Let the Pun begin!

[The Guy in the Kilt at UC]

My friends tell me I have an intimacy problem. But they don't really know me.

[Big Mikey]

In my enthusiasm, I may have posted this in the wrong place so I moved it here.




A musician walks into his union hall.

Union Rep: "What can I do for you?"
Musician: "I want to report a lost instrument."
UR: "Where did you lose it?"
M: "I think I left it at my last gig."
UR: "OK. What's the name of the place?"
M: "Sam Frank's."
UR: "What type of instrument?"
M: "It's a baroque harp."
UR: "What type of club is it?"
M: "It's a disco."
UR: "Do you mean to say




























YOU LEFT YOUR HARP IN SAM FRANK'S DISCO?!?!"

[Ruanaidh]

Charles Dickens walks into a bar and orders a martini. The bartender asks, "Olive or twist"?

[Panache]

Here's one my son, the mighty Sinbad, came up with himself and I will share with you



What is the difference between a mean terrier and a swamp just for fathers?
























One is a bad dog

The other is a dad bog

[BruceK]

Did you hear about the ram that fell off the cliff 'cause he didn't see the ewe turn?

[McClef]

What's the difference between a bad marksman and a constipated owl?












One shoots but can't hit.

[Tattoo Bradley]

What do you call a cow with 2 legs?
LEAN BEEF!

What do you call a cow with no legs?
GROUND BEEF!

What do you call a guy with no legs or arms in the ocean?
Bob

Same guy on your wall?
Art

Same guy between two slices of bread?
Patty

[sydnie7]

Same guy at your front door?
Matt!

[Wompet]

Same guy in a pile of leaves?
Russell

[Wompet]

Remember - never name your children after verbs:
B b
o

Who's in charge of accounts? Bill

Who's always in trouble for sexual harassment? Pat

Neil, stand up.
Neil, stand up.
Neil, stand up!
Stand up, Neil, stand up!!