First Time Denied

**JohntheBiker** · 23rd October 15, 01:32 PM

Have to agree with Father Bill on this. I have a niece's wedding on Saturday and I did ask (I had attended her sister's wedding in a kilt, but then the groom and groomsmen were kilted as well). Fortunately she insisted that I come kilted, but I would have worn a suit without any hesitation at all. Love and respect wins out every time.

**ctbuchanan** · 23rd October 15, 01:43 PM

Originally Posted by Jock Scot

Alright its a disappointment not to wear your kilt to the ceremony, but hardly a disaster surely? Is it such a problem to wear a suit? I enquire purely out of interest and not to stir up a hornets nest.

To be sure Jock, my disappointment is only my own and not meant to be taken too seriously. I am more upset that my perfect record of probably two dozen weddings or more is now broken.

I will take solace in wearing a tuxedo given to me by my sister-in-law after my brother passed away. One half of the trousers are pristine as he had only one leg! (true story, he lost it in a hunting accident) I will think of him while I wear it, but not drink the Jack Daniels he would have.

I have ordered a silk tie and cummerbund in the Ancient Buchanan which will add some color, I am after all a Buchanan.

**MacEanruig** · 23rd October 15, 01:46 PM

I understand the feeling, but you need to go with the wishes of the couple. Father Bill is correct.

**ctbuchanan** · 23rd October 15, 01:46 PM

Originally Posted by Father Bill

Liam, I agree that my situation when I'm officiating is different from that of a guest so the question may not be totally applicable in that case but having said that, speaking as a guest (not the officiant) to say that forgiveness is easier than permission suggests to me that you might be willing to upset or disappoint someone who has done you the honour of an invitation. I read that here often on X-Marks, and how can I gently say that I somehow find that rather low and actually rather selfish.

I'm sorry to think any of us would do that to our friends. I certainly wouldn't. To me, no piece of clothing is so important to wear on somebody else's most special day that I'd disappoint people who love me. If I can't show my respect and affection for the couple by observing the simple dress code of their event, I guess I'd have to send a gift and a note in the care of a mutual friend and stay home. I can't imagine putting clothing preferences above respect for people who love me.

I know that this will offend some members, but please rather than taking offense, just see it as my point of view.

You have my total agreement on that Father Bill - it is why I always ask. I don't know this young couple that well but I do know that the wedding will cost a small fortune. My vanity is not nearly important enough to cause them any discomfort. A kilt wearer should, after all, always be a gentleman.

**Thekiltedmohawk** · 23rd October 15, 01:52 PM

My brother is going to be married to this wonderful future sister in the law two years from now.

They absolutely support my personal choice to be a full-time kilt wearer whatever makes me happy.

However...

It's their wedding, and they have their cool dressing plans for the lovely bridesmaids, and the groomsmen. My kilt is not part of it, and I'm perfectly okay with it.

A day without a kilt won't kill me.

Some of you may say just show up in the kilt, and the bridezilla/bridezilla's mother won't notice.. Do you realize there will be a lot of photos taken? They will notice it, remember it, and feel sadden you chose to not respect their wishes in the attempt to aid in your power to make their special day to come true. The special day they have dreamed about for a long time. All of this over a kilt? That'd be shameful.

**Dusty** · 23rd October 15, 02:12 PM

I was at a cousin's wedding two weeks ago not kilted. I did want to wear my kilt but did not ask the bride or groom (cousin). At the reception he asked me why I did not wear my kilt. He was looking forward to me wearing it. I told him that I did not want to look better than him. Just goes to show you that I should have asked.

**CDNSushi** · 23rd October 15, 05:11 PM

I guess I'm with Liam on this one too. With as much respect as possible to the hosts of an event to which I'm invited, I do not feel it necessary (nor appropriate) to inquire as to how I should or shouldn't dress. I'm a grown adult, and as such, make my own sartorial choices (for better or ill).

To ask permission to wear a kilt, just doesn't sit well with me, as it is a part of my regular wardrobe -- and anyone who invites me to anything will definitely already know that. It's not like I'm 5 years old and would embarrass my parents by wearing a swimsuit over-top of my regular clothes, and a superhero cape with bright red gumboots.

The only way I would ask whether it were acceptable would be if I were to be a part of the official ceremony in some way. But as a guest? I will choose to wear what I will choose to wear.

**unixken** · 23rd October 15, 05:14 PM

Originally Posted by TRWXXA

I pity anyone who has to deal with the mother of the bride, or the bride herself -- caterer, photographer, etc. So many brides have been planning their "perfect wedding" since they were 8 years old, with their mother as the enabler. Heaven help anyone who is going to screw up the fantasy, when the time comes.

You shoulda just arrived all kilted up. Too late for Bridezilla & Co. to do anything about it, and they'll probably be too preoccupied with other percieved "disasters" to notice.

What exactly gives one a "to hell with you, it's all about me and I'll wear what I want" attitude, when invited to someone else's wedding... an event where things CLEARLY are not about you. It's the most insensitive thing I've read in ages.

**Thekiltedmohawk** · 23rd October 15, 05:36 PM

Originally Posted by CDNSushi

I guess I'm with Liam on this one too. With as much respect as possible to the hosts of an event to which I'm invited, I do not feel it necessary (nor appropriate) to inquire as to how I should or shouldn't dress. I'm a grown adult, and as such, make my own sartorial choices (for better or ill).

To ask permission to wear a kilt, just doesn't sit well with me, as it is a part of my regular wardrobe -- and anyone who invites me to anything will definitely already know that. It's not like I'm 5 years old and would embarrass my parents by wearing a swimsuit over-top of my regular clothes, and a superhero cape with bright red gumboots.

The only way I would ask whether it were acceptable would be if I were to be a part of the official ceremony in some way. But as a guest? I will choose to wear what I will choose to wear.

When the guests show up in any kind in some kind of the clothing assets that will distract, and take away from a bride's big day AKA show up the bride. That's what almost everyone in the wedding will remember.

Like what Pippa Middleton almost did to her big sister, Kate Middleton in the royal wedding. Almost all medias couldn't stop talking about Pippa's dress.

Just my two cents.

**Liam** · 23rd October 15, 05:53 PM

While my attitude may have come across as crass, let's examine the host/guest relationship. As a host I may have the "right" to dictate to my invited guests how they should dress, but should I? They are your guests! I think it can be considered somewhat offensive for a host to suggest what form of "formal dress" an attendee chooses to wear. This becomes particularly more sensitive when one is dealing with cultural attire. And I don't want to even touch the subject of religious attire.
....Just my thoughts, not trying to start WW3