Not surprisingly I'm with Cygnus on this one. During the day, anything goes. In the evening a more subdued tie is called for, and at a formal event go with what the invitation says. If it says "black tie", that's what your hosts want you to wear (and since it's their party, they call the shots), and if it says "white tie", then white tie it is. The only leeway permitted is when one is in Highland attire, then a jabot may be worn instead of either a black or white bow tie.

I'm a bit more relaxed when it comes to shirt collars with black tie. My preference is for a soft collar, although there is nothing "wrong" with a starched collar (AKA the ubiquitous "wing collar"). White tie is a whole different kettle of fish, and here the wing collar is the only choice.