Let the Pun begin!

[morrison]

for Retro Red

seems appropriate on his journey

What that up the road? Ahead?


I hope he smiled at this one

That's a good turn.
Another malapropism from our fine Yankee's ball club catcher a few years ago said, "When you come to a fork in the road. . . . take it."

[McClef]

Then there was the Soviet weather forecaster whose wife questioned his Christmas weather forecast.

She thought it would snow instead but he disagreed by saying:

"Rudolf the Red knows rain dear!"

[Thunderbolt]

Do you know how to catch a Polar Bear?

You cut a hole in the ice, and lay some fresh peas around the hole.

Then, when the bear comes to take a pea, you kick him in the ice hole.

[Thunderbolt]

In a land far, far away, there lived the Twids. The Twids were a kind and gentle people, living simply and in harmony with nature.

Every day, the Twids would go work in their fields, tending their crops and animals. In doing so, the had to cross a bridge.

Everything was fine, until this one day, a troll took up residence under the bridge. Then, when the Twids tried to cross the bridge, the troll would jump up and kick them all off the bridge!

Confused as to what to do, the villagers went to their wise man, the Babbit.

The explained the problem and he said "I must see this for myself." So the villagers took the Babbit down to the bridge, where he found indeed, a troll living under the bridge.

So, as the villagers watched in anticipation, the Babbit walked across the bridge.

But the troll simply watched.

Then he walked back. But still, the troll just watched.

Finally, the Babbit, frustrated, asked the Troll "Why do you kick them off the bridge, but not me!??"

The troll replied......
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"Silly Babbit, kicks are for Twids!"

[Ozman1944]

The Dyslectic Atheist;;;
Doesn't believe in Dog..........

[BEEDEE]

From the movie Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World (though the punchline is a lot older):

Captain Aubrey: "Do you see those two weevils, Doctor?...Which would you choose?"
Dr. Maturin: "Neither. There's not a scrap of difference between them. They're the same species of Curculio."
Captain Aubrey: "If you had to choose. If you were forced to make a choice. If there were no other option."
Dr. Maturin: "Well, then, if you're going to push me. I would choose the right-hand weevil. It has significant advantage in both length and breadth."
Captain Aubrey: "There, I have you!...Do you not know that in the Service, one must always choose the lesser of two weevils?"




Then there was the dictator who wanted to conquer the world, but was delayed while counting the feet of his soldiers. His was a toe-tally tarrying regime.

[Tony]

Confucius say Man who stand on toilet high on pot

Confucius say man who fart in church sit in his own pew.

..... man who boils carrots and peas in same pot unsanitary.

..... man with hole in pocket feel cocky all day.

..... man who chases car will get exhausted.

[LANCER1562]

Confucius say "Duck who fly upsidedown have quack up".

[Ozark Ridge Rider]

The Dyslectic Atheist;;;
Doesn't believe in Dog..........

You left the rest of it off: The dyslectic atheist who was afflicted with insomnia. He used to lay awake nights wondering if there is a dog.

[FinsUp]

Did you hear about the Midget psychic who ran from the cops?
Now they are looking for a small medium at large.