear pants with no hurt feelings. It's just clothing for pete's sake!

[siva011]

Why? Would you call and ask if your wife could wear a pantsuit? Would you call her if you had to wear runners with your suit because your arthritis was acting up? Do you need to call her to see if you could wear your boxers? Would you call and ask if you could wear the purple tie with the pink polka dots?

In so many ways I agree with your post, but as much as we all try to make the kilt part of our every day life, we need to realize that to many it's a niche fashon, a costume to others, and there are people who don't understand or accept it. A couple's wedding is not the place to start that education.

My fiancee and I are currently in the process of planning a wedding (21 days and counting!). Of course our families are familiar enough with my kilt and I will be wearing for the service, and she would flip if I didn't wear it. But judging by other confrontations we are having over the simple little things, if a family wasn't comfortable with a guest in a kilt, they may not say anything to him... but the comments, snips, and pestering of the couple (esp. by the parents) can really derail their day. I like to keep in mind that a kilt may be normal in my day to day life, but for many others it isn't. People say they mostly get posative comments... that's nice, but for me I get about 90% negative. It is NOT accepted in most places I find myself. And how many kilties on here do we see who have parents or relatives who refuse to accept them kilted? I know what they can face from the parents, so I make sure I run it past them first.

We need to accept that to many people a man in a kilt is still not as socially acceptable as a woman in a pants suit, regardless of how wrong that may be. We really can't compare those as the same thing just yet, and while I am all for fighting the fight, the most important day in a couple's lives is not the time or place.

I attended my brother-in-law's wedding as the only kilted guest. And I did struggle with the same question as you did. Despite the fact that we all say "the kilt is clothing, not a costume" and we all agree that you should be able to wear the kilt anywhere you like, the fact remains that a man in a kilt draws a certain amount of attention -- especially if it is in a non-Scottish event context -- and I did not want to be perceived as wanting to draw attention to myself on my brother- and sister-in-law's special day.

This has nothing at all to do with how comfortable I am in the kilt, or whether I personally think the kilt is fine to wear at such an occasion (I do). Rather, I was thinking of the couple getting married and wanting to defer to their opinion in this case. It's good to think of others, especially on an occasion such as this.

Well said, sir.

[Riverkilt]

I've only been invited to one wedding since slipping into the abyss of gutter kilt addiction. A coworker was the bride at a Traditional Navajo wedding deep on the reservation.

I wore the Leatherneck tartan tank in honor of the groom's service. It was well appreciated but no big thing either.



I'm with Rex, with one caveat. A very attention getting tartan like loud MacLeod might be distracting, unless it was one's clan tartan or a tartan of the bride or groom's family.

I wear kilts to funerals - sadly far more of them than weddings these days.

Last one was for an AA friend. I wore the X Marks tartan tank because the colors of the X Marks tartan are similar to the colors of the jacket of the book Alcoholics Anonymous. Figured it was some tie in of respect.

After the services the deceased friend's parents made a beeline for me and first wanted to know how I knew she was of Scot blood - I hadn't - and thanked me deeply for acknowledging her heritage.

Then they wanted to know what clan tartan my kilt. So explained the AA color connection. That got them both to weeping. Sometimes we get lucky I guess. My intent was just to honor my friend in my own way but it turned out to be very helpful for her family.

When you think about it, no matter how special a family tries to make a wedding or a funeral sometimes its just sort of routine. Folks show up, and folks leave. Some pretty casually dressed. I think a well dressed kiltie can add something to a wedding or a funeral without detracting from the bride and groom, or the deceased.

And, as an afterthought, I don't think I'd wear an inexpensive kilt to a wedding or a funeral. For me, would be either a tank or a USA Kilts semi-traditional or equal model from other kiltmakers.

Ron