kilt lifters

[Magnus Sporrano]

I don't even need to go into what can happen at the Pubs... or even what HAS happened in the Pubs.

Oh I know what you're talking about.

The place where this most recent story took place, for you Philly folks, is the Boat House on Great Valley Pkwy in Malvern. Not a rowdy Irish pub. This is an after-work watering hole in the middle of a giant office park. It's much quieter, more reserved, and dare I say even genteel. So when a kilt lifting happens there, it is a bit more shocking.

Usually the *ahem* "ladies" that partake in this have a carefully crafted plan of attack and escape. By the time you feel the draft and hear the giggle, they are already halfway across the room having weaved their way through a crowd too thick for a man of my proportions to quickly pursue her through. And what would I even do once I caught her?

I've sort of resigned myself to the idea that, in the pubs, a quick peek around back isn't really hurting anyone and I am not going to get wound up over it. It's the full on lifts and especially the apron lifts that are maddening.

The guy that did the lift on me last night is sober now, and we've had some instant messages flying back and forth (he works in a different building from me). I told him he was way over the line and my first instinct was to squash him like a bug right there. I told him hands off the kilt and from now on, I don't care how drunk he is, I'm going to treat him no different than some strange guy I've never met before if he touches the kilt. It's really sad I've got to leave a threat looming over a friend's head but he's kind of forced my hand. He and another one of my co-worker/friends have done this and I'm just done being mister nice guy with them.

Hmmmm maybe I should just start carrying pepper spray.

[Galant]

Little mace in the face?

Now where did I leave that cattle-prod?

[Magnus Sporrano]

Striking a female assailant is out of the question. But pepper spray seems more appropriate for the most egregious ones.

[Uncle Ricky]

Gentlemen,
I am pleased to read your responses to my mini tirade posted earlier in this thread.
You do bring up a difficult question... "What do you do when a "Lady" lifts your kilt?" Obviously physical response (other than preventing the lift in the first place) is not appropriate. A string of demeaning epithets would be almost as bad.
How about a forceful "I demand an apology!" ? It may not be as satisfying as most of us would like it to be, but I think it would certainly throw cold water on the merriment, and send the message that lifting the kilt is unwelcome.

Here is my challenge to you all. I Know there are enough intelligent men on this site to come up with an appropriate and dignified response to this pnenomenon. How about the lasses on this site - I would dearly value your input to this thread. Help us guys out here.
I look forward to reading what you have to share.

Cheers

[bear]

I'm reminded of David Niven presenting an award at the oscars when a streaker ran across the stage. Niven was cool as he always was, and said something about the guy not having enough to show off like that.
What he said wasn't as cool as his unflappable reaction to the streaking.

If a woman lifts up the aprons, you could say loud enough for many to hear, "Poor thing. With a (insert her worst feature here) like that, it's been a while since she's seen one."
If you say it with aplomb, she will be crushed. She will either go away chastened or get very angry and make a fool of herself.

[Nick]

If that happened to me, I can say with 100% certainty that my wife would beat the living sh*te out of her..... if it came to blows and the offender didn't back down....

You don't mess with a 6' tall italian woman or her man!!!

I have to agree with that. I've never been "lifted", nor "peeked" (yet, I suppose), and if it were a woman who did it, there's not much I could do. My girlfriend, on the other hand, will take direct and immediate action. You don't mess with a 5'5" Irish girl, either

She has given permission for a couple of our friends to take a look, though they haven't taken her up on it yet

[Magnus Sporrano]

A friend outside of the kilt community suggested asking the bouncers to detain the offender and call the police so that I might press charges. It will be published in the newspaper's police blotter that the person was arrested and charged with sexual assault. That alone is pretty harsh. But if convicted, they will have to register as a sex offender anywhere they go.

Seems a bit harsh, but with a sacraficial lamb getting some attention in the local papers, maybe people will start to think twice about lifting the aprons.

[bubba]

A friend outside of the kilt community suggested asking the bouncers to detain the offender and call the police so that I might press charges. It will be published in the newspaper's police blotter that the person was arrested and charged with sexual assault. That alone is pretty harsh. But if convicted, they will have to register as a sex offender anywhere they go.

I'd reserve that for an egregious repeat offender. Around here I've been asked a couple times by women (I don't consider them particularly ladies) if they could have a peek. Once my wife was there, looked them square in the eyes and dared them to just try it and hope their insurance is paid up. The other I suggested that would be a very tasteless thing to do. No one has tried to sneak one in on me.

[bjcustard]

I had a simple idea one night at the pub...

"Can I see what's under your kilt?"

"Can I see what's under your dress first?"

Even intoxicated... she had no reply... just walked away confused...

[Graham]

I had a simple idea one night at the pub...

"Can I see what's under your kilt?"

"Can I see what's under your dress first?"

Even intoxicated... she had no reply... just walked away confused...

while I wouldn't actually SAY such a thing - I have oft thought it.

For the life of me, I fail to understand why there is such a fascination for what lies beneath the kilt.
Is is because of all those silly Scottish songs on the topic?

A few weeks ago a woman (not a lady) in the market insisted I 'give her a flash', she repeated the demand several times before I warned her that she would soon taste the wrath of my wife (who was standing nearby).

Last hogmanay our pipe band was playing in the centre of a hall, a drunk lass actually crawled along the floor to look up the pipe majors' kilt!!

When you're piping away like that, there's not a thing you can do, unless you're at the end of a set when the PM lifts his foot to indicate a finish (then lower the foot on the lassies fingers)