Ted could feel the heat of the torches as he slowly walked down the long natural passage. The woolen hood he had pulled over his head felt itchy on his scalp.

As he stepped into a natural cavern, he felt the presense of ten others seated high above him.

"Ted Crocker," came a voice from above. You have been invited to join the most secret of the inner circles of X Marks the Scot. But before you may join the Ancient Order of the Kilt, you must first demonstrate your knowledge of the ancient mysteries."

Ted felt nervous. His voice betrayed his uneasiness when he spoke. "I am ready," he stammered.

"What is your name?" the voice asked.

"Ted Crocker," Ted answered.

"What do you desire?" the voice asked.

"To join the Ancient Order of the Kilt," Ted answered. This wasn't so hard.

"What is the proper depth of a pleat on a traditional, 8-yard, knife-pleated kilt?" the voice asked.

What!! How could he answer that? There was no set answer; it varied for each kilt, based on the size of the sett. And then he knew how he should answer.

"It depends," he answered boldly.

He heard the others speaking to each other above him as he awaited his fate.

"Congratulations, Ted Crocker!" the voice announced. "You have answered the questions correctly. Step forward to receive the ceremonial paddling!!!!"