Wife jealous of the Kilt

[Brian K]

Are we secretly brothers-in-law, because if I didn't know better I would have to say that I'm married to your wife's sister!

She Who Must Be Obeyed is currently on double-secret probation with me, as she has forbidden me on more than one occasion recently from wearing my kilt out in public. She says that she doesn't want to bee seen with me causing a spectacle............

I'm 48 years old, gainfully employed in my own business and I shouldn't have to fight about what I'm going to wear. Life's too short to deal with this kind of nonsense about my hobby that she doesn't like.

And you allow her to treat you lie you're 12? Certainly you have to take into account her wishes and concerns - you did decide to spend the rest of your life with her after all - but it's just as unreasonable for her insist you wear your kilt only 5 out of the 365 days of the year. It sounds like you're doing all the accommodating here and it's time she took a turn or 3.

As much as I'd love to have a kilt, if you offer everything you own for sale I will not buy anything because I'd not want to give her the satisfaction of seeing you get rid of stuff you love just to satisfy some unreasonable and petulant need she has to control you utterly!

Regards - and good luck!

Brian

[Brian K]

My wife doesn't have a problem; go ahead and ask her and she'll tell you that I have the problem. And if I keep trying to wear that ridiculous thing out in public causing a spectacle and frightening children then it'll become an even bigger problem. For me.

She's right, you DO have a problem, but it's not what she thinks it is. Your problem is that you're too nice a guy to stand up for yourself and tell her what you really think. It's said that the difference between a kilt and any other skirt is what's underneath it. Use what you have under your kilt to stand up for yourself. You're not doing her any favors by acting so meekly about it either. Perhaps she'd be surprised and really like the you you'd be if you stood up for yourself a bit more.

Regards,

Brian

[Imac]

When my kilt arrived my girlfriend was a unsure of what to think. I'm sure she thought that I was a cross dresser, which I can assure you I am not. She did make the comment that it a nice dress and I proceeded to explain that I had no interest in wearing a dress or her dresses for that matter and this is a kilt, these are my clan colours.

I think she excepts it more now, she even encouraged me to wear it on my birthday, which was a big success. I need a few things before I wear in out. But I hope that she supports me when I do. After all I love and support her, she should do the same for me.

[ForresterModern]

Are we secretly brothers-in-law, because if I didn't know better I would have to say that I'm married to your wife's sister!

She Who Must Be Obeyed is currently on double-secret probation with me, as she has forbidden me on more than one occasion recently from wearing my kilt out in public. She says that she doesn't want to bee seen with me causing a spectacle.

According to the schedule I am allowed to wear a kilt in the beer tent (only!) on Friday and Saturday nights at the Fergus Highland games, to a Burns Day party we attend and at our Scotchtoberfest party in early October and our Niel Gow Birthday Party in late March. Count that up folks, 5 times a year.

Christmas - FORBIDDEN!
Hogmanay - FORBIDDEN!
Down the pub - FORBIDDEN!
playing a gig with our Celtic music club - FORBIDDEN!
St. Andrew's day - FORBIDDEN!

The most recent incident was this past weekend when were meeting up with some friends for a céilidh with the Irish Folk Society. I was dressed and ready to go but was sent back upstairs to change like a miscreant schoolboy before our friends arrived.

And now to the double-secret probation part. If this happens ONE MORE TIME I will sell every bit and scrap of kilt related stuff that I have. Keep your eyes on the For Sale forum because we have 2 gigs coming up for St. Paddy's day and if it's jeans again then it all goes.

I'm 48 years old, gainfully employed in my own business and I shouldn't have to fight about what I'm going to wear. Life's too short to deal with this kind of nonsense about my hobby that she doesn't like.

Brother Bing

I feel your pain. My wife does have a sister, but believe me there is no way you would want to be married to her because my wife and I both have difficulty being in the same hemisphere with her.

Regarding your Double Secret Probation comment, as I read it I was not sure what the outcome was going to be, but I certainly did not expect YOU to feel a need to drop all your kilt kit into the sale bin because of another "violation". Personally, I choose my battles, which are threatening to be more and more frequent as my desires to go out kilted will be increasing with the winter waning. But I do choose them against her desires sometimes, and that will likely increase in frequency rather than diminish.

I have tried the "get her involved" in the kilting and celtic events stuff, even had a custom woven silk scarf made up in Dutch FRiendship Tartan colors (she is full blooded Dutch American), and offered to get a matching DFT kilt made so we could match when we went out to dressier events, and got the response of " oh you just want an excuse to get another kilt in DFT". Even bought an infant kilt for our son, which he wore numerous times when I was kilted for events, and when he outgrew that another child's kilt. I was kilted for work one day last week, and he wanted to wear his kilt (he is just two but very verbal), but she refused because I was leaving for work and she did not particularly want to see him in it. He loves being kilted with Daddy as you can see from the pictures in my albums.

No quick or easy answers, but don't give up the ship. Would you give up golfing, or fishing, or wearing boxer shorts instead of briefs, or shorts instead of long pants on a hot day, because your spouse insisted? There is only so far that a marrital relationship can or should go with regards to a person's individuality. But each relationship needs to find its own balance point. Good luck.

j

[The Barry]

Just tell her that it's all biological and evolutionary...

***, although my fiance also gets a bit jealous from time to time.

[thescot]

I am quite amused at the responses which placed the problem squarely on the victim's shoulders, assuming that the wife's intentions were all pure. Believe it or not, women do get jealous, and they are used to being the best dressed, and sometimes they do become unreasonable in their demands.

Just like men!

I'm willing to bet that he knows his wife pretty well and knows what she means. And I'll also bet he knows her better than just about anyone else-especially us.

Like Forrestermodern, I choose to wear my kilt over my wife's objections when it's not to a "Scottish" function. It's a choice. She has readily admitted that she is jealous of the attention I get when kilted, so I have chosen to wear it whether she likes it or not. And . . .I have also chosen not to wear it sometimes when she objects. That also is a choice. It is a partnership after all. I may decide at any minute that I'll wear the kilt from now on whether she likes it, pouts, whines, complains, and generally acts grumpy. Or, I may not. But having to decide and argue about it does rub me a little the wrong way, so stay tuned. I will not, however, sell my stuff.

I believe that some folks are unreasonable, illogical, and silly. That's what makes Life interesting.

[ali8780]

This is all so very heartbreaking for me to read.

I think that a fundamentally important lesson can be learned here about treating our husbands with the common respect that any human deserves.

What a sad day to be a woman.

[gordontaos]

My idea of double secret probation is not to sell your kilt, but to reverse all previous decisions made regarding it.

[Geoff Withnell]

Sounds like you're guessing at what she's thinking. Have you sat down and talked openly about it?

Ron, What are you, some kind of radical!? Imagine, a husband and wife talking about what bugs them. But seriously, talking is the secret. My Lady, Michele has times when she would rather I didn't wear a kilt. So she tells me, and I don't at those times. There are times when she would rather I did. Sometimes I would prefer she wear a skirt or dress rather than slacks. I tell her and she does. Communication and compromise, it's been working for us for 38 years now.

Geoff Withnell - possibly the happiest married man on the planet, with the exception of my Dad, who has been using the same principle for 64 years with my Mom.

[ThistleDown]

I'm willing to bet that he knows his wife pretty well and knows what she means. And I'll also bet he knows her better than just about anyone else-especially us.

The nail on the head, Jim. I am very grateful that I don't have his problem and that I am surrounded by much more accepting folk of both genders. Respect is a two-way street, isn't it Ali?

Rex (too)