Non-kilted wedding options?

[lethearen]

That sounds really awesome, Zardoz! Any pics by any chance?

She fervently believes the kilt would be out of place. Her big deal with the kilt is that I'm not full-blood Irish or Scottish. And she just flat out loves tuxedos. And thinking the kilt looks silly doesn't help.

I'd mentioned as compromise still wearing the fly plaid, but from general consensus that won't fly

I'm not sure I could get myself to wear trews, let alone convince her of it :P

[JSFMACLJR]

First off, I would remind her that this is YOUR wedding, as well as hers. You are in for a rocky ride if she is not open for compromise.

I would wear the trews, if the kilt is ruled out of line. Trews may be worn with morning dress, and with a dinner jacket in the evening. If the trews won't pass muster, then I would wear a tartan waistcoat.

[JSFMACLJR]

I'm not sure I could get myself to wear trews, let alone convince her of it :P

Why not? What do you have against trews? If you can wear a kilt, why not trousers made out of tartan?

[piperdbh]

Here's my input:

I. She says you can't wear your kilt because you're not a full-blooded Scot or Irishman. Since she's wearing a qipao, is she full-blooded Chinese, with no other nationalities or ethnic groups in her bloodline, ever, going all the way back to her first pair of ancestors? Not many people are "full-blooded" (that's a strange expression) anyting any more, so that argument doesn't hold water.

II. Since she's wearing a qipao, can we assume that she is wearing it to honor her Asian heritage? If so, then you should be afforded the same privilege.

III. If she's unwilling to compromise on this and "allow" you some freedom on your wedding day, she might not be willing to compromise in other areas. Think very carefully about that before you make any long-term commitments.

IV. Will this wedding be in China? If so, then the kilt will be an eccentricity, and probably look "out of place". Is it to be held in the U.S. or Canada? If so, it might not be such an eccentricity, especially if a few guests are kilted.

V. If all else fails, wear the kilt to the reception and enjoy yourself.

...for what it's worth...

[lethearen]

DBH, sorry, I think I was misleading. She is first generation Chinese-American, but she won't be wearing a qipao. I was just saying that I thought it'd be nice for her to wear that and me to wear the kilt. Even though her parents are FOBs (fresh off the boat - her own term), she is thoroughly Americanized.

JFSMACLJR - There's nothing wrong with trews, just not to my taste. I certainly didn't mean to offend! But thanks for the info. I didn't realise that they would be considered appropriate for weddings. Guess it makes sense, though... anywhere/way you can wear a kilt can be accomplished with trews, as well, right?

[piperdbh]

... anywhere/way you can wear a kilt can be accomplished with trews, as well, right?

Not quite. There are times when the kilt is the better option, such as at a hot-weather southeastern U.S. games, or when running a race. I'm with you on not much liking trews, but some folks do like them. Especially Hector. I happen to own a pair of Royal Stewart trews, by the way.

[cavscout]

First: Wear what she tells you to wear.

Second: Hire a piper to pipe you into the ceremony and to pipe the couple out

[timseh]

With multiple discussions along these lines lately, I have even more reason to feel I've struck gold. Back in November, I was just about ready to just wear a suit for my wedding (coming in May) because of the more or less negative reactions we were getting from some family members (mostly on my side). My disappointment must have been apparent and I also apparently underestimated her enthusiasm for my being kilted. She stepped things up a notch and became very encouraging about my wearing the Kilt.

She did draw the line at a fly plaid as we're going to Vegas and since we're both older and not as svelt as we once were, and it's not the first marriage for either of us, the dress she selected is actually from the "Mother of the Bride" section. Not as flashy or formal as a traditional wedding gown, though beautiful. The fly plaid would have put me over the top when it comes to formality.

She also went a long way to point out that with my kilt and PC, I'm fully outfitted for any black tie event we might attend.

[lethearen]

Lucky man, Tim

I'm giving her more or less the run of the show. And she's already made some demands that I only very reluctantly agreed to... so I probably could push for whatever I wanted and she wouldn't have much room to say no - even if I insisted on going kilted.

That being said, I don't really want to have to push. She feels strongly enough that she'd be more upset if I wore the kilt than I'd enjoy it.

The wedding date is still TBD, so I have a while. Who knows, maybe after seeing me kilted more often it'll grow on her and this will all be moot But I doubt it :P

I'm liking the waistcoat more and more, so that'll probably be my compromise. That and possibly wearing the kilt to the reception

[timseh]

Kilt to the reception would be a wonderful compromise in my opinion. But as others have said, it's her day. Yes there are arguments both ways, but if it were me, I wouldn't push the issue (especially if she's more or less OK with you wearing it under other circumstances).

Could lead to some interesting fun when it comes to the tossing of the garter at the reception if you're kilted... why not 'turn things around' a bit if you catch my drift...