feeling special is not OK

[bubba]

Whoever said that wasn't a good enough reason to wear a kilt is a putz that can safely be ignored. Any reason or none at all is good enough to wear a kilt if that's what you want to do. There's no need to get all deep on it.

[LordDamax]

More than the attractiveness thing, I honestly think what's coming into play here is that I am doing something, yet again, that she does not "control".....wearing kilts. It's outside of her accepted "norm" and I've never done it before. She's not good with change. She has always leveraged her type A skills into power in the relationship, because I severely lack those type A skills. All of a sudden her Type A skills aren't controlling something, and her husband is doing something new and unexpected.

You know, it doesn't work to let one partner control the power in a relationship too much. It CAN'T work, or else there's no relationship, you know? If I always roll over and die and let her run the show, then there's a serious loss of respect that goes along with that, and there's relationship hell to pay for it.

Well, holeeeey crap. You just set lights off in my head. My wife is a HUGE control freak (although, for some reason, she doesnt exercise that controol, or gives it away... she gives up control of a situation, but then when she realizes she doesnt have control of it she freaks).

I bet thats what this whole kilt thing with her is about. Lack of control of me and what I wear and me doing something new and different.

She reacts to it with anger and hatred. No one is sure why. But what you said there about your wife sure shed some light on mine. Thanks ;)

[Alan H]

But what you said there about your wife sure shed some light on mine. Thanks ;)

Yah, shoore, you betcha....LOL... The bill's in the mail.

****************************************

Bubba, I figure that if I want to wear a kilt, I'll wear a kilt, but with some limits on it.

For example, this past Saturday night we went to my wife's 30th high school reunion. Because it was a special night for her and I knew she'd be more comfortable with me in slacks, I wore pants. She said something about me not needing to be the center of attention all the time, and she was right. I DON'T need to be the center of attention all the time. It didn't kill me to put on a pair of slacks for the evening, and she appreciated it and we had a good time at the reunion.

That's what I mean by using common sense and kindness. I can take her feelings and emotions into account without sacrificing my masculinity or independence. Now, if we're going to an event that's not "her" event...if it's something we both planned or it's an event centered around an activity that's "mine", well....if I want to wear a kilt, I'll wear a kilt. If I don't, I won't.

If wearing a kilt makes me happy, then I'll wear it. If it doesn't, I won't.

Beyond that, you're right. No point in getting too deep about it. *grin*

[motorman4life]

If feeling special comes from inside and what others think should have no bearing on our self-image, why do women wear make up? Why do they curl their hair? Why to they ask, "Does this dress make me look fat?"

Why did women wear pants and jeans 50 years ago when it was not socially acceptable and prople thought less of them for doing so?

The fact is, what others think and how they may reinforce our perception of our self-worth has a huge impact on our self-esteem.

As I have stated elsewhere, besides wearing the kilt as a visible symbol of my Celtic pride and heritage, as well as comfort, one of the major reasons I wear a kilt is because I am forced to wear a uniform for about 1/2 of my waking hours. Being in a uniform is very comforming and wearing a uniform is a visible form of submission. When I am not required to conform, I choose to wear a kilt, to express my individuallity, confidence and masculinity. For me, a great part of it is about the freedom it brings and represents.

BTW, over the weekend, I got into a brief conversation with my g/f about kilts and out-of-the-blue, she said if she were single, she would not consider going out with a guy in a kilt. She said she thought it was strange for a guy to want to wear a kilt regularly and she did not find it appealing for everyday wear. She said she thought it was fine for costume or a specific event, like the Highland Games, but she did not see wearing a kilt on a daily basis as being "rational." Well, needless to day, I was very dissapointed. It won't change my habits and I'm really glad she felt confident enough in our relationship to express herself honestly and openly, but I am dissapointed, none the less.

[bubba]

Alan, wearing slacks to make her happy at "her" event is a simple expression of your love for her. Marriage is built on compromise. I'm forunate in that my wife likes me in kilts. When we go somewhere other people might be paying attention to me but my attention is on her and that's what matters to her.

[Rigged]

Many women, as much at they like to intrude on our gender "turf", don't like for men to cross over into traditionally female territory.

Isn't that how wars are won, by taking territory without giving any up?

...hmmm... Anyway...

To your wife's thinking, men are supposed to wear pants. The kilt issue might be hitting your wife at such an instinctual level that she can't articulate what she's really feeling. So, she lashes out at you. You might try talking with her and find a way for her to get to the heart of her feelings and work through them.

BTW, there's nothing wrong with wanting to feel special. We all like to be recognized for our unique qualities. Most of us would be insulted if someone told us, "You know, you're just like everybody else."

P.S. I pared this down from the 5-page rant it started out to be.

[Iolanthe]

For example, this past Saturday night we went to my wife's 30th high school reunion. Because it was a special night for her and I knew she'd be more comfortable with me in slacks, I wore pants. She said something about me not needing to be the center of attention all the time, and she was right. I DON'T need to be the center of attention all the time.

Alan, that was kind of you to compromise and wear pants to her reunion. Really, it doesn't matter why you wear a kilt. You like the freedom of it, it brings attention, it's original, it's part of your heritage, or whatever other reason. All that matters is that you enjoy wearing it.

That comment about being the center of attention, though... maybe she's just feeling like you're outshining her. Women like to be the brightest star in the room! When my DH wears his kilt he definitely gets more attention than I do, but I can't take my eyes off him either, so I can't complain.

Ione

[Riverkilt]

I'm reminded of the old line about tattoos. "The only people who care about tattoos are people who don't have any."

Could be easily adopted for kilts. "The only people who care about men wearing kilts are people who don't wear kilts themselves."

Feeling very fortunate that my current lady met me when I was already wearing kilts and is comfortable with them...so comfortable that she sometimes wears one of my tartan SportKilts to Highland Games and has invested in her own UK original.

I'd run from anyone trying to "should" me.

Gotta run, gonna get all my ducks in a row then nail their feet to a board.

Ron

[Shay]

Many women, as much at they like to intrude on our gender "turf", don't like for men to cross over into traditionally female territory.

Isn't that how wars are won, by taking territory without giving any up?

Not true, and I realize you put 'many' in there, but I think a lot of women would be thrilled if men decided that such currently-seen-as-feminine social/employment occupations and hygiene such as childrearing, shaving 'excess body hair', nursing, cooking,, and (to be honest) dressing as one feels rather than how one 'has to,' doing laundry, knitting and other craft work, etc...

I totally understand where you're coming from on the war idea, but I don't think it's a war- I think it's a battle for equality, and we're making all the offensive moves, while you play defense...

[Rigged]

Shay,

Well said. Thank you.