Murder in the Great Hall

[Arlen]

Do you have something to add? Mumbling through my entire performance like...like... OH!
So rude.
'The only way' what? What are you trying to get each other to do?

Really, you have no appreciation of my poetry or my sadness.

[Livingston]

ummm....sorry.... didn't mean to interupt

[Coemgen]

With words that have roughly the consistency of motor oil:

There is no way we could add anything to the pathos of your poetic muse.

[Wompet]

During Arlen's recitation, Mr. Wompet bumps into a sideboard. He grabs a butter knife from a plate of rolls. He grips it with both hands and holds it just in front of his belly.

I just can’t take it anymore; I’m going to kill myself. It’s just too hard to think of a life without my dear Jamie. Jamie, dearest, I’m coming to be with you.

[Clockwork John]

Scribbling in my notebook and talking to myself, “Panache’s insane lover, overcome with grief, threatens to take his own life.”

[Pleater]

Pleater focuses on the shiny metal blade and leaps into action, seizing Wompets wrists in a paralysing grip and shaking him vigorously.

Drop it, you silly - Wompet - let go!!

The knife clatters across the floor, Wompet tries to retrieve it but has become tangled in Pleater's long plaid. He turns to release himself, but she is trying to remove the plaid to tie him up.

No you don't!! Oh - you'd bite me would you. Bad Wompet - OW!! Stop that!!

Unable to release himself from the plaid and Pleater, who is attempting a Half Nelson wrestling hold, Wompet staggers sideways and knocks over a table laden with plates and glasses which shatter. They slide around on the shards, Wompet is trying to get hold of one to slash his wrists, Pleater is kicking his hands away every time he bends down.

Somebody give me a hand. He's gone mad. Look out, don't just sit there you stu...

They crash into the chair in which Coemgen sits and knock it over, spilling Coemgen out and he rolls across the floor almost skittling Arlen. Unaspensia shrieks and runs to Arlen. Livingstone leaps to avoid the chair as it spins.

OW!! OW!! Stop biting you ba..

Mr Clockwork runs forward as though to intervene but one of Wompet's flailing fists strikes him on an ear and he retreats rapidly.

Now don't make me do this - you'll regret it almost as much as I will.

Pleater has raised the rum bottle over Wompet's head, but as she does so he manages to partly escape her grip and it comes down on his shoulder, flies from her hand and smashes against the commemorative bust of a former moderator.

Oh so** that was the good stuff too.

Forgetting of his intention to do himself harm, Wompet now attacks Pleater, though he is severely hampered by the plaid and a painful shoulder, so they whirl and wrestle whilst sending furniture and people in all directions until Pleater manages a Judo style throw but is pulled to the floor by the plaid which still connects them. They roll on the floor trading blows and shrieking incoherently.