Whatever has happened to manners

[biblemonkey]

I think many people have become insular and afraid of confrontation of even the pleasant sort. Unless they are on a diital device of some kind they don't know how to interact with people they don't know. That's what I've seen in many people I have run across any way. Good on ya for being one of the dying breed!

[Lime]

I blame the internet.

[Peter Crowe]

Like you, and many of you here, I always pay the proper respect where it's due. This is largely due to my upbringing in an outport Newfoundland town of a few hundred. Older men and ladies are called Sir or Mrs. surname, or quite commonly "Uncle" and "Aunt" regardless of blood relations or not. To a certain extent, this still holds true today where I'm from. The larger town by my small hometown, not so much, and in the City of St. John's, lesser still. I've often wondered if it's a lack of teaching from our parents generation (I'm born in '83 btw), or if it has something to do with the metropolitan mentality and lack of the close-knit ties and community that I see in cities versus "around the bay". Or a combination of both.

Hard to say for sure I think. Or at least, hard for me to say. I just keep living and acting as I was raised.

I'll echo a good comment here and say that I think it's up to those of us here that act as Men, to lead by example for those who don't know any better.

What you say about the young speaking to adults resonates with me. I was born in 1966 and when I was growing up in a fairly well-to-do suburban village outside Glasgow (Uddingston), we called closer family friends (not blood relations) Auntie and Uncle (in fact with many I still do though I am in my mid 40's and they are all now around their early 70's), whereas people we sort of knew but not well were Mr surname and Mrs/Miss surname

I noticed this starting to change when I moved to the Scottish Borders from 1983 where it was common for children to talk to their parents adult friends by their first name.

We have tried in New England to have our son refer to our friends as Aunt and Uncle or at least follow the more southern US custom of saying Mr first name and Miss (regardless of marital status, as that seems to be the custom) first name. I have to say it is an uphill struggle because most of our friends (nice, kind, basically polite people) don't encourage it from our son or require it from their own children.

As to giving your seat to a lady on a bus, my dad customarily did that until the 1970's when he was one time fiercely rebuked by a pregnant lady for offering her his seat. For younger men such acts of chivalry can be viewed with the suspicion that you are 'coming on' to the lady concerned. However, if I see someone obviously struggling with something heavy, I will offer to help.

My father's (and my grandpa's) huge bugbear was table manners and hats worn by men indoors, and I must say I am a bit of a chip of the old block in that regard.

[Frank McGrath]

peer grgroup influence. When one kid says it's alright to do or not to do something, home teaching most of the time goes right out the door. The kids in junior high know that they can get away with anything anymore. Cursing is at the top of my list. Kids curse so often today, I would just rather not be around them.

[biblemonkey]

What you say about the young speaking to adults resonates with me.

It's not just the youth. My wife works retail and she says that at least half of the rudest customers are middle aged or older. I don't know what the common factor is but it's spreading across all ages these days.

[Chas]

When I was growing up, I was taught that there were four ways to address people. As in -

"Good morning, Sir."

"Hello, Mr Jones."

"Hi, George."

"Oi, you."

I think, the singular greatest failure of people today is that they have forgotten (if they ever knew) how to talk to each other.

The question "Oi, mate, can you hold the door?", gets the response "Yes I can, but no I will not, because I am not your mate."

Where as "Excuse me, could you please hold the door for me?", gets me standing in the rain for half an hour, holding a door for a total stranger.

People are all the same - you say the right things to them and you will get the right response.

Regards

Chas

[Chas]

It's not just the youth. My wife works retail and she says that at least half of the rudest customers are middle aged or older. I don't know what the common factor is but it's spreading across all ages these days.

I have no reason to believe that the vast majority of this is not true -

http://notalwaysright.com/

Regards

Chas

[Caddy One]

Taking my hat off to you Derek for being a true "Gentleman"

[Peter Crowe]

It's not just the youth. My wife works retail and she says that at least half of the rudest customers are middle aged or older. I don't know what the common factor is but it's spreading across all ages these days.

What you say is true, I used to work retail 20-25 years ago and it was true then. Some people (of all ages) think that because they are paying for goods and services that it gives them the perfect right to be abusive and ignorant to the people providing such services.

[creagdhubh]

Oh my gosh! Derek, chap, I cannot believe you brought your story to light! Almost the same thing happens when I ride the bus, as I take an express bus from a commuter parking lot to my job in downtown Cincinnati (my wife and I live out in the 'country') every morning and every evening.

There have been more times than I care to count, where the bus will be completely full, and people are forced to stand. Now keep in mind, my bus route takes approximately 35-45 minutes to reach the parking lot where everyone's cars are parked, awaiting their arrival. this typically is 35-45 minutes of stop and go, mind-numbing traffic, so the idea of having to stand the entire way, holding on for dear life, is appauling!

I have seen countless times, where the people that are forced to stand, due a crowded bus, are women. Not one time as any man stood up and offered his seat to one of the ladies - and often times there have been men sitting at very close distances. Every time I have been too far away, and usually 'pinned' in between people, to where it would prove challenging to get up and offer my seat, otherwise I would most definitely do so! I had sent a text to my father when this has occurred before, and and asked him, "am I the only true gentleman left?" It just doesn't make any sense to me that no man sitting relatively close to where these women were standing, would offer their seat. I suppose we are are a dying breed, Derek. I am only 30 years of age, and I credit my good manners, selflessness, and social etiquette to my parents, grandparents, and to my military service - they all helped mold me into the man I am today.

Thank you for sharing your story,