Your worst puns

[Mikilt]

A couple of repeats, but this was fun to write!

I roux the day I had bad clam chowder
I mist my chance when it was cloudy
There was a coffee bruin bear
Sub Ubi is “Under where”

A bicycle is just two-tired
I got close to the kiln and I got fired
If I put up a wall don’t take a fence
The traveling circus was in tents

A corkboard is prone to a tack
Chiropractors have got your back
Statute of Imitations is copyright law
What did Tennessee? Same thing Arkansas

I get a cab whenever I drink red wine
Cows don’t grow on a bovine
How did I escape from Iraq? I ran
Chicken coupes with 4 doors are chicken sedans

Runners know agony of de feet
Attempted Murder when two crows meet
Rabbits like hops in their beer
There are a staggering number of deer

It dawned on me when the sun rose from below
If someone was selling drugs, weed know
He talked about circles in a roundabout way
His supper was left at the door, entree

She was a moonshiner but her loved her still
Be sure your dentist knows the drill
A cow with no legs is beef that is ground
When you’re in for a punny, you’re in for a pound

[Mikilt]

The technology store sold computers at a disk-count

A punster died. Whether there will be a wake remains to be seen.

[Tarheel]

The medical profession is full of morose puns that are used as tension relief. Here are some examples,

stomach wound -- Won't have the guts to do that again.
organ transplant -- Her surgery was a half-hearted attempt.
amputation -- One step at a time toward recovery.
Hitting one's elbow is not humorous.

[MNlad]

As is psychiatry.

"Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined." Samuel Goldwyn

Patient to doctor after undergoing a lobotomy—"I've got half a mind to ask for my money back."

I just got the bill from my psychiatrist. It was shrink wrapped.

I told the Dr. I had multiple personalities. He said he didn't give group rates.

[Mikilt]

Different people have tried to count the prison population but they've failed to come to a consensus.

[MNlad]

A recent study found the prison population of one Northeastern state is much more polite than in the rest of the nation. It appears to be con etiquette.

[Mikilt]

My dog is sort of mustard colored.

He's a Gulden Retriever.

[Tarheel]

I use a burro as a golf caddy. Most golfers don't use my a$$-in-nine solution.

[Mikilt]

A moat protects a castle in a roundabout way.

[Mikilt]

Squirrels don't like my climb-it controlled bird feeder